For
several years, I have fought the scourge of child sexual abuse within
the Orthodox Jewish Community. I engaged in this battle because all
over my world, children were being deeply harmed, physically,
emotionally and spiritually.
It was my duty.
Twelve years ago, I was blessed to become a Los Angeles County District Attorney. At the time, I did not fully comprehend why I was placed in that position, but subsequently, it became clear: People began telling me about the abuse they suffered and the revictimization that occurred when they were not believed; when they were silenced; when they were intimidated; when they turned to narcotics.
I then discovered that my friend Daniel was murdered by sexual abuse and I knew I had to speak up.
I knew I had to become a voice for the voiceless, a pillar for the vulnerable.
I also knew that I had a particular profession and training that gave me phenomenal insight into these issues and thus an ability to help solve some of it.
Over the years, I have spoken to hundreds, if not thousands of victims – from hearing them tell their stories to explaining the complexity of the legal system, to giving basic insightful advice, to encouraging them and assisting them in making police reports.
The horrors I heard affected me personally. The stories were so devastating, that there were many nights that I could not eat or sleep. On so many occasions, people reached out to talk at all hours of the day and night. There were many occasions where people came to my house and sat with me discussing their issues for hours. People visited me at all hours, at home, coffee shops and at work.
In one incident, I came home from work to find a young man sitting on my front yard. He needed to talk to me. I still had my workbag over my shoulder when I sat down on the lawn and conversed with him. My wonderful wife saw and understood what I was doing, so she didn’t interrupt. We sat there for hours. At close to 12 am, I was still in a full suit, workbag still on my shoulder. This wasn't unusual. This wasn't out of the norm.
These were devastating stories.
(Contrary to some assertions), I didn’t do this out of ego, or personal benefit. I am beyond blessed to have two amazing jobs and an unbelievable and supportive family. I am not lacking in my life.
I made “friends” with many people I normally would have nothing in common with. At times, I had to ally with people I would disagree with on every single other issue. The collective goal being much greater than my like or dislike for someone or their perspectives. There were many I didn’t like. But children were being abused, and that was much greater than me.
I once got a call from a shul in another country. A rabbi that had a past questionable history of coverups was coming to speak to their shul about CSA. They asked me if it was appropriate. I asked them if he was going to tell the community that abuse is a problem and that reporting to the police is not against halacha. The community affirmed this. So, I encouraged them to get him to speak. When questioned about this stance, I responded, we need every single voice on this issue; not just the pristine and perfect, but also the filthy ones. Every voice is a voice.
I never took a single penny from anyone to assist them or their organizations. I turned down monetary opportunities when presented. I turned down many many speaking and travel opportunities, despite being offered them. Because it was not and never was about me.
I gave myself over on many occasions, interrupting my work or family so that I could assist another. Thousands of my personal hours were given over toward assisting and attempting to achieve some semblance of justice. I literally never had an uninterrupted vacation during the past 6 years.
Some people felt it was their right to demand my time. And, I gave it graciously. I always tried to be available and kind and appropriate to every person that needed my help. Sometimes, I was swamped at work, in a trial, or grading exams, or preparing for a class. I, nevertheless, volunteered my time as much as I was capable of giving and then some. Demands on my time were unceasing and relentless, and I gave what I could and when I could.
I also never got so much as a thank you card from anyone I helped.
I got hatred from dissenters who disagreed with any number of things. A convicted child molester’s family called my job attempting to harm me. In a twist of ironies, a rabbi that once wrote an op-ed denouncing clerical mandated reporting, called my supervisor complaining and misrepresenting in an effort to harm me.
I was on the receiving end of more than enough hateful glares. So was my family. My children were also affected.
Many known child molesters roaming the community receive/d better treatment.
I gained nothing from this battle, except the knowledge that I have participated in saving lives. And, I did save lives. I prevent a number of people from becoming another Daniel.
I stayed in my lane – I knew what my strong suits were and where I was unknowledgeable or unable to help. I kept politics separate. I kept my personal life separate.
My goal was to get the Right to move more toward the center. To remove the stigma of abuse, to protect the communities, to give victims voices, to achieve justice.
When I first began working on these issues, the opposition was harsh. Mesirah was a thing. Teshuva was another. We were opposed by everyone on every issue. Victims were screwed up or liars.
Abusers were amazing people. Slowly the truth began to pervade and our community naturally changed. They didn’t thank us for our efforts; they believed that they’ve always believed this way.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
At some point, I gave over too much without reserving much for myself.
We have come an incredibly long way. We have achieved justice for many. We have succeeded in areas that many thought would fail. We have protected tens of thousands of children. We have changed a generation’s outlook and perspective on this issue.
There is still a long way to go and there always will be. I am hopeful that the next generation of advocates continues in our holy mission.
Those closest to me know that I have always bemoaned the fact that one advocacy area severely lacking was in the legal field. Not enough attorneys were engaged. In fact, outside of the mental-health industry, very few professionals were involved or put themselves on the line for this issue. I am hopeful that some will step up.
But it is time for me to move on.
https://www.facebook.com/benny.forer.3/posts/709846302550675
It was my duty.
Twelve years ago, I was blessed to become a Los Angeles County District Attorney. At the time, I did not fully comprehend why I was placed in that position, but subsequently, it became clear: People began telling me about the abuse they suffered and the revictimization that occurred when they were not believed; when they were silenced; when they were intimidated; when they turned to narcotics.
I then discovered that my friend Daniel was murdered by sexual abuse and I knew I had to speak up.
I knew I had to become a voice for the voiceless, a pillar for the vulnerable.
I also knew that I had a particular profession and training that gave me phenomenal insight into these issues and thus an ability to help solve some of it.
Over the years, I have spoken to hundreds, if not thousands of victims – from hearing them tell their stories to explaining the complexity of the legal system, to giving basic insightful advice, to encouraging them and assisting them in making police reports.
The horrors I heard affected me personally. The stories were so devastating, that there were many nights that I could not eat or sleep. On so many occasions, people reached out to talk at all hours of the day and night. There were many occasions where people came to my house and sat with me discussing their issues for hours. People visited me at all hours, at home, coffee shops and at work.
In one incident, I came home from work to find a young man sitting on my front yard. He needed to talk to me. I still had my workbag over my shoulder when I sat down on the lawn and conversed with him. My wonderful wife saw and understood what I was doing, so she didn’t interrupt. We sat there for hours. At close to 12 am, I was still in a full suit, workbag still on my shoulder. This wasn't unusual. This wasn't out of the norm.
These were devastating stories.
(Contrary to some assertions), I didn’t do this out of ego, or personal benefit. I am beyond blessed to have two amazing jobs and an unbelievable and supportive family. I am not lacking in my life.
I made “friends” with many people I normally would have nothing in common with. At times, I had to ally with people I would disagree with on every single other issue. The collective goal being much greater than my like or dislike for someone or their perspectives. There were many I didn’t like. But children were being abused, and that was much greater than me.
I once got a call from a shul in another country. A rabbi that had a past questionable history of coverups was coming to speak to their shul about CSA. They asked me if it was appropriate. I asked them if he was going to tell the community that abuse is a problem and that reporting to the police is not against halacha. The community affirmed this. So, I encouraged them to get him to speak. When questioned about this stance, I responded, we need every single voice on this issue; not just the pristine and perfect, but also the filthy ones. Every voice is a voice.
I never took a single penny from anyone to assist them or their organizations. I turned down monetary opportunities when presented. I turned down many many speaking and travel opportunities, despite being offered them. Because it was not and never was about me.
I gave myself over on many occasions, interrupting my work or family so that I could assist another. Thousands of my personal hours were given over toward assisting and attempting to achieve some semblance of justice. I literally never had an uninterrupted vacation during the past 6 years.
Some people felt it was their right to demand my time. And, I gave it graciously. I always tried to be available and kind and appropriate to every person that needed my help. Sometimes, I was swamped at work, in a trial, or grading exams, or preparing for a class. I, nevertheless, volunteered my time as much as I was capable of giving and then some. Demands on my time were unceasing and relentless, and I gave what I could and when I could.
I also never got so much as a thank you card from anyone I helped.
I got hatred from dissenters who disagreed with any number of things. A convicted child molester’s family called my job attempting to harm me. In a twist of ironies, a rabbi that once wrote an op-ed denouncing clerical mandated reporting, called my supervisor complaining and misrepresenting in an effort to harm me.
I was on the receiving end of more than enough hateful glares. So was my family. My children were also affected.
Many known child molesters roaming the community receive/d better treatment.
I gained nothing from this battle, except the knowledge that I have participated in saving lives. And, I did save lives. I prevent a number of people from becoming another Daniel.
I stayed in my lane – I knew what my strong suits were and where I was unknowledgeable or unable to help. I kept politics separate. I kept my personal life separate.
My goal was to get the Right to move more toward the center. To remove the stigma of abuse, to protect the communities, to give victims voices, to achieve justice.
When I first began working on these issues, the opposition was harsh. Mesirah was a thing. Teshuva was another. We were opposed by everyone on every issue. Victims were screwed up or liars.
Abusers were amazing people. Slowly the truth began to pervade and our community naturally changed. They didn’t thank us for our efforts; they believed that they’ve always believed this way.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
At some point, I gave over too much without reserving much for myself.
We have come an incredibly long way. We have achieved justice for many. We have succeeded in areas that many thought would fail. We have protected tens of thousands of children. We have changed a generation’s outlook and perspective on this issue.
There is still a long way to go and there always will be. I am hopeful that the next generation of advocates continues in our holy mission.
Those closest to me know that I have always bemoaned the fact that one advocacy area severely lacking was in the legal field. Not enough attorneys were engaged. In fact, outside of the mental-health industry, very few professionals were involved or put themselves on the line for this issue. I am hopeful that some will step up.
But it is time for me to move on.
https://www.facebook.com/benny.forer.3/posts/709846302550675