Monday, January 10, 2022

He did not “lose his balance.” He preyed on children. And the choice to use such benign words only inflicts more pain, trauma and harm.


Too many chose to look away from Chaim Walder’s crimes. We can make other choices now.

 



(JTA) — During my first month as an assistant district attorney in the Bronx, I spent most of my time engaged in an intensive orientation. As part of that training, a senior ADA taught us the art of an effective opening argument. Whether you are prosecuting a child rape case, robbery or homicide, your ability to seek justice is affected by the words you choose to use.

To illustrate this, the ADA shared an effective and impactful opening argument in a case involving a drunk driver, which started like this:

Choices. Choices are what we make every day. We walk through each moment deciding what to do and how to do it. Choices are how we make it from point A to point B, they are why we are here. In the case of a DWI, the choices are your roadmap. The choice to drink. To leave the bar. To pick up those keys. To walk to your car. To open the door. To get in. To put the key in the ignition. To turn it. To shift into Drive. Those small choices are what led to this moment. To crash. To kill.

Every single person who has sexually abused a child has made a choice. So too have the adults, parents, teachers, coaches, role models, clergy, spiritual advisors or communal leaders who have chosen not to act – or not to act in the right way.

The recent scandal surrounding Israeli children’s book author Chaim Walder, accused of sexually abusing dozens of people, including minors, is rife with people making the right and wrong choices. The revelations inspired a surprising and welcome backlash within the Orthodox Jewish community in which Walder was a celebrity, with retailers and media companies severing ties with him.

On the other side, too many rabbis, communal leaders and educators kept silent, chose to say little, or cautioned against “gossip,” especially after Walder’s apparent suicide in the wake of the allegations. Some publicly blamed his accusers for going public, appeared at Walder’s funeral and shiva house or, as the Jerusalem-based teacher and author Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller did on her Facebook page, spoke of Walder as having “lost his balance.”

He did not “lose his balance.” He preyed on children. And the choice to use such benign words only inflicts more pain, trauma and harm.

In all my years of prosecuting child abuse and sex crimes cases, the impact of choices was apparent in every case, every day. Choices made by others meant I could not indict a perpetrator or take them to trial because of the trauma inflicted on the victim, in many cases – a young child. Choices had an impact on every person who could not testify because the pain and trauma were too raw and real. 

Choices made by some meant a child could not disclose their suffering for years because there was no safe space to do so. Other survivors couldn’t come forward because they knew they would be ostracized in communities that choose to blame the victims.

It is a choice to remain uneducated about what a child’s experience of abuse might feel and look like. It is a choice to ignore red flags, boundary-crossing behavior or grooming tactics by adults in positions of power or trust. It is a choice to attribute sole authority to religious and spiritual figures to determine whether something should be reported, to whom and how. It is a choice when our communal leaders choose to impart – or withhold — knowledge about the reality of sexual abuse. These choices change lives, and many times, not for the better.

So now, we have another choice.

For communal leaders, the right choice means saying this: “We stand with and believe survivors and victims. We are committed to learning more, to reporting abuse to law enforcement and to educating our communities – the adults, teachers and rabbis who should bear the onus of preventing abuse. We are committed to providing the tools to communicate and empower our kids, without placing the burden of preventing abuse on them. We are sorry. We must do better. We will do better.”

The wrong choices include suppressing effective talk and knowledge of sexual abuse by invoking the so-called dangers of “lashon hara” (speaking badly), false allegations, rumor-mongering or smear campaigns. The wrong choice is using your social media platform to share inaccurate information or play the “both sides have suffered” argument.

The wrong choice means leveraging the power of spiritual trust and guidance to downplay reports of sexual abuse. The wrong choices include spreading the harmful canard that a child adhering to the Jewish laws of “yichud” and “negiah” – sexual modesty — will be protected from sexual abuse.

Such choices are dangerous, erroneous and put the onus of child protection on the children themselves.

It is our communal responsibility to be the protectors. To be a protector, we must make better choices.

Effective abuse prevention is about the little moments. The choices we make in sharing information at the dinner or Shabbat table. The words we choose, especially when we think our kids aren’t listening. If a parent’s first reaction to these reports is “innocent until proven guilty,” or that “Walder’s books did so much good in the world,” their children, whether they have witnessed abuse, experienced abuse, or just want to understand more about it, are unlikely to come forward.

Anyone who does this work professionally will tell you that it won’t matter how often you tell children that they should let you know if something unsafe ever happens to them: They are unlikely to share if they sense that “I won’t be believed” or “I did something to cause this.”

So, make a choice.

Choose guidance from real experts in the field over spiritual leadership with no expertise.

Choose to use your platforms to convey accurate information.

Choose to be educated and informed, and to ask a professional when you don’t know enough.

Choose better.

Choose to save a life.

19 comments:

  1. https://www.sandiegouniontribune.com/news/courts/story/2022-01-04/chabad-rabbi-sentenced

    The founding rabbi of a Poway synagogue who rose to national prominence when wounded in an anti-Semitic shooting but then exposed as perpetrator of massive fraud schemes, was sentenced Tues to 14 months prison

    In a rare agreement under even rarer circumstances, prosecutors & the defense recommended home confinement rather than behind bars for Yisroel Goldstein. They cited his leadership after the 2019 attack on Chabad Poway, immense physical-emotional trauma the ex-rabbi battles & his cooperation in the FBI fraud investigation

    But the judge rejected that punishment as inappropriate given the severity of the crimes

    “You not only committed this offense but took a lot of people with you,” US Judge Cynthia Bashant told Goldstein, 60

    “It’s important to send a message to the community & to you,” she added

    Goldstein must also pay $2.8 million restitution, shared with defendants participating in the financial cons

    He must surrender by Feb. 23 or can appeal for a later date if COVID continues to surge. The judge recommended a prison in Otisville, NY, accommodating observant Jews

    The FBI says Goldstein frauds exploited taxes, corporate benevolence & govt grants & he personally earned at least $620,000 from conspiracies

    Most prevalent of the schemes is known as 90/10 fraud. Donors made donations to Chabad Poway or affiliates, written off taxes. But instead of money going to the orgs, Goldstein secretly funneled 90% back to the donor, kept 10% for himself. One donor got his donation returned as $1 million in gold

    12+ people took Goldstein up on tax-evasion, for $1.5+ million in IRS losses

    In a variation, donors solicited their companies to match charitable contributions. Goldstein returned the original amount to donors & kept the corporate match. The corps were given fraudulent receipts for tax deductions

    Fortune 500s Qualcomm, Johnson & Johnson and Northrup Grumman were defrauded of $145,000

    The judge was struck by the number of people Goldstein dragged down with him

    “Many thought they committed offenses to benefit Chabad, when it's just for your personal benefit & greed. I can’t ignore it”

    In a letter to the judge & statements in court, Goldstein expressed remorse

    “I beg mercy to accept my repentance, allow me to right wrongs, live the rest of my life with remorse & the chance to do whatever I can to help others,” he told the judge

    ReplyDelete
  2. part 2

    Goldstein became an international figure, delivering a powerful message against hate, when he & 3 members of Chabad were shot in an anti-Semitic attack on Apr 27, 2019. Lori Gilbert-Kaye, who he described as like a sister, was killed

    Gunman John Earnest was sentenced to 2 life terms in prison on state & federal charges

    Bullets struck the rabbi, causing him to lose a finger

    After the attack he delivered hope in a speech standing on a chair to appearances at the White House & UN

    No one knew he was subject of a fraud investigation open more than a year

    Goldstein learned he was being investigated in 2018 when the FBI searched his home & office. He warned a co-conspirator but soon began cooperating with agents

    Goldstein resigned in Nov 2019, citing exhaustion. His crimes weren’t made public until next summer, when he pled guilty to tax & wire fraud

    He came to FBI attention as they investigated a separate Ponzi by San Diego real estate agent Alex Avergoon. The rabbi kept popping up in Avergoon entanglements & agents uncovered other long-running frauds

    With help from Avergoon, Goldstein applied for $937,000 in relief-grants, falsely claiming funds to upgrade synagogue security, repair bogus wildfire damage & upgrade living quarters

    The funds awarded by emergency agencies & a Beverly Hills foundation were majority pocketed

    Hannah Kaye, daughter of the congregant killed, attended with her aunts to witness Goldstein’s fate

    “He's partially responsible for my mother’s murder as result of stealing security grants to protect the synagogue, instead used for personal gain,” Kaye said

    She's taken aback by sentimental comments Goldstein made in court about his close relationship with her family

    “It's exploitive & manipulative, used to elevate his victim status,” she adds

    Avergoon helped Goldstein recruit 90/10 donors & apply for false mortgage-construction loans. In turn Goldstein falsely certified Avergoon & associates community service at Chabad as part of a court order

    Avergoon was sentenced by the same judge Monday to 5+ years in prison for the schemes & an unrelated $12 million Ponzi which investors thought they bought rental property

    Goldstein took the unusual step of producing a documentary-like video to submit to court to tell his side of the story

    He dates his criminality to 2010 when philanthropists died & full weight of administrating the org fell on him, he said was triggered by struggles as 9th of 10 children in Brooklyn

    “I fell prey & worshiped the Golden Calf of money,” Goldstein wrote the judge, referring to a Biblical idol. “I was seduced to a very dark place”

    However, the investigation found Goldstein schemes date to 1980, including a long-running conspiracy to shield $2+ million from taxes

    Goldstein helped his brother in NY hide $700,000 income deposited in Chabad accounts, the then-rabbi getting a cut. Mendel Goldstein, 64, pleaded guilty & is to be sentenced in Feb

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  3. Boruch Dayan HaEmess as the Empress of anti-vaxx has passed away.

    Charedi media mentions no cause of death, so was it covid?

    ReplyDelete
  4. The current excuse is that Walder, formerly worthy of a zt"l after his name and a hero's funeral, was actually not well educated and not a great Chareidi authority. And him having a column in the most prestigious Chareidi newpaper? Fake news!

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  5. This will be one of those few stories that will hang around forever, they can spin it any way they choose to at their peril!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Times of London reporting that Burich Lebovits defender Alan Dershbag was unsuccessfully twisting Trump's arm to pardon Ghislaine Maxwell.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I am sure she died of some COVID complications because dozens of RY are diagnosed with COVID!!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Moshe Sternbuch: Walder's kids can read and have their father's books but other kids cannot. What's next? Orwell book burning with chametz?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oy vey!

    https://www.foxbusiness.com/media/billionaire-ceo-meat-egg-shortage-omicron-supply-chain

    Im ain Fressing, ain Agudah Convention!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm gonna give Catsela a piece of my mind for not warning me about the latest fleish & eyer increase before he blabbered on Fox News.

    My catering rates are going up to keep all the Fressers fed at the Convention!

    UOJ should just know that the 1959 Fresser with chazerish penchant for 12 eggs, not 1 less, has got a bunch of eyniklach who attack my omelet station guys fun der alleh zeiten!

    ReplyDelete
  11. UOJ should just know that the 1959 Fresser with chazerish penchant for 12 eggs, not 1 less, has got a bunch of eyniklach who attack my omelet station guys fun der alleh zeiten!

    ***** Verrrry funny stuff! Shkooach :-)

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  12. The Fresser Horror Picture Show9:19 PM, January 10, 2022

    Where on the blog is that classic piece on the 1959 Hingrik Bulvan with the TZVELVE eggs who traumatized UOJ at the Agudah Fresser Convention?

    ReplyDelete
  13. The Fresser Horror Picture Show


    *

    I remember writing it years ago...When I have a chance I'll givalook :-)

    ReplyDelete
  14. https://yudelstake.blogspot.com/2022/01/the-star-k-kasherd-baltimore-ner.html

    Agudah Fresser in-fighting!

    ReplyDelete
  15. https://nypost.com/2022/01/10/nyc-real-estate-heir-robert-durst-dead-at-78/

    The manipulator put on a Chabad BT act in prison before the Court decided his guilt.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Mamash kefira how UOJ constantly criticizes our Agudah Convention Fressing!

    https://nypost.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2018/12/122818-food-craving-1.jpg?quality=90&strip=all&w=1535

    Oineg Shabbos is from the yesoidos of Yiddishkeit so avaddeh we will do alleh hiddurim!

    ReplyDelete
  17. http://theunorthodoxjew.blogspot.com/search?q=pioneer+country+club

    Enjoy - At breakfast on Friday, one behaimishe baal habayis tells his waiter, " I vant an omelette mit ah dozen - 12 eggs, fried on baider zeiten, and if it's 11 eggs, I'll know -- hahaha". Putz! We kids were sitting at the entrance to the kitchen as the waiter rushes in to tell his story. Ugly I tell you, stuff that stays with you for a lifetime.

    ReplyDelete
  18. http://theunorthodoxjew.blogspot.com/2010/11/what-i-would-say-at-agudah-convention.html

    *******

    Enjoy - At breakfast on Friday, one behaimishe baal habayis tells his waiter, " I vant an omelette mit ah dozen - 12 eggs, fried on baider zeiten, and if it's 11 eggs, I'll know -- hahaha". Putz! We kids were sitting at the entrance to the kitchen as the waiter rushes in to tell his story. Ugly I tell you, stuff that stays with you for a lifetime.

    ReplyDelete