UOJ & Rabbi Pinchos Lipschutz Of Yated Ne'eman Collaborate On A Shabbos Shuva Drasha Heard 'Round The World!

A UOJ Archived Parody! September 21, 2009

Agudath Israel

The fascination with this group's downfall and the manner in which they hoodwinked shrewd, intelligent people seems bottomless. Why is the public appetite for details about how they defrauded people so insatiable?

The thousands of people who were wiped out spiritually when the web of deceit ripped apart, have yet to be quantified. Is it because they abused the trust of so many? Is it because they took every last dime of emunah? Is it because they took the lies from rabbis/gedolim when they knew that, and passing it off to the next sucker in line? Is it because of the unprecedented number of people whose trust they abused and lost?

Is it the spectacular amounts of cover-ups that they supposedly gobbled up that is driving the public's obsession with this group?

They are not the first group of crooks and sociopathic liars, and they won't be the last. They are not the first persons to look into people's eyes and lie to them. The world is, regrettably, full of fast-talkers who sweet-talk people into a variety of schemes aimed at fleecing them.

Most of us have had the experience of talking to habitual, bold-faced liars - and realizing that we are being lied to. Most people are intelligent enough to at least be on the lookout for charlatans.

It is true that we live in a period when we are more susceptible to those who are blessed with the gift of oratory and the ability to offer glib optimistic promises. It is doubtful if the current president-elect would be in his position if he wouldn't have been blessed with the gift of oratory. There are many other individuals in leadership positions who are looked up to by a variety of people strictly because of the way they communicate and not necessarily because of their superior knowledge or intellect. Can it be that the fascination with Agudah is that people are enamored by their salesmanship abilities?

What is so different about this group of rabbis? Why is everyone so fascinated by their capers?

These fabulously pathetic Jews generally view themselves and their lives as more important than those of the little people who have to sweat over a blatt gemora. The culture of power and privilege that comes with their immense phony emunah makes these Jews feel superior to common folk. With a multitude of subordinates like Zwiebel, Shafran and Weinberger catering to their every need and want, and a way of life that defies description, they seem to inhabit a parallel universe.

But it's more than that. The delusion of superiority enjoyed by the rabbis is reinforced by the masses who pay homage to them. Even rabbis who speak out against the worship of money, defer to the rich and bend over backwards (very far) to please the wealthy in their community.

Why?..... Speak to any Swiss banker!

A rabbi commands respect and attention wherever he goes. People point him out when he walks into a room and seek his counsel on various matters, most of which he often knows nothing about.

Everyone wants to be associated with gedolim and, more often than not, the barometer of tzidkas is the size of the rabbi's beard and hat. Usually it matters not how corrupt the rabbi is.

With very few exceptions, this is the way of the world. Honesty is viewed as naivete. One who declines to participate in an Agudah Convention because of the dubious ethics of that group of child-rape enablers, or refuses government benefits he may not be entitled to, is scorned as a fool.

The hardworking electrician or craftsman who works from early in the morning to late at night, never overcharging and remaining fastidious about paying his taxes, may not earn any one's admiration. It's the one who cuts corners, gives dishonest answers on government forms, overcharges and plays fast and loose with the rules who often seems to be more respected for his accomplishments.

An honest middle class man who pays his tuition and is punctilious in the giving of maaser and charity to the less fortunate isn't respected enough for his integrity and reliability. The same goes for the kindhearted fellow who doesn't push his weight around trying to dictate what others should do and does not let child-rapists run loose in his Borough Park two inches of backyard.

We have in our midst people of sterling character, individuals who are intelligent, capable and resourceful, who can envision solutions and follow through on a project to completion. These people realize that all their talents and possessions are gifts from Hashem. They remain humble and G-d fearing. It is this kind of person whom we need in positions of leadership, not the idiots we have now.

Unfortunately, however, we don't appreciate these people. We look for people with glitz and glamour of shtreimels, spudiks, Borsalinos, and the ganovim surrounding them. Awed by their success in duping people to buy them huge amounts of yeshiva real estate with private toilets and basements for their rebbes, we put our trust in these people, imagining that they possess the brilliance and competence to lead us to success.

Then, suddenly, our eyes are opened when we see the rabbis taken down by the cheapest UOJ tricks in the book. We are astounded. How were successful Jews taken in by these thieves? How did they allow themselves to ignore the most basic laws of trust that relatively unsophisticated people are familiar with?

The very people who inspired so much envy and hero-worship, and who we turned to for advice and guidance, have been exposed as fatally blinded by their hunger for more money and power. It fascinates people to realize that the rabbis are no smarter than they, and may even be less intelligent. Middle class people are amazed to see that the wealth they so covet is fleeting and meaningless, while the money they have given to fraudulent rabbis was used for the thieves own gain at the expense of the community.

The media will get over its obsession with child sexual molestation in the Jewish community; the public will soon lose its fascination with this story. Yet, long after the allure of these criminal incidents fades, we must remember its lessons.

Don't rush to respect these rabbis again. Don't become enamored by people who seem to to tell you the truth no matter what the situation. Don't judge a person by the black clothing he wears. Be a true Jew -- eliminate the middleman - go direct to the manufacturer! What kind of Jew buys retail?

Remember that sechel - common sense is a Divine gift intended for the recipient to better mankind and those around him. He who uses his gifts wisely has fulfilled his obligations and accomplished what is expected of him. The one who disburses his largess to worthwile mosdos of Torah and chesed has earned eternity for himself and his loved ones. He who squanders it in selfish pursuits or phony tzedakas and thieving yeshiva owners, leads an empty and purposeless life. He fritters away the benefits he could have accrued in this life and wastes numerous opportunities for eternity.

People who lead honest lives don't chase after phony promises and empty words of fraudulent rabbis behind the rainbow. They have their emunah the old-fashioned way - the Torah hakedosha. They avoid subterfuge and dishonesty. When asking sheilos, they take great care to diversify, never putting all their eggs in one rabbinic basket.

They know that nothing works in a straight upward curve; life has its ups and downs that affect every sphere of faith. Now its the down --- kick your kids out of kollel and force them to go to work.

Enough with these bums hamming it up in the Lakewood coffee room. Stop the checks to them and to the Kotlers --- tell Malkiel and Aron to get real jobs. Shenky can get them traffic cop jobs in a jif! You - parents - are expected to work yourselves dead so your kids can putz around in Atlantic City?

Even though your kids are devious, lazy bandits, don't become broken and give up hope when things are pointing down. Maintain your emunah and bitachon. In the good times, don't flaunt your success and don't force others to conform to your meshugasin of attending lavish yeshivah dinners and conventions. Remain committed to the greater good at all times. Tell the rabbis who knock on your door with their hands out, to kiss off!

We are currently experiencing a spiritual depression as well. Many good people are losing not only their emunah but their savings and the possessions they worked so hard to earn. Everyone we know seems to have been forced, at least somewhat, to lower their standard of living. In the dark as to what tomorrow will bring, many are now cutting back on all forms of spending and holding on to what they have.

People upon whom charitable organizations depended to continue their work are no longer in a position to be of much financial assistance. People with hearts overflowing with the desire to help, and who formerly supported yeshivos and enabled them to maintain genaiveshe real estate holdings, the golden chain stretching back as far as the thief was able to deceive you, are themselves broken-hearted and in need of support and mercy. Nothing like a good molesting by a rabbi to get them to appreciate how lucky they really are.

In difficult straits, rabbis, yeshivas and Jewish organizations will find themselves various unethical schemes to attain wealth and success by taking moral shortcuts. When tempted by dishonesty and duplicity, one has but to remember Margo's downfall. In the end, the truth always emerges, but the rabbis' have short memories, are short on brains, and have been shortened by untrained mohelim.

Frauds and lies will only get you so far. Eventually, the treachery will catch up with you. Together with your wealth, all those adoring friends who couldn't do enough for you will disappear.

Everything temporary comes to a crashing end. Only truth is enduring. Shidduchim for your kids will disappear unless you create some new fraudulent Ponzi scheme -- and Agudath Israel will get the government's money to teach you exactly how to pull it off! Project Dope!

At times like these, we search for things that will uplift and inspire us positively. Neginah, song, has the power to do that in unparalleled ways. Good Jewish music is intended to reach the recesses of our neshamos and make us into better people. Simple poetic words of timeless truth when combined with proper music have a way of doing just that.

Sing and declare "Toras Hashem Temimah" loud and often! Beseech God with "Achas Shoalti", and remember our only source of sustenance when singing "V'yiten L'cho Elokim M'tal Hashomayim...."

[The Lord's Torah is perfect, it restores the soul. The Lord's testimony is reliable, it makes the simple person wise.












Track Title: Toras Hashem
Composer: Feivel Mendlowitz
Ensemble: The Choir of Pirchei Agudath Israel of America
Conductor: Stanley Sperber
Language: Hebrew
Album/Collection Title: Pirchei Sings - Ani Maamin
Label: Pirchei Records
Country of Publication: USA
Archived by the Trustees of Dartmouth College

There is one thing I ask the Lord, one thing that I desire --- That I might dwell in the Lord's house all the days of my life, witnessing the Lord's goodness and contemplating in His sanctuary.

And the Lord giveth from the dew of the Heavens....

CLICK ON IMAGES TO ENLARGE:


As these hit songs proclaim, let us stay strong and cling to our beliefs. Let us cast aside the alma deshikra that tempts us every day from the bowels of 42 Broadway, and strengthen our connection to the One Above and His Torah. In that merit, we will be zoche to greet Moshiach Tzidkeini, may he come speedily, in our day.

{Contact the Yated for the original undoctored article - Pinny you owe me one --- a check to Survivors For Justice would be a good start!}