UOJ IS THE ROTO ROOTER GUY!
Published originally August 18, 2006 B.C. (Before Convention)
Customer Service Number:1-800-TOLD-YOU.
You buy a house in a good neighborhood and your toilet keeps backing up. Not every day, but just enough for you to realize that your sewer system is a problem. But you're busy, raising a family, making a parnassah, and all the other activities that occupy your time 110%.
So your sewer problem is there, any fool would realize that if your toilet keeps dumping zevel in your living room every few months, you have a sewer problem. In order for you to deal with the problem you must take a real hard look at the root cause of the damaged system. Then you come to realize that the whole neighborhood has shit backing up into their bedrooms, dining rooms and living rooms as well.
You call a meeting with your neighbors and decide to buy thicker carpets and have the zevel piped in under the carpet so you don't have to have the crap hit you in the face. You make many melave malkes, conventions and dinners and take the stench with you...because ultimately the stench is you! But now you're in a room where every one smells like shit and you think it's perfume or so they tell you. You now go out and buy knee boots...hoping the charra will not dirty your suit or legs. At the dais of these dinners, you begin to believe that they caused the stench by stuffing your sewers with their bull"shit", so if you called a plumber, they will profit from your sewer problem, because they own the plumbing company.
They continue to stuff up your sewer system with newsletters and proclamations, and their propaganda slowly convinces you that really you don't have a sewer problem at all. It's imagined.....and let's blame the sewer company for selling you inferior pipes."
It's the Goyim stupid"......or people that act like Goyim. And you know what? The plumbers that brought you the news that you have a problem at all, are shgatzim. They use nivel peh, are m'challel Shabbos, they fix sewers on Shabbos...what qualifies them to tell you that your sewer is broken? Never listen to a plumber who uses nivel peh; call your posek, he'll tell you what looks like shit, smells like shit, and has destroyed your lives with these toxic fumes that have penetrated your being, is really nothing more than a tradition that all of us inherited from our ancestors.( What looks like sex abuse, feels like sex abuse,and IS sex abuse, is really, really, NOT sex abuse, it's the psak from a godol that really counts, NOT the law of our Country, or the law of civilized man!)
What to do? All your life you are living in this community, but now this big bad plumber has uncovered for all the world to see, that there really is a huge sewer problem.
The Roto Rooter guy insists that the sewer is irreparable; only a total removal of the sewer "system" will remove the problem that has destroyed your home. It must be replaced with brand new pipes and must be installed by reputable plumbers. He apologizes for his frustration and his use of "over the top" language, but has learned from experience that good people don't pay much attention to soft spoken plumbers." Imagine" he says, " If I came to your home in a suit and tie, and spoke the King's English, would you really believe that I'm a plumber?" "Would you really believe that me and me alone can tear out your broken sewer and replace it with a brand new working system that is able to flush out the drek before it becomes a problem? I will install a warning system..we'll call it a black hat alert, the shit detector will sound a siren way in advance, way before your sewer begins to crumble."
"And you know what? It's FREE! I'll do it at no charge. You see I love the people that live in this neighborhood, I JUST HATE THE SMELL! This used to be a beautiful neighborhood, until the drek peddlers moved in.
Your choice my friends, go Roto Rooter, or suffer with the farshtoonkena drek that represents the toxic smell that is destroying your neighborhood.
Go Roto Rooter at no charge, or choose the likes of the mushchasim that are called Fraud Yisroel Belsky, Lipa Margulies, Pinchos Scheinberg, Simcha Kaufman and last but certainly not least, Yudi Kolko.