Produced by the president of the UOJ executive board...R' Gross.
An intelligent reader writes; definitely worthy as a headliner. (I'm humbly embarrassed by the praise)
UOJ, what you have done is nothing short of heroic having the guts to peel back the Band-Aids and let the healing of the victims begin. As Rav Yaakov Kamentzki has said, if an abuse victim does not follow the Halachah because of what he experienced, the abuser gets those aveiros. The pain is real and lived with on a daily basis.
A close friend of mine just told me this horrible story. He was married for over a decade, and had problems with intimacy and felt it was evil, disgusting, and not necessary. For all this time his wife felt that he didn't find her attractive, and felt depressed despite his reassurances. As a result of your blog the suppressed memories came back, and he recalled vividly being molested over 22 years before. This realization made him understand his discomfort and embarrassment involved in intimacy. This disclosure has helped facilitate healing with this couple, though obviously not fully.
While my friend's abuser is free to walk about like an upstanding citizen, he is left with the troubles caused. Because the abuser is so respected no rabbi believed what he was saying, sending back to more abuse, while chastising him for having the chutzpah to say such things.
To All Rabbis:
When a person comes to you with an allegation of abuse, they are coming to you out of pain. Don't blow them off, lecture them about Derech Eretz, and say it can't be. A dayan at the time that the accused is in front of him, must believe that he may have done what he is accused of. As the saying goes Kabdehu V'Chashdehu, respect him BUT suspect him.
To All Principals:
When a person comes to you with an allegation of abuse, tread carefully. While you have a responsibility towards your staff, the children are much more important.
When a fellow staff member comes to you with information, they are putting everything on the line for the sake of the children. You must take these allegations seriously.
To All Spouses:
If your spouse is not interested in intimacy, it is not that you are unattractive; it is more than likely a subconscious decision. Sadly, there are too many Jewish couples wearing the great Band-Aid of pain. Support your spouse as you slowly remove the Band-Aid and heal.
The following article is especially helpful for couples coping with this painful topic. This is obviously not meant for children of non-marriageable age. The page is: