A Reader Writes The Yated Ne'eman....
Dear Yated Editor,
I address this to the parents of the children who are caught up in the problem with gedolim cards.
Dear suffering parents,
Remember your goals, which are to raise kinderlach al derech haTorah. The photographers and marketers of these cards do not share your goals. They are in it to make money, which is why these cards are printed, attractively packaged, and sold with the plan to withhold certain cards, which in turn, ensures more sales - and not necessarily more ahavas haTorah.
Please understand that any leader in any field (social, community, business, religious, etc.) has become a leader because he/she thinks “outside of the box.” This means that the person has unusual thinking patterns, which sometimes (not always) results in unusual success.
Abusers also think “outside of the box.” This is what sustains their positions as leaders, even in the face of acute distress of those that they are taking advantage of. Their trick is to “out-think” the person or people that they are trying to manipulate. The trick to getting out from under a problem, is to out-think even those who think outside of the box by thinking outside of the box yourself.
Firstly, hang on to your goal of raising good, frum, emesdike kinderlach. While you keep that goal in mind, whatever you come up with must be different than what you have been doing until now, since the same type of thinking that got you into the problem is not going to get you out of it! So change how you approach the ideal of raising your child. Think of new ways to do it.
Here is one “outside of the box” solution. Call up Torah Umesorah, Artscroll, the Agudah, and your local Hebrew Library - whatever - and get any article, essay, etc. that has a photo of your child’s “missing” gadol. Get a copy of it and present it to your son. Do they need a face from the actual set? No, they need the missing face, because the goal is to see the faces of our great leaders. Get any photo. If they are sorry about this paltry replacement (because they want it to match the set), remind them what the overall goal is, and how it can be accomplished in more ways than one.
Alternatively, get a list of the gedolim, and collect your own photos from numerous sources! I myself have a “Tzaddik Album” at home where I paste in whatever nice photos of gedolim come along. This hobby has no parameters. It just unfolds with time and is kept among the family albums.
Remember that people who abuse the system get away with their behaviors because they confuse and frustrate the rest of the world who walk on more common ground. In order to stop them, it will not help to “speak to the hanhala” or take any normal, common action. Normal, common actions is what makes abusers laugh. They expect “normal” and base their game-plan on the well-meaning, generally innocent masses.
To get back control of your own children you, too, must think outside of the box. Take your sanity, pocketbook and child back from the grips of a phenomenon that has simply gotten out of control.
UOJ Comments,
Thanks Pinky, I could not have said it better myself!
EVERY SIGNATURE MATTERS - THIS BILL MUST PASS!
CLICK - GOAL - 100,000 NEW SIGNATURES! 75,000 SIGNATURES HAVE ALREADY BEEN SUBMITTED TO GOVERNOR CUOMO!
EFF Urges Court to Block Dragnet Subpoenas Targeting Online Commenters
CLICK! For the full motion to quash: http://www.eff.org/files/filenode/hersh_v_cohen/UOJ-motiontoquashmemo.pdf
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Friday, March 10, 2006
Questions to Ask Yourself Before Disclosing That You Are A Victim Of Sexual Abuse
Questions to Ask Yourself Before Disclosing, Confronting or Going Public
Reprinted by Permission © 1992, Shauna Green
Survivors of various forms of abuse often want to disclose their experiences, confront their perpetrators, and/or speak-out about their abuse, in an attempt to try to help educate the public. Often the urge to share personal information about one self occurs during various stages of healing. From personal experience and talking to other Adult Survivors of childhood abuse, it is suggested that you consider the many questions listed in this article. You may also want to refer to "The Courage to Heal" ( by Laura Davis and Ellen Bass) and "The Courage to Heal Workbook" (by Laura Davis).
Unfortunately, the reality is that our society is NOT very accepting and/or understanding to the various issues of Adult Survivors of abuse, especially of Spritual Abuse and or Sadistic Ritual Abuse (SRA). The majority of the survivors I have spoken to, who have confronted individuals, and/or have gone public -- shared that they had negative experiences after they have shared their abuse histories with others. These survivors have all been met with disbelief and have been considered to be crazy, hysterical and/or delusional. Too often when individuals state that they are Adult Survivor's (of incest, cults and/or other forms of ritual abuse), they find that they automatically lose credibility.
We, as survivors can not be responsible for the reactions of others. What we can do is take control of our actions and be prepared for the outcome if we as an individual decide to share out histories with others. It is also important to be aware and accept, that the a vast number of adult survivors of sadistic abuse will not find it to be beneficial to confront, disclose and/or go public. It is vital for each individual to decide for themself, and be sure that they are not being pressured to make any decisions. This is a reminder that once you share information about yourself, you can NOT take it back.
If you thinking about going public, it is important to consider how you are going to do it.
Are you going to use your real name or a pseudonym?
Will you wear a disguise of some sort?
Will you be paid? How much?
If you are going on television will the producer of the show agree in writing to use a computer and distort both your voice and face (this is strongly suggested for the beginner)?
Will you have to sign a contract or an agreement? What will it say? It is strongly suggested you read the agreement BEFORE the day you are supposed to speak-out!
Will your attempt to educate the public cause harm to your credibility? Are you allowing yourself to be exploited?
Will it hurt you in your present or future career, social life, family life (including your spouse and children)?
The Following are some questions you can ask yourself to help you make up your mind if disclosing, confronting and/or going public is right for you.
Directions: Answer the following questions on a separate piece of paper. Think about the following questions and your answers. Share your responses with at least one trusted support person. Ask for Feedback! BEFORE you disclose and/or confront someone.
Whom do I want to tell? Why?
Is someone or something internally/externally pressuring me to disclose my abuse history or confront my perpetrator(s)? Who and/or What is pressuring me?
If my plans includes going public, what are my motives? (It's suggested you consider all of the following questions before speaking in any public forum).
What do I hope to gain from this disclosure and/or confrontation? What could I loose by this disclosure and/or confrontation? Are my expectations realistic?
Have I thought about safety issues? What are they for me?
What are my motives for confronting my perpetrators? Do I have to be concerned about my safety?
Am I confronting my perpetrator(s) to gain information? Can anyone else supply me with the information I desire?
Would I be risking something I still want from my family (i.e. financial and/or emotional support, inheritance, employment in family business, other)?
Could I live with the possibility of being excluded from family gatherings (i.e. Holidays, Weddings, Deaths in my family. . .)? What would that mean to me? How would I deal with the loss?
Am I willing to take the risk of losing contact with other family members with whom I want to stay connected? What would that mean? Would I deal with the loss?
Am I grounded and stable enough to risk being called crazy?
Could I maintain my own reality in the face of denial?
Can I withstand the anger that I am likely to face from others?
Could I handle my own anger and/or other feelings? How would I do that?
Could I handle no reaction at all?
Do I have a solid enough support system to back me up before, during and after the confrontation?
Which support people agreed to be available before, during, and after?
Can I realistically imagine both the worst and best outcomes that might result? Could I live with either one?
How have I prepared myself for the Confrontation and/or disclosure?
Other issues I've considered regarding confronting or disclosing my abuse to others.
Remember: It is important that you focus on yourself and your own personal needs before deciding to go disclose, confront and/or go public. This is also true before, during and after any confrontation. Try to remember what you want or need to say (for your own personal needs and not anyone else's), how you want to handle the situation, rather than on any response you may hope to get. Plan to process the confrontation and/or disclosure with your therapist and/or trusted support person(s). Remember, this can be an ongoing task (and that's ok).
Reprinted by Permission © 1992, Shauna Green
Survivors of various forms of abuse often want to disclose their experiences, confront their perpetrators, and/or speak-out about their abuse, in an attempt to try to help educate the public. Often the urge to share personal information about one self occurs during various stages of healing. From personal experience and talking to other Adult Survivors of childhood abuse, it is suggested that you consider the many questions listed in this article. You may also want to refer to "The Courage to Heal" ( by Laura Davis and Ellen Bass) and "The Courage to Heal Workbook" (by Laura Davis).
Unfortunately, the reality is that our society is NOT very accepting and/or understanding to the various issues of Adult Survivors of abuse, especially of Spritual Abuse and or Sadistic Ritual Abuse (SRA). The majority of the survivors I have spoken to, who have confronted individuals, and/or have gone public -- shared that they had negative experiences after they have shared their abuse histories with others. These survivors have all been met with disbelief and have been considered to be crazy, hysterical and/or delusional. Too often when individuals state that they are Adult Survivor's (of incest, cults and/or other forms of ritual abuse), they find that they automatically lose credibility.
We, as survivors can not be responsible for the reactions of others. What we can do is take control of our actions and be prepared for the outcome if we as an individual decide to share out histories with others. It is also important to be aware and accept, that the a vast number of adult survivors of sadistic abuse will not find it to be beneficial to confront, disclose and/or go public. It is vital for each individual to decide for themself, and be sure that they are not being pressured to make any decisions. This is a reminder that once you share information about yourself, you can NOT take it back.
If you thinking about going public, it is important to consider how you are going to do it.
Are you going to use your real name or a pseudonym?
Will you wear a disguise of some sort?
Will you be paid? How much?
If you are going on television will the producer of the show agree in writing to use a computer and distort both your voice and face (this is strongly suggested for the beginner)?
Will you have to sign a contract or an agreement? What will it say? It is strongly suggested you read the agreement BEFORE the day you are supposed to speak-out!
Will your attempt to educate the public cause harm to your credibility? Are you allowing yourself to be exploited?
Will it hurt you in your present or future career, social life, family life (including your spouse and children)?
The Following are some questions you can ask yourself to help you make up your mind if disclosing, confronting and/or going public is right for you.
Directions: Answer the following questions on a separate piece of paper. Think about the following questions and your answers. Share your responses with at least one trusted support person. Ask for Feedback! BEFORE you disclose and/or confront someone.
Whom do I want to tell? Why?
Is someone or something internally/externally pressuring me to disclose my abuse history or confront my perpetrator(s)? Who and/or What is pressuring me?
If my plans includes going public, what are my motives? (It's suggested you consider all of the following questions before speaking in any public forum).
What do I hope to gain from this disclosure and/or confrontation? What could I loose by this disclosure and/or confrontation? Are my expectations realistic?
Have I thought about safety issues? What are they for me?
What are my motives for confronting my perpetrators? Do I have to be concerned about my safety?
Am I confronting my perpetrator(s) to gain information? Can anyone else supply me with the information I desire?
Would I be risking something I still want from my family (i.e. financial and/or emotional support, inheritance, employment in family business, other)?
Could I live with the possibility of being excluded from family gatherings (i.e. Holidays, Weddings, Deaths in my family. . .)? What would that mean to me? How would I deal with the loss?
Am I willing to take the risk of losing contact with other family members with whom I want to stay connected? What would that mean? Would I deal with the loss?
Am I grounded and stable enough to risk being called crazy?
Could I maintain my own reality in the face of denial?
Can I withstand the anger that I am likely to face from others?
Could I handle my own anger and/or other feelings? How would I do that?
Could I handle no reaction at all?
Do I have a solid enough support system to back me up before, during and after the confrontation?
Which support people agreed to be available before, during, and after?
Can I realistically imagine both the worst and best outcomes that might result? Could I live with either one?
How have I prepared myself for the Confrontation and/or disclosure?
Other issues I've considered regarding confronting or disclosing my abuse to others.
Remember: It is important that you focus on yourself and your own personal needs before deciding to go disclose, confront and/or go public. This is also true before, during and after any confrontation. Try to remember what you want or need to say (for your own personal needs and not anyone else's), how you want to handle the situation, rather than on any response you may hope to get. Plan to process the confrontation and/or disclosure with your therapist and/or trusted support person(s). Remember, this can be an ongoing task (and that's ok).
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
The Haman Of Our Times
Vayehi Beyimei Margulies V’Kolko
This post is to update the public on the goings on since I mailed the letter so many of you received.
Members of my group have been in touch with Margulies and Kolko. As I predicted to them, every agreement reached with Margulies was shortly thereafter breached by him.
As I’ve been telling my friends,
“you can’t teach an alter mamzer new tricks.”
Most recently, at the behest of a prominent asken and Yeshiva Torah Temimah parent, Margulies proposed a panel of three to hear the charges and evidence against Kolko. We immediately agreed. Sound like progress? With anyone other than Margulies I’d be dancing for joy. With Margulies I knew it was only a matter of time before he backed out of this latest agreement.
Guess what my friends, I was right again!
The latest ploy by Margulies and Kolko involves Margulies shopping around for a reason not to go to his own bais din. That’s right, this human tinaf poorly disguised as the “Rosh Yeshiva” is looking for ways to avoid bais din in order to keep a molester in Yeshiva Torah Temima!
The depths of Margulies depravity is beginning to surprise even me.
We have irrefutable proof that Yudi Kolko is a chronic and violent child molester. So does Margulies! Every day that goes by produces more horrific stories of Kolko violently abusing children. Yet, Margulies refuses to fire this sick violent child molester.
Is this the man we want running a Yeshiva with a thousand children?
My brothers and sisters, whether you like me or hate me, agree with my ravings on other topics or are furious at me for expressing myself as I have, you all agree with me that a child molester does not belong in the classroom.
I’ve been patient. I’ve been relatively quiet. I’m out of patience.
If Margulies and Kolko do not appear before bais din immediately I will release the other vicious "dogs" on them and Yeshiva Torah Temimah. This is a promise. As you all know, I deliver on my promises.
I want the world to know that I gave Margulies and Kolko every chance possible to prevent this next move. They can still stop me. All they have to do is go straight to bais din, don’t stop at go, don’t collect $200, just go straight to Bais Din. NOW!
This post is to update the public on the goings on since I mailed the letter so many of you received.
Members of my group have been in touch with Margulies and Kolko. As I predicted to them, every agreement reached with Margulies was shortly thereafter breached by him.
As I’ve been telling my friends,
“you can’t teach an alter mamzer new tricks.”
Most recently, at the behest of a prominent asken and Yeshiva Torah Temimah parent, Margulies proposed a panel of three to hear the charges and evidence against Kolko. We immediately agreed. Sound like progress? With anyone other than Margulies I’d be dancing for joy. With Margulies I knew it was only a matter of time before he backed out of this latest agreement.
Guess what my friends, I was right again!
The latest ploy by Margulies and Kolko involves Margulies shopping around for a reason not to go to his own bais din. That’s right, this human tinaf poorly disguised as the “Rosh Yeshiva” is looking for ways to avoid bais din in order to keep a molester in Yeshiva Torah Temima!
The depths of Margulies depravity is beginning to surprise even me.
We have irrefutable proof that Yudi Kolko is a chronic and violent child molester. So does Margulies! Every day that goes by produces more horrific stories of Kolko violently abusing children. Yet, Margulies refuses to fire this sick violent child molester.
Is this the man we want running a Yeshiva with a thousand children?
My brothers and sisters, whether you like me or hate me, agree with my ravings on other topics or are furious at me for expressing myself as I have, you all agree with me that a child molester does not belong in the classroom.
I’ve been patient. I’ve been relatively quiet. I’m out of patience.
If Margulies and Kolko do not appear before bais din immediately I will release the other vicious "dogs" on them and Yeshiva Torah Temimah. This is a promise. As you all know, I deliver on my promises.
I want the world to know that I gave Margulies and Kolko every chance possible to prevent this next move. They can still stop me. All they have to do is go straight to bais din, don’t stop at go, don’t collect $200, just go straight to Bais Din. NOW!
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Auschwitz, Sexual Abuse And Rabbis
A Reader Comments
"Herskovic died Friday at his Encino home after a lengthy battle with cancer, said his daughter, Patricia Herskovic.
Three months after being sent from Belgium to Auschwitz, Herskovic escaped by cutting through a chain-link fence with two other prisoners using a pair of wire cutters he had hidden. It was the first night of Hanukkah in 1942.
The three hopped a train to Breslau, Germany, but a local rabbi threw them out when they tried to tell him about the horrors at Auschwitz."
People dont realize.... throughout jewish history rabbis denied and did not address many important issues as they happened. Rabbonim (for the most part i hope) are learned people, that know how to deal with pure halacha and jewish matters.
War, sexual abuse, drugs and many other world issues are out of many rabbonims' league and they just dont have the tools to deal with. It usually takes years and years for the "leaders" in that sense, to catch up to the times. Drug use is a good example, I think they are finally catching up, but sexual abuse unfortunately is taking a longer time. I hope sooner rather than later people and leaders will stop being this blind and deal with these issues in an appropriate manner. If they would only look back at their own history... and learn from the mistakes of the past.
"Herskovic died Friday at his Encino home after a lengthy battle with cancer, said his daughter, Patricia Herskovic.
Three months after being sent from Belgium to Auschwitz, Herskovic escaped by cutting through a chain-link fence with two other prisoners using a pair of wire cutters he had hidden. It was the first night of Hanukkah in 1942.
The three hopped a train to Breslau, Germany, but a local rabbi threw them out when they tried to tell him about the horrors at Auschwitz."
People dont realize.... throughout jewish history rabbis denied and did not address many important issues as they happened. Rabbonim (for the most part i hope) are learned people, that know how to deal with pure halacha and jewish matters.
War, sexual abuse, drugs and many other world issues are out of many rabbonims' league and they just dont have the tools to deal with. It usually takes years and years for the "leaders" in that sense, to catch up to the times. Drug use is a good example, I think they are finally catching up, but sexual abuse unfortunately is taking a longer time. I hope sooner rather than later people and leaders will stop being this blind and deal with these issues in an appropriate manner. If they would only look back at their own history... and learn from the mistakes of the past.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Case of Rabbi Yudi Kolko - Yeshiva Torah Temimah
<The Awareness Center is The Jewish Coalition Against Sexual Abuse/Assault (JCASA)
http://www.theawarenesscenter.org/Kolko_Yudi.html
Case of Rabbi Yudi Kolko - Yeshiva Torah Temimah
Flatbush (New York), NY
My name is Jeffrey Herman and I am an attorney who represents victims of sexual abuse who were abused by Yudi Kolko. I am currently investigating these claims.
If anyone has information about this case, please contact me via email at jherman@hermanlaw.com or via telephone at (305) 931-2200.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your Financial Support is Needed! Make a Donation
Email Groups for the Awareness Center This link will bring you to a list of different mailing lists offered by The Awareness Center. We offers several different email groups,which include our general mailing list, press-releases, Jewish survivors of childhood sexual abuse, Parents of children who were molested, Family members of sex offenders, etc.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Disclaimer: Inclusion in this website does not constitute a recommendation or endorsement. Individuals must decide for themselves if the resources meet their own personal needs.
Table of Contents:
Request from attorney Jeffrey Herman (02/18/2006)
A Survivor Speaks Out (02/01/2006)
A Survivors Story (02/16/2006)
Also see:
Rabbis, Cantors and Other Trusted Officials
Offenders: Problems Our Parents Wouldn't Speak Of
Recidivism of Sex Offenders (U.S. Department of Justice: Center for Sex Offender Management)
(Top)
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Request from attorney Jeffrey Herman
Unorthodox Jews Blog - Saturday, February 18, 2006
http://unorthodoxjews.blogspot.com/2006_02_01_unorthodoxjews_archive.html
My name is Jeffrey Herman and I am an attorney who represents victims of sexual abuse who were abused by Yudi Kolko. I am currently investigating these claims.
If anyone has information about this case, please contact me via email at jherman@hermanlaw.com or via telephone at (305) 931-2200.
(Top)
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A Survivor Speaks Out
By (Name Removed)
Unorthodox Jew - February 1, 2006
http://unorthodoxjews.blogspot.com/2006_02_01_unorthodoxjews_archive.html
"I too was molested by Rabbi Yidi Kolko, both while a student in 7th and 8th grades in Yeshiva Torah V'daas and during those same summers whilst a camper in Camp Agudah.
I used to get rides to school in the mornings with Yidi whether in his old blue car or in his brand new brown car. At that time he lived on 56th Street between 14th & 15th Avenue, whilst I lived on 57th Street, between 15th and 16th Avenues. He was newly married at that time and his first child, a daughter, was also just born then.
Once we got to the Yeshiva on Ocean Parkway, which then was just off of Caton Road, he would park the car (either down the block from the Yeshiva, on the Ocean Parkway service road, or around the corner, I think it was East 5th Street, and ask me to come over and either sit beside him or sit on his lap. Sometimes he would move over to the passenger seat and would then sit me on his lap.
That's when he went fishing. He would insert his hands down the front of my pants and would begin to "search around" to say the least. At the same time he would pull me closer to himself, or would push himself forward againt myself, sometimes even pushing me into the stearing wheel, to the point that it hurt.
Unfortunately I didn't react or complain. The winters were cold and these rides saved on not having to walk all the way to 13th Avenue to wait for the bus (especially on Sunday mornings), you were able to leave your house later since you could always make the ride, and you saved a couple of cents, which was a lot in those days.
During one of those Sunday mornings whilst we were driving on Caton Avenue, whilst I was sitting in the front passenger seat - I almost always sat in the front passenger seat - we were involved in a terrible traffic accident where a car went through a red light and slammed into Yidi's car. B"H we all got out without a scratch.
In Camp Aguda it was the same, whether if he took me into the trees, or into his cabin, or even would take me out for a drive. FYI, during the summer of 1970 I had my bar mitzva in the camp.
I of course told my parents and tried on several times
to explain to them what I was going through, but they didn't want to believe me and my "stories", etc. My father at that time was a very well known and respected person in the Boro Park & Midwood communities and within the Yeshiva world. So I just shut up and let the molestation and perversion continue.
I also think that Yidi Kolko is a danger to the students, past and present in Yeshiva Tora Temimah and I feel that it is about time that the wall of silence be torn down.
Did I suffer as a result, probably. But I have made a life for myself and today am very happily married with 4 wonderful children".
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A Survivors Story
By (Name Removed)
Unorthodox Jew - Thursday, February 16, 2006
"It is time for Yidi Kolko to pay the price for what he did to me and to others".
I Am (Name Removed)
I have spent the past few days reading all of the comments that have been posted to this blog and would like to comment.
It was not easy for me to finally open up and put in writing and post on this blog some of the things that Yidi Kolko did to me so many years ago at Yeshiva Torah Vodaas of Flatbush and at camp Agudah.
Yes, I've been carrying it for all of these years and no matter how hard I tried to forget about it, it always seems to be there. Always there. And with every case of child abuse or molestation that gets publicized, it's always there. Even today, even when I'm happily married with 4 wonderful children.
I recommend that each one of you look at your sons, or brothers and ask: can they possibly be a victim of sexual molestation by a rebbe, a teacher, a camp counselor, etc?
And if he/they were, would he be strong enough to tell you about it?
And then the question I ask is: Would you at all believe him?
For you would ask: how could it be that such an outstanding rebbe, teacher, counselor, etc., who everyone loves and raves about, how could he do something like this?
And your immediate response would automatically be: No, my son, for some reason, isn't telling the truth, he must be lying...
As I said before, I've lived with this for a very long time and it is time for Yidi Kolko to pay the price for what he did to me and to others.
What this price is I'll let others decide.
They say that time has a way of healing - from my own experience, it doesn't ever go away.
In order to survive and remain normal, one must be strong... and always and continuously believe in Hashem.
(Top)
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We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes.
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Last Updated: 02/18/2006
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"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."
--Margaret Mead (Top)
http://www.theawarenesscenter.org/Kolko_Yudi.html
Case of Rabbi Yudi Kolko - Yeshiva Torah Temimah
Flatbush (New York), NY
My name is Jeffrey Herman and I am an attorney who represents victims of sexual abuse who were abused by Yudi Kolko. I am currently investigating these claims.
If anyone has information about this case, please contact me via email at jherman@hermanlaw.com or via telephone at (305) 931-2200.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your Financial Support is Needed! Make a Donation
Email Groups for the Awareness Center This link will bring you to a list of different mailing lists offered by The Awareness Center. We offers several different email groups,which include our general mailing list, press-releases, Jewish survivors of childhood sexual abuse, Parents of children who were molested, Family members of sex offenders, etc.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Disclaimer: Inclusion in this website does not constitute a recommendation or endorsement. Individuals must decide for themselves if the resources meet their own personal needs.
Table of Contents:
Request from attorney Jeffrey Herman (02/18/2006)
A Survivor Speaks Out (02/01/2006)
A Survivors Story (02/16/2006)
Also see:
Rabbis, Cantors and Other Trusted Officials
Offenders: Problems Our Parents Wouldn't Speak Of
Recidivism of Sex Offenders (U.S. Department of Justice: Center for Sex Offender Management)
(Top)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Request from attorney Jeffrey Herman
Unorthodox Jews Blog - Saturday, February 18, 2006
http://unorthodoxjews.blogspot.com/2006_02_01_unorthodoxjews_archive.html
My name is Jeffrey Herman and I am an attorney who represents victims of sexual abuse who were abused by Yudi Kolko. I am currently investigating these claims.
If anyone has information about this case, please contact me via email at jherman@hermanlaw.com or via telephone at (305) 931-2200.
(Top)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Survivor Speaks Out
By (Name Removed)
Unorthodox Jew - February 1, 2006
http://unorthodoxjews.blogspot.com/2006_02_01_unorthodoxjews_archive.html
"I too was molested by Rabbi Yidi Kolko, both while a student in 7th and 8th grades in Yeshiva Torah V'daas and during those same summers whilst a camper in Camp Agudah.
I used to get rides to school in the mornings with Yidi whether in his old blue car or in his brand new brown car. At that time he lived on 56th Street between 14th & 15th Avenue, whilst I lived on 57th Street, between 15th and 16th Avenues. He was newly married at that time and his first child, a daughter, was also just born then.
Once we got to the Yeshiva on Ocean Parkway, which then was just off of Caton Road, he would park the car (either down the block from the Yeshiva, on the Ocean Parkway service road, or around the corner, I think it was East 5th Street, and ask me to come over and either sit beside him or sit on his lap. Sometimes he would move over to the passenger seat and would then sit me on his lap.
That's when he went fishing. He would insert his hands down the front of my pants and would begin to "search around" to say the least. At the same time he would pull me closer to himself, or would push himself forward againt myself, sometimes even pushing me into the stearing wheel, to the point that it hurt.
Unfortunately I didn't react or complain. The winters were cold and these rides saved on not having to walk all the way to 13th Avenue to wait for the bus (especially on Sunday mornings), you were able to leave your house later since you could always make the ride, and you saved a couple of cents, which was a lot in those days.
During one of those Sunday mornings whilst we were driving on Caton Avenue, whilst I was sitting in the front passenger seat - I almost always sat in the front passenger seat - we were involved in a terrible traffic accident where a car went through a red light and slammed into Yidi's car. B"H we all got out without a scratch.
In Camp Aguda it was the same, whether if he took me into the trees, or into his cabin, or even would take me out for a drive. FYI, during the summer of 1970 I had my bar mitzva in the camp.
I of course told my parents and tried on several times
to explain to them what I was going through, but they didn't want to believe me and my "stories", etc. My father at that time was a very well known and respected person in the Boro Park & Midwood communities and within the Yeshiva world. So I just shut up and let the molestation and perversion continue.
I also think that Yidi Kolko is a danger to the students, past and present in Yeshiva Tora Temimah and I feel that it is about time that the wall of silence be torn down.
Did I suffer as a result, probably. But I have made a life for myself and today am very happily married with 4 wonderful children".
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A Survivors Story
By (Name Removed)
Unorthodox Jew - Thursday, February 16, 2006
"It is time for Yidi Kolko to pay the price for what he did to me and to others".
I Am (Name Removed)
I have spent the past few days reading all of the comments that have been posted to this blog and would like to comment.
It was not easy for me to finally open up and put in writing and post on this blog some of the things that Yidi Kolko did to me so many years ago at Yeshiva Torah Vodaas of Flatbush and at camp Agudah.
Yes, I've been carrying it for all of these years and no matter how hard I tried to forget about it, it always seems to be there. Always there. And with every case of child abuse or molestation that gets publicized, it's always there. Even today, even when I'm happily married with 4 wonderful children.
I recommend that each one of you look at your sons, or brothers and ask: can they possibly be a victim of sexual molestation by a rebbe, a teacher, a camp counselor, etc?
And if he/they were, would he be strong enough to tell you about it?
And then the question I ask is: Would you at all believe him?
For you would ask: how could it be that such an outstanding rebbe, teacher, counselor, etc., who everyone loves and raves about, how could he do something like this?
And your immediate response would automatically be: No, my son, for some reason, isn't telling the truth, he must be lying...
As I said before, I've lived with this for a very long time and it is time for Yidi Kolko to pay the price for what he did to me and to others.
What this price is I'll let others decide.
They say that time has a way of healing - from my own experience, it doesn't ever go away.
In order to survive and remain normal, one must be strong... and always and continuously believe in Hashem.
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Last Updated: 02/18/2006
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"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."
--Margaret Mead (Top)
Monday, February 27, 2006
Two Victims Of Kolko/Margulies/Yeshiva Torah Temimah Respond To The Jewish Press And The Mindless Garble FROM the Jewish Press
Victim Number One
The real problem with the Jewish Press editorial is its blatant hypocrisy. For two years now the Jewish Press has been running a massive campaign on behalf of Rabbi Mordechai Tendler to undo his expulsion from the RCA. That campaign included news articles as well as editorials. The thrust of the campaign is that Rabbi Tendler did not receive due process from the RCA. The Jewish Press particularly gave a lot of publicity to a Psak from a Jerusalem Beth Din which demanded that the expulsion issue be brought before a Beth Din. The Jewish Press through its publicity campaign, brought tremendous pressure to bear on the RCA to comply with that Psak as the RCA seemed more inclined to ignore it. That pressure included veiled threats of Siruv and the suggestion that failure to comply would call into question the validity of the RCA’s own Beth Din, The Beth Din of America. Primarily as a result of those efforts it now appears that indeed the RCA is participating in a Beth Din process.
It must be pointed out, that each and every one of the editorials in favor of Rabbi Tendler and pressuring the RCA was anonymous. Never once did any member of the editorial board dare identify him or herself. Obviously, this was done to avail themselves of the protective shield that anonymity provides. Especially, when going up against a powerful and influential organization such as the RCA.
Moreover, Jewish newspapers traditionally reported the news. Nowhere, in the laws pertaining to Beth Din is there any role defined for a Jewish newspaper to come in unasked and act as an enforcement arm of Beth Din, and pressure people to abide by Jewish Law or to force recalcitrant litigants to come to Beth Din. This is an unprecedented role that the Jewish Press has created for itself in the Tendler matter where it has inserted itself into a judicial process that, in the first instance, was way beyond its calling and jurisdiction.
To put it more succinctly, the Jewish Press’ role in the Tendler matter was nothing more than one big anonymous pashkivil to correct an injustice - giving Rabbi Tendler due process - that it believed was worthy of its time and attention.
In truth, notwithstanding the unprecedented nature of the actions by the Jewish Press, we don’t disagree with the Jewish Press’ methods of using their anonymous pashkivil to get justice where nothing else will work.
The instant anonymous pashkivil seeks similar relief. Due process for the victims of a known child molester who has to date avoided justice. The use of different media, mass mailing and a website, are hardly the point. The principle, the use of an anonymous pashkivil as a last resort to bring about justice when members of our community evade our Beth Din system, is an effective one as ably demonstrated by the Jewish Press.
What really seems to be bothering the Jewish Press is that with the emergence of alternative media they are losing their ability to control the procedure and agenda of the anonymous pashkivil. In and of itself that is understandable. What is more disturbing, however, is the Jewish Press’ apparent willingness to turn a blind eye to an explosive issue that has rocked the Frum community to its core only because it didn’t come off their desks.
Victim Number Two
To the Editor from a victim of Yeshiva Torah Temimah aka Lipa Margulies/Yudi Kolko
How can anyone disagree with the eloquent and logical position taken by the Editorial Board of The Jewish Press as it weighs in on the evils of anonymous slander sheets?
Unless, the true “cancer” is not the “Pashkevil” but rather the issue addressed in said mailing. Namely, the over three decades of see no evil practiced by our Rabonim when faced with countless complaints of children being molested by this one Rebbi.
Did the Editorial Board bother to investigate this matter before attacking the accuser?
Apparently not.
Anyone willing to do so much as an iota of research will learn of numerous charges having been levied against this Rebbi. Only a little more work will net victims speaking of their experiences with this man. You take the liberty of vaguely referring to the “lurid accusations of improper conduct” contained in the letter as being unsubstantiated and proclaim it to be “incumbent upon each of us to resolve to give no credence to unproven charges.” Are you including the many victims of this man in your pronouncement? Do you suggest that they too urge the charges be “discredited on a community-wide basis”?
To date no one was willing to stand up to this man’s boss until an anonymous blogger took up the cause. Where were our organizations all these years? Why did it take the fear of exposure to the secular media to propel them into action and break over thirty years silence and inactivity? Why were the Jewish souls living daily with the pain of their mistreatment at the hands of this man not enough to compel action?
I respectfully submit the “cancer growing in our midst” is the child molesting and the protecting of the perpetrator. The “Pashkevil” was the equivalent of Chemotherapy, painful and damaging but curative.
In closing, I speak with conviction because I am a victim of this man. I have contacted Elliot Pasik, Esq. (efpasik@aol.com) and have volunteered to testify under oath in any legitimate fact finding body convened for the purpose of keeping this molester away from children. I urge everyone else molested by this man to do the same.
Name Withheld
Brooklyn, New York
Jewish Press Letters wrote:
The issue here is not the guilt or innocence of an individual, but the practice of leveling accusations in a public and anonymous manner. Certainly you don't mean to imply that The Jewish Press, which has actually lost some readers because of our coverage of domestic and other types of abuse, is guilty of covering up or ignoring the problem? Maybe you're thinking of Yated and Hamodia.
From: REDACTED
To: letters@jewishpress.com
Sent: Monday, February 27, 2006
Subject: Re: Child Molester
I was not accusing the Jewish Press of anything. I am writing a letter to the Editor in response to an Editorial you chose to write. Your Editorial ignores the issue addressed in the "Pashkevil" yet addresses the medium.
I assume from your defensive response that you will not be publishing my letter. I find that to be unfortunate. This issue is newsworthy and affects the community far more than the issue of "Pashkevils" you chose to address.
No I'm not thinking of Yated or Hamodia. I wrote to you, not them. Will you do anything about this horrific issue?
Jewish Press Letters wrote:
We don't run anonymous letters. I'm not saying we'd run it even if your name were on it, but without a verifiable name it definitely won't be considered. Nothing personal.
Thanks for your input.
From: REDACTED
To: Jewish Press Letters
Sent: Monday, February 27, 2006
Subject: Re: Child Molester
Question: Was not your "Editorial" anonymous? If so, please be so good as to explain the difference between your Editorial and the "Pashkevi" you criticize so vociferously.
Also, please explain the value system you ascribe to, which calls forth self-righteous indignation over an anonymous letter yet allows you to remain silent over a chronic child molester teaching in one of our yeshivas.
Thank you for your earlier responses, I look forward to hearing from you.
Jewish Press Letters wrote:
Aren't all newspaper editorials "anonymous?" Do you know who writes New York Times editorials? You're really too intelligent to resort to that argument. An editorial in The Jewish Press 9or any publication) isn't anonymous for the simple reason that it has the newspaper's imprimatur on and behind it. Agree with a particular editorial or not, you know it's the corporate entity known as The Jewish Press that disseminated it.
From: REDACTED
To: Jewish Press Letters
Sent: Monday, February 27, 2006
Subject: Re: Child Molester
New York Times:
Arthur Ochs Sulzberger Jr., Publisher
Bill Keller, Executive Editor
Jill Abramson, Managing Editor
John M. Geddes, Managing Editor
Jonathan Landman, Deputy Managing Editor
Jewish Press:
Mysterious "Editorial Board"
When the New York Times runs the Kolko story, they will offer attributions as well as quotes from victims that the Orthodox Jewish media refused to report on this issue.
My question to you is; why? You have the unique ability to address this pressing issue and help prevent it from hitting the secular media. Don't you have a moral duty to do so?
Jewish Press Letters wrote:
We have a masthead as well. The Times's masthead doesn't tell you who writes any of the editorials. As a matter of fact, none of the names you listed have anything to do with editorials. Gail Collins is the editorial page editor, and she's got 15 or 16 editorial writers under her. Yuo can find their names on the Times website, but you'll never know which one of them wrote any specific editorial.
From: REDACTED
To: Jewish Press Letters
Sent: Monday, February 27, 2006
Subject: Re: Child Molester
So, pray tell. Is your name on the Masthead?
Your single minded focus in protecting your anonymous vehicle (the Jewish Press) is hardly the issue at hand.
The issue, namely the presence of a chronic child molester in one of our prominent yeshivas and the refusal of the yeshiva's owner to deal with the issue is a local crisis unlike any we have seen in recent years.
This might not be rocking your world, but a good portion of your readership do live in the community affected by this and they are wondering why your focus seems to be on yourself as opposed to on this issue.
JEWISH PRESS: “EDITORIAL BOARD”: SILENT
The real problem with the Jewish Press editorial is its blatant hypocrisy. For two years now the Jewish Press has been running a massive campaign on behalf of Rabbi Mordechai Tendler to undo his expulsion from the RCA. That campaign included news articles as well as editorials. The thrust of the campaign is that Rabbi Tendler did not receive due process from the RCA. The Jewish Press particularly gave a lot of publicity to a Psak from a Jerusalem Beth Din which demanded that the expulsion issue be brought before a Beth Din. The Jewish Press through its publicity campaign, brought tremendous pressure to bear on the RCA to comply with that Psak as the RCA seemed more inclined to ignore it. That pressure included veiled threats of Siruv and the suggestion that failure to comply would call into question the validity of the RCA’s own Beth Din, The Beth Din of America. Primarily as a result of those efforts it now appears that indeed the RCA is participating in a Beth Din process.
It must be pointed out, that each and every one of the editorials in favor of Rabbi Tendler and pressuring the RCA was anonymous. Never once did any member of the editorial board dare identify him or herself. Obviously, this was done to avail themselves of the protective shield that anonymity provides. Especially, when going up against a powerful and influential organization such as the RCA.
Moreover, Jewish newspapers traditionally reported the news. Nowhere, in the laws pertaining to Beth Din is there any role defined for a Jewish newspaper to come in unasked and act as an enforcement arm of Beth Din, and pressure people to abide by Jewish Law or to force recalcitrant litigants to come to Beth Din. This is an unprecedented role that the Jewish Press has created for itself in the Tendler matter where it has inserted itself into a judicial process that, in the first instance, was way beyond its calling and jurisdiction.
To put it more succinctly, the Jewish Press’ role in the Tendler matter was nothing more than one big anonymous pashkivil to correct an injustice - giving Rabbi Tendler due process - that it believed was worthy of its time and attention.
In truth, notwithstanding the unprecedented nature of the actions by the Jewish Press, we don’t disagree with the Jewish Press’ methods of using their anonymous pashkivil to get justice where nothing else will work.
The instant anonymous pashkivil seeks similar relief. Due process for the victims of a known child molester who has to date avoided justice. The use of different media, mass mailing and a website, are hardly the point. The principle, the use of an anonymous pashkivil as a last resort to bring about justice when members of our community evade our Beth Din system, is an effective one as ably demonstrated by the Jewish Press.
What really seems to be bothering the Jewish Press is that with the emergence of alternative media they are losing their ability to control the procedure and agenda of the anonymous pashkivil. In and of itself that is understandable. What is more disturbing, however, is the Jewish Press’ apparent willingness to turn a blind eye to an explosive issue that has rocked the Frum community to its core only because it didn’t come off their desks.
Victim Number Two
To the Editor from a victim of Yeshiva Torah Temimah aka Lipa Margulies/Yudi Kolko
How can anyone disagree with the eloquent and logical position taken by the Editorial Board of The Jewish Press as it weighs in on the evils of anonymous slander sheets?
Unless, the true “cancer” is not the “Pashkevil” but rather the issue addressed in said mailing. Namely, the over three decades of see no evil practiced by our Rabonim when faced with countless complaints of children being molested by this one Rebbi.
Did the Editorial Board bother to investigate this matter before attacking the accuser?
Apparently not.
Anyone willing to do so much as an iota of research will learn of numerous charges having been levied against this Rebbi. Only a little more work will net victims speaking of their experiences with this man. You take the liberty of vaguely referring to the “lurid accusations of improper conduct” contained in the letter as being unsubstantiated and proclaim it to be “incumbent upon each of us to resolve to give no credence to unproven charges.” Are you including the many victims of this man in your pronouncement? Do you suggest that they too urge the charges be “discredited on a community-wide basis”?
To date no one was willing to stand up to this man’s boss until an anonymous blogger took up the cause. Where were our organizations all these years? Why did it take the fear of exposure to the secular media to propel them into action and break over thirty years silence and inactivity? Why were the Jewish souls living daily with the pain of their mistreatment at the hands of this man not enough to compel action?
I respectfully submit the “cancer growing in our midst” is the child molesting and the protecting of the perpetrator. The “Pashkevil” was the equivalent of Chemotherapy, painful and damaging but curative.
In closing, I speak with conviction because I am a victim of this man. I have contacted Elliot Pasik, Esq. (efpasik@aol.com) and have volunteered to testify under oath in any legitimate fact finding body convened for the purpose of keeping this molester away from children. I urge everyone else molested by this man to do the same.
Name Withheld
Brooklyn, New York
Jewish Press Letters
The issue here is not the guilt or innocence of an individual, but the practice of leveling accusations in a public and anonymous manner. Certainly you don't mean to imply that The Jewish Press, which has actually lost some readers because of our coverage of domestic and other types of abuse, is guilty of covering up or ignoring the problem? Maybe you're thinking of Yated and Hamodia.
From: REDACTED
To: letters@jewishpress.com
Sent: Monday, February 27, 2006
Subject: Re: Child Molester
I was not accusing the Jewish Press of anything. I am writing a letter to the Editor in response to an Editorial you chose to write. Your Editorial ignores the issue addressed in the "Pashkevil" yet addresses the medium.
I assume from your defensive response that you will not be publishing my letter. I find that to be unfortunate. This issue is newsworthy and affects the community far more than the issue of "Pashkevils" you chose to address.
No I'm not thinking of Yated or Hamodia. I wrote to you, not them. Will you do anything about this horrific issue?
Jewish Press Letters
We don't run anonymous letters. I'm not saying we'd run it even if your name were on it, but without a verifiable name it definitely won't be considered. Nothing personal.
Thanks for your input.
From: REDACTED
To: Jewish Press Letters
Sent: Monday, February 27, 2006
Subject: Re: Child Molester
Question: Was not your "Editorial" anonymous? If so, please be so good as to explain the difference between your Editorial and the "Pashkevi" you criticize so vociferously.
Also, please explain the value system you ascribe to, which calls forth self-righteous indignation over an anonymous letter yet allows you to remain silent over a chronic child molester teaching in one of our yeshivas.
Thank you for your earlier responses, I look forward to hearing from you.
Jewish Press Letters
Aren't all newspaper editorials "anonymous?" Do you know who writes New York Times editorials? You're really too intelligent to resort to that argument. An editorial in The Jewish Press 9or any publication) isn't anonymous for the simple reason that it has the newspaper's imprimatur on and behind it. Agree with a particular editorial or not, you know it's the corporate entity known as The Jewish Press that disseminated it.
From: REDACTED
To: Jewish Press Letters
Sent: Monday, February 27, 2006
Subject: Re: Child Molester
New York Times:
Arthur Ochs Sulzberger Jr., Publisher
Bill Keller, Executive Editor
Jill Abramson, Managing Editor
John M. Geddes, Managing Editor
Jonathan Landman, Deputy Managing Editor
Jewish Press:
Mysterious "Editorial Board"
When the New York Times runs the Kolko story, they will offer attributions as well as quotes from victims that the Orthodox Jewish media refused to report on this issue.
My question to you is; why? You have the unique ability to address this pressing issue and help prevent it from hitting the secular media. Don't you have a moral duty to do so?
Jewish Press Letters
We have a masthead as well. The Times's masthead doesn't tell you who writes any of the editorials. As a matter of fact, none of the names you listed have anything to do with editorials. Gail Collins is the editorial page editor, and she's got 15 or 16 editorial writers under her. Yuo can find their names on the Times website, but you'll never know which one of them wrote any specific editorial.
From: REDACTED
To: Jewish Press Letters
Sent: Monday, February 27, 2006
Subject: Re: Child Molester
So, pray tell. Is your name on the Masthead?
Your single minded focus in protecting your anonymous vehicle (the Jewish Press) is hardly the issue at hand.
The issue, namely the presence of a chronic child molester in one of our prominent yeshivas and the refusal of the yeshiva's owner to deal with the issue is a local crisis unlike any we have seen in recent years.
This might not be rocking your world, but a good portion of your readership do live in the community affected by this and they are wondering why your focus seems to be on yourself as opposed to on this issue.
JEWISH PRESS: “EDITORIAL BOARD”: SILENT
Saturday, February 25, 2006
UOJ ASKS THE CONCERNED JEWISH COMMUNITY TO COMMENT ON THE EDITORIAL IN THE JEWISH PRESS
To our readers, friends and others...I invite you to respond to the Jewish Press editorial. Well written comments will be posted in my headliner and included in my response to the J.P.in a few days.
Please use logic, common sense and well reasoned arguments, the world media will be reading your responses. You are welcome to use your names; in matter of fact I would encourage rabbis, lay leaders, medical professionals, attorneys and all people of good will to comment.
Disclaimer: Just because someone chooses to comment on this blog, that does not mean that you agree with or endorse any or all of my writings and opinions.
I do believe that all fair minded people will agree that there is no place in our yeshiva system for sexual predators and their protectors...and that a sex abuse registry system for our schools, an independendent panel of professionals to investigate claims of abuse, and a zero tolerance policy for these crimes are long overdue.
I do apologize to the thousands of people that have e-mailed me and posted comments that as of yet I was not able to read, publish and respond to.
I do find it very curious that Yeshiva Torah Temimah, Lipa Margulies and Yudi Kolko have not found the time to come out with a simple written statement denying the allegations against them.
To all that this does concern:
Although as a concerned parent I have monitored this blog for a while, I have held back from posting until now.
Truth, you are a liar and misleader, and if all this innuando about Kolko turns out accurate, your are as evil in my mind as the molestors themselfs.
As a significant contributor to TT, (Appelgrad had me on speed dial-Margo has come to my house in the past year-I have 2 boys there) I had a phone conference with Rabbi Margolis a few days after the letter.
He actually asked me "what would you do". I said to him "In ten years you never aked my advice, why now?" He said he's never been in such a tough position.
He did admit hearing rumors years ago. He also admitted to a few people coming foward in the past, but nothing "serious" in the past 10 years. He also layed on the Rabbi Kolko sob story. Don't get me wrong Rabbi Kolko was mine and my sons' favorite Rebbi. But my childs safety supercedes any sob story or personal tastes.
At no point did he completely deny that Rabbi Kolko was or is, a child Molestor. He even stated that the yeshiva is set up, so that no Rebbi should ever be allowed to be alone with a boy. Implying in my mind that there was concerns with Kolko and maybe at some point other Rebbeyim.
All in all, the conversation left me with a sick taste in my mouth. One of my sons is graduating, but the other I am removing from the Yeshiva at the end of the year. Three other parents in my sons class are removing their kids as well. Must of us were unhappy before this debacle anyway.
Oh, icing on the cake unfortunately, I found out last week, a distant cousin of mine punched Rabbi Kolko in the mouth a few summers ago. As I hear now, he has for years accused Kolko of molesting him. I believe his name is public now.
Anyway, sorry about my spelling and grammer, I am also a TT graduate. I think this problem is prevelent in every yeshiva, but a man with so much accusations around him (especially abuse)should be removed. With the safety of our children the saying applies in my mind. "Where there is smoke, there is fire".
Again I wanted to reiterate that the "Truth" is lying. Rabbi Margolis hedged himseld and did not give me or other parents an assuring denial of the accusations.
This whole incident is a Chillul Hashem and hope this matter concludes shortly.
--
Posted by Anonymous to Un-Orthodox Jew at 2/26/2006 09:30:10 PM
Please use logic, common sense and well reasoned arguments, the world media will be reading your responses. You are welcome to use your names; in matter of fact I would encourage rabbis, lay leaders, medical professionals, attorneys and all people of good will to comment.
Disclaimer: Just because someone chooses to comment on this blog, that does not mean that you agree with or endorse any or all of my writings and opinions.
I do believe that all fair minded people will agree that there is no place in our yeshiva system for sexual predators and their protectors...and that a sex abuse registry system for our schools, an independendent panel of professionals to investigate claims of abuse, and a zero tolerance policy for these crimes are long overdue.
I do apologize to the thousands of people that have e-mailed me and posted comments that as of yet I was not able to read, publish and respond to.
I do find it very curious that Yeshiva Torah Temimah, Lipa Margulies and Yudi Kolko have not found the time to come out with a simple written statement denying the allegations against them.
To all that this does concern:
Although as a concerned parent I have monitored this blog for a while, I have held back from posting until now.
Truth, you are a liar and misleader, and if all this innuando about Kolko turns out accurate, your are as evil in my mind as the molestors themselfs.
As a significant contributor to TT, (Appelgrad had me on speed dial-Margo has come to my house in the past year-I have 2 boys there) I had a phone conference with Rabbi Margolis a few days after the letter.
He actually asked me "what would you do". I said to him "In ten years you never aked my advice, why now?" He said he's never been in such a tough position.
He did admit hearing rumors years ago. He also admitted to a few people coming foward in the past, but nothing "serious" in the past 10 years. He also layed on the Rabbi Kolko sob story. Don't get me wrong Rabbi Kolko was mine and my sons' favorite Rebbi. But my childs safety supercedes any sob story or personal tastes.
At no point did he completely deny that Rabbi Kolko was or is, a child Molestor. He even stated that the yeshiva is set up, so that no Rebbi should ever be allowed to be alone with a boy. Implying in my mind that there was concerns with Kolko and maybe at some point other Rebbeyim.
All in all, the conversation left me with a sick taste in my mouth. One of my sons is graduating, but the other I am removing from the Yeshiva at the end of the year. Three other parents in my sons class are removing their kids as well. Must of us were unhappy before this debacle anyway.
Oh, icing on the cake unfortunately, I found out last week, a distant cousin of mine punched Rabbi Kolko in the mouth a few summers ago. As I hear now, he has for years accused Kolko of molesting him. I believe his name is public now.
Anyway, sorry about my spelling and grammer, I am also a TT graduate. I think this problem is prevelent in every yeshiva, but a man with so much accusations around him (especially abuse)should be removed. With the safety of our children the saying applies in my mind. "Where there is smoke, there is fire".
Again I wanted to reiterate that the "Truth" is lying. Rabbi Margolis hedged himseld and did not give me or other parents an assuring denial of the accusations.
This whole incident is a Chillul Hashem and hope this matter concludes shortly.
--
Posted by Anonymous to Un-Orthodox Jew at 2/26/2006 09:30:10 PM
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Preventing Sexual Abuse - A Public Service Message
Air-Time
Most of the material on this blog is useless. I know it. You know it. I write it, you read it, and we both move on. But today I am going to write about sexual abuse.
I have come across a number of blogs over the past few days that are dealing with sexual abuse. The Unorthodox Jews are in the middle of trying to get a yeshiva to fire a rebbi who has been abusing boys for the past thrity years. And Dave had a great post about how the orthodox community has been looking the other way when it comes to sexual predators. Angry Soul has an entire blog talking about his experience being sexually abused over a seven year period. According to Angry Soul, his abuser, a counselor in camp, admitted to abusing over 100 kids during his teenage years.
There are other blogs I have seen talking about sexual abuse, but I haven't seen anyone talking about how to protect your kids from being abused.
As many of you know, I am not a therapist. I have never been sexually abused, and while I do know peple who have been abused, I have never had a discussion about that aspect of their lives with them.
Still, I am a parent, with three kids to protect, and many of you are parents as well, with kids who need to be protected.
Statistically, in the US, something like 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 7 boys are sexually abused in some manner at some point in their lives, which means it a pretty prevelent problem, and not one that as a parent you can afford to ignore.
I have a client, the Self Esteem Shop, which specializes in mental health books. They have an extensive section on sexual abuse, both in terms of prevention and recovery, for children of all ages, and for adults as well. I write their catalogs, and as their copywriter, I have flipped through many of these books, and read quite a few of the kids books from cover to cover.
This comes from the Child Advocacy Center.
Protecting your child from sexual abuse:
Let your child know that he or she can tell you anything and you will always be supportive.
Teach your child that no one, not even a teacher or a close relative, has the right to touch him or her in a way that feels uncomfortable. Teach your child that it is OK to say, "No, get away," and to tell a trusted adult about the incident.
Don't force kids to kiss, hug or sit on a grown-up's lap if they don't want to. This gives them control and teaches them that they have the right to refuse.
Always know where your child is and whom he or she is with.
Tell your child to stay away from strangers who hang around playgrounds, public restrooms and schools.
Be alert for changes in your child's behavior that could signal sexual abuse, such as sudden secretiveness, withdrawal from activities, refusal to go to school, unexplained hostility toward a favorite baby-sitter or relative, or increased anxiety. Some physical signs of abuse include bedwetting, loss of appetite, venereal disease, nightmares and complaints of pain or irritation around the genitals or anus.
If your child has been sexually abused, report it to the police or a child protection agency immediately.
If your child is a victim of sexual abuse, don't blame him or her. Listen and provide safety.
You can talk to your children about sexual abuse without ever using the term "Sexual Abuse." Use phrases like safe touches, and make sure to tell kids that they can always come to you to talk.
As I mentioned above, I write catalogs for the Self Esteem Shop, and here are a few titles I have read through. The prices are the current prices at the Self Esteem Shop's web site, selfesteemshop.com
Preschool Age
Always Be Careful - This safety manual teaches preschool age children (ages 3-5) the ABC's of good and bad touches and personal safety. $3
Andy/Annie - These books, were written for young children. Andy/Annie is confused when a person she knows touches her private parts. Issues include feeling alone, disclosure, and changes in character. Andy is for boys, Annie is for girls. $2.50
It's My Body - A book to teach young children how to resist uncomfortable touch. $5.95
Grade School
My Body is Private - This book teaches kids that their body is their own personal space, and no one should touch them without their permission. $5.95
Sam Speaks Out - When Sam is inappropriately touched by a neighbor, it makes him feel sad and act out. He tells a friend, and she helps him find someone who can help him with his problem. Soon, Sam is back to his old self. 4.95
A Very Touching Book - Using humor, children learn about their body parts as well as privacy, their private parts, and the difference between good and bad touches, including what to do in case of a bad touch. 12.95
Red Flag Green Flag People - This personal safety manual teaches early elementary age children the difference between good and bad touches, and teaches what to do in the event of a bad touch. Facilitators guide available. Appropriate for children ages 4-10. For some reason this book is not on their web site. It is the follow up
book to Always Be Careful, which I mentioned in the preschool section.
For Parents -
Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse - Janie Hart-Rossi shows parents how to protect their children from sexual abuse. She begins with the facts on sexual abuse, an eye opening experience for many parents. She then offers some key phrases for children, so they can resist uncomfortable touches, and gives specific activities so you can reduce the likelihood of your child ever getting molested. Companion to It's My Body. 7.95
posted by Air Time
Most of the material on this blog is useless. I know it. You know it. I write it, you read it, and we both move on. But today I am going to write about sexual abuse.
I have come across a number of blogs over the past few days that are dealing with sexual abuse. The Unorthodox Jews are in the middle of trying to get a yeshiva to fire a rebbi who has been abusing boys for the past thrity years. And Dave had a great post about how the orthodox community has been looking the other way when it comes to sexual predators. Angry Soul has an entire blog talking about his experience being sexually abused over a seven year period. According to Angry Soul, his abuser, a counselor in camp, admitted to abusing over 100 kids during his teenage years.
There are other blogs I have seen talking about sexual abuse, but I haven't seen anyone talking about how to protect your kids from being abused.
As many of you know, I am not a therapist. I have never been sexually abused, and while I do know peple who have been abused, I have never had a discussion about that aspect of their lives with them.
Still, I am a parent, with three kids to protect, and many of you are parents as well, with kids who need to be protected.
Statistically, in the US, something like 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 7 boys are sexually abused in some manner at some point in their lives, which means it a pretty prevelent problem, and not one that as a parent you can afford to ignore.
I have a client, the Self Esteem Shop, which specializes in mental health books. They have an extensive section on sexual abuse, both in terms of prevention and recovery, for children of all ages, and for adults as well. I write their catalogs, and as their copywriter, I have flipped through many of these books, and read quite a few of the kids books from cover to cover.
This comes from the Child Advocacy Center.
Protecting your child from sexual abuse:
Let your child know that he or she can tell you anything and you will always be supportive.
Teach your child that no one, not even a teacher or a close relative, has the right to touch him or her in a way that feels uncomfortable. Teach your child that it is OK to say, "No, get away," and to tell a trusted adult about the incident.
Don't force kids to kiss, hug or sit on a grown-up's lap if they don't want to. This gives them control and teaches them that they have the right to refuse.
Always know where your child is and whom he or she is with.
Tell your child to stay away from strangers who hang around playgrounds, public restrooms and schools.
Be alert for changes in your child's behavior that could signal sexual abuse, such as sudden secretiveness, withdrawal from activities, refusal to go to school, unexplained hostility toward a favorite baby-sitter or relative, or increased anxiety. Some physical signs of abuse include bedwetting, loss of appetite, venereal disease, nightmares and complaints of pain or irritation around the genitals or anus.
If your child has been sexually abused, report it to the police or a child protection agency immediately.
If your child is a victim of sexual abuse, don't blame him or her. Listen and provide safety.
You can talk to your children about sexual abuse without ever using the term "Sexual Abuse." Use phrases like safe touches, and make sure to tell kids that they can always come to you to talk.
As I mentioned above, I write catalogs for the Self Esteem Shop, and here are a few titles I have read through. The prices are the current prices at the Self Esteem Shop's web site, selfesteemshop.com
Preschool Age
Always Be Careful - This safety manual teaches preschool age children (ages 3-5) the ABC's of good and bad touches and personal safety. $3
Andy/Annie - These books, were written for young children. Andy/Annie is confused when a person she knows touches her private parts. Issues include feeling alone, disclosure, and changes in character. Andy is for boys, Annie is for girls. $2.50
It's My Body - A book to teach young children how to resist uncomfortable touch. $5.95
Grade School
My Body is Private - This book teaches kids that their body is their own personal space, and no one should touch them without their permission. $5.95
Sam Speaks Out - When Sam is inappropriately touched by a neighbor, it makes him feel sad and act out. He tells a friend, and she helps him find someone who can help him with his problem. Soon, Sam is back to his old self. 4.95
A Very Touching Book - Using humor, children learn about their body parts as well as privacy, their private parts, and the difference between good and bad touches, including what to do in case of a bad touch. 12.95
Red Flag Green Flag People - This personal safety manual teaches early elementary age children the difference between good and bad touches, and teaches what to do in the event of a bad touch. Facilitators guide available. Appropriate for children ages 4-10. For some reason this book is not on their web site. It is the follow up
book to Always Be Careful, which I mentioned in the preschool section.
For Parents -
Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse - Janie Hart-Rossi shows parents how to protect their children from sexual abuse. She begins with the facts on sexual abuse, an eye opening experience for many parents. She then offers some key phrases for children, so they can resist uncomfortable touches, and gives specific activities so you can reduce the likelihood of your child ever getting molested. Companion to It's My Body. 7.95
posted by Air Time
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Hey Lipa & Yudi-The Match Only Satan Could Have Made
Hey Lipa,
Stop sending your gofers my way looking to screw over the victims once again.
Hey Lippy boy, I got news for you; scores of victims of all ages have come forward with their parents. So you must be thinking...aha God is on my side, after all I call myself rosh yeshiva, and the assholes in my school wait until I mumble shema, while really what I'm doing is counting ALL the victims of sexual abuse that may be coming forward to destroy me.
So Lip, if your lawyers are telling you there's nothing to worry about, I got news for them; there are recent victims who have come forward...get it Lip, no statute of limitations to protect you against recent victims.
I just thought I'd let you know that my train has left the station...and this is one conducter you can't screw over.
Sleep Well!
Stop sending your gofers my way looking to screw over the victims once again.
Hey Lippy boy, I got news for you; scores of victims of all ages have come forward with their parents. So you must be thinking...aha God is on my side, after all I call myself rosh yeshiva, and the assholes in my school wait until I mumble shema, while really what I'm doing is counting ALL the victims of sexual abuse that may be coming forward to destroy me.
So Lip, if your lawyers are telling you there's nothing to worry about, I got news for them; there are recent victims who have come forward...get it Lip, no statute of limitations to protect you against recent victims.
I just thought I'd let you know that my train has left the station...and this is one conducter you can't screw over.
Sleep Well!
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