What Israel’s spate of high-profile sex scandals says about its culture
Therapist Beth Offer, who counsels rape victims, discusses the flurry of recent accusations by women
Yaniv Nahman was a well-known
figure in Tel Aviv’s nightlife scene. Multiple women described meeting
the handsome investment manager at a club, then waking up in his bed the
next morning without any recollection of how they got there. Police
suspected he was using the date rape drug GHB but couldn’t prove it
because by the time women filed a police complaint, it was no longer
detectable in their bloodstream. Nahman agreed to a plea bargain in
which he admitted to one instance of rape, and on December 27 he was
sentenced to 6 months of community service.
The judge cited several reasons for the light sentence: first, he did not use a lot of force and second, the shaming he experienced on social media during the trial had done irreparable damage to his reputation.
The judge cited several reasons for the light sentence: first, he did not use a lot of force and second, the shaming he experienced on social media during the trial had done irreparable damage to his reputation.
The decision had women’s groups in Israel up in arms, including the Counseling Center for Women.
“In this case, in which there was no physical
evidence and only the word of the complainants against the word of the
defendant,” says Beth Zaslow Offer, a counselor at the CCW, “judges
chose to side with the defendant rather than the complainants, because
they did not place equal value on the emotional toll of both having been
raped, and having to come forward.”
According to Offer, people underestimate the
courage it takes for women to come forward, as society still often
shames and blames the victim. That’s why she sees the recent spate of
rape and sexual harassment scandals in Israel as a healthy thing.
In November, Jewish Home Knesset member Yinon Magal resigned after several women accused him of sexual harassment. In December, interior minister Silvan Shalom stepped down from public life after 11 women came forward with accusations of assault. And last week, Ashkelon mayor Itamar Shimoni was arrested on rape and corruption allegations.
There have also been a string of sexual
harassment scandals in the upper echelons of the Israel Police as well
as a social media storm surrounding alleged misbehavior by former celebrity rabbi Marc Gafni.
Offer says that rape and harassment are
nothing new. In fact, they’re grossly under-reported. What’s new is
people’s willingness to talk about it.
“I think social media is helping. More and more people are saying this is not okay, what you women went through.”
According to Offer, Israel has come a long
way. When she began working as a social worker in 1989, there was no law
against wife-beating.
“I would visit a home and see a woman crying
hysterically, with two huge black eyes. Two policeman were standing
there and they said, ‘Don’t get too upset about this, honey. This
happens all the time. She won’t put in a complaint so there’s nothing we
can do.”
But in 1992, Israel passed a law where even if
the abused partner doesn’t file a complaint, the alleged attacker will
at least get questioned. In 1998, Israel passed its first sexual
harassment law. Offer sees the current spate of scandals as part of
Israel’s maturation process on these issues.
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| Woman holds sign saying, “I was raped” at Jerusalem Tendler SlutWalk, May 29, 2015. |
She also credits the rise of women’s
organizations, such as the Counseling Center for Women where she works,
for raising awareness.
The center was founded in 1988 by new
immigrants from the United States and England who were inspired by the
feminist movement and wanted to bring those messages to Israel. It has
24 therapists in Jerusalem and Ramat Gan who handle issues related to
sexual assault and trauma.
According to the Women’s Security Index, a
survey by several feminist NGOs in Israel, 61 percent of Jewish women in
Israel fear that someone will force them into sexual contact against
their will, 38.4% fear that a family member will humiliate, attack or
abuse them, and 65.9% fear being attacked on a dark street. Among
Israeli Arab women, 66.7% fear being forced into sexual contact, 67.5%
fear abuse from a family member, and 74.3% fear an attack on a dark
street.
The survey also asked Jewish women how many
had experienced sexual harassment (34.3%), but among Russian-speaking
women it was 50%; 26.4% of Jewish women said they experienced rape by a
known or unknown person, while 45.5% of Russian-speakers said this.
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| People
demonstrate in front of the Alenby 40 club in Tel Aviv demanding that
it close after a video was released showing a group of men having sex
with a young girl, which stirred a controversy around whether the
incident was rape or not, October 6, 2015.
Beth Offer says she also sees a lot of abuse
in the ultra-Orthodox community. A typical scenario involves a young
girl or woman visiting a friend, when her friend’s father does anything
from harass to rape her. Sometimes, the community will tell her to shut
up and not talk about it. On other occasions, even if she tells her
family and they believe her, the rest of the community does not.
“This girl needs therapy. Often she comes to us because we are outside her community.”
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What sexual abuse does to the psyche:
The physical act of rape ruins a woman’s life, Offer says. “She feels like her life has been taken away from her. One thing we have to do with therapy is give a woman back her life.”
Teenagers who have been abused often lose
their self-confidence, become either abstinent or completely permissive,
use drugs and develop eating disorders.
Sexual harassment, says Offer, lies on a continuum, with catcalls and whistling at one end and assault and rape at the other.
She is happy that we’re in a cultural moment
when men are being called out and shamed for harassment, as this will
make them think twice about their behavior.
Does this mean that if a man and woman are on a
date, the man should ask the woman every time he makes a move? She says
it’s possible for the man and woman to transmit nonverbal cues to each
other, but when in doubt, they should “use their words.”
“Keep your hands to yourself until you know it’s okay. In a way, shomrei negia
[those who generally abstain from physical contact with a person they
are not married to] are better about this, because they need to talk
about it at each stage.”
Offer is all too aware of the Hollywood idea
of the man being a little daring and taking control, which is fine, she
says, as long as “he looked in her eyes and saw it was okay. If she
moves back he won’t go in for the kiss. If he sees her leaning towards
him then he will.”
In general, Offer says, it’s not a bad thing
that in light of all the scandals, men today are more nervous about how
they speak and act around women.
“We need smarter men. Mothers need to educate
their sons. I have three adult boys and none would dare make a move on a
woman without asking her first. Their father was the same and we’ve
been married for over 30 years.”