Abuse, Abandonment, and Autonomy

Be'halot'cha (Numbers 8-12)     

Beha’alosecha 5786: Abuse, Abandonment, and Autonomy

Series: Shabbat Shalom Weekly

 

When children curse their parents for forcing independence, the proper response is silence – not retaliation. This counterintuitive approach, and acceptance of abuse from one’s two-year-old, proves to the child that the parent’s actions are truly for the child’s benefit, not the parent’s ego. Taking abuse without responding demonstrates genuine love because there’s no personal benefit to the parent in accepting such treatment. 

As a senior staff member of a college and rabbinical school, students often come to me for advice on choosing a life path and career. In the last six months, I had two students who decided to end their status as full-time students and – based on their personalities (and for completely different reasons) – I recommended that each of them consider a career in plumbing.

Both took my advice and found themselves plumbing apprenticeships. One lasted exactly half a day; his team was called out to a Taco Bell to clear out a sewage blockage (one can only imagine what that must have been like). After a couple of hours this former student was 100% convinced that plumbing was not for him.

By contrast, the second student found his apprenticeship both fulfilling and rewarding. I asked him if he minded some of the more unpleasant aspects and he said to me, “Rabbi, I am low man on the totem pole and there are some days that I come home in clothes that stink to high heaven, but I just LOVE my job. I work extremely hard and come home exhausted and often smelly, but I would not have it any other way.”

Upon reflecting on their sharply differing attitudes, I realized that the main difference between them was that the first student was just looking for a way to earn money and make a life for himself. He quickly concluded that plumbing was not for him and that there must be a better way to earn money. The second student, however, immediately saw himself as a plumber and thus he quickly found the job itself fulfilling – despite its less pleasant moments. In fact, even coming home smelly just concretized in his mind that he was a plumber.

This week’s Torah portion has a relevant message about self-definition. In fact, it has a rather astonishing statement from Moses regarding the issues of leadership and how he characterizes motherhood.

After yet another litany of complaints from the Israelites about the lack of food variety and their continual pining for the “good ol’ days” of living in Egypt, Moses gets pretty fed up with them and his responsibilities as their leader and he says to God:

Why are you treating your servant so badly? Don’t you like me anymore? Why do you place such a burden on me? Am I their mother who was pregnant with them and carried them in my belly? Did I give birth to them? Why have You told me that I must carry them in my bosom and act as a nursemaid would treat an infant until they get to the land You swore to give to their ancestors? Now they are whining to me to give them meat. Where can I get enough meat to give all these people?
I cannot be responsible for this entire nation! It is too hard for me! If You are going to do this to me, just do me a favor and kill me! Don’t let me stay in this terrible predicament! (Numbers 11:10-15)

The great medieval Biblical commentator known as Rashi explains (ibid 11:12) that when the Almighty told Moses and Aaron to lead the Jewish people and carry them in their “bosom” that He meant they must lead even if/when the Israelites hurl curses, insults, or even stones at them.

This reveals a fundamental truth about parenting: it inherently involves some abuse by one’s children. What is going on here? What kind of definition is this about the responsibilities of parenthood? We must examine the source for the potential antipathy a child might have toward his parents.

Every child experiences trauma at birth – being expelled from the perfect temperature-controlled security of having every need met in the mother’s womb into a cold, demanding world of (albeit, minimal) independence. As parents go on to wean, toilet train, and gradually withdraw support, children naturally feel betrayed and angry. They rage against parents who are pushing them into independence, perhaps even without guaranteeing that they have the tools to succeed. This contentious beginning is one of the sources of the universal parent-child tension that fills psychology offices worldwide.

The modern solution of extended financial dependence only serves to exacerbate this problem. It creates entitled adults who, not having to face life on their own, fail to develop proper coping skills. This lack of personal development and resilience upon failure leads to a much more debilitating issue; the absence of confidence to succeed on their own. As their personal obligations increase, they become ever more reluctant to release their financial dependence on others because they don’t have any proof that they can thrive alone.

Thus, today we have another cultural phenomenon: whole swaths of modern society – yes, mainly wealthy families – support their married children’s lifestyles and life choices, never requiring their children to take responsibility for their own families or financial obligations. Sadly, this has begun to create a welfare mentality even among the affluent.

The true goal of parenting, like leadership, is not to provide perpetual care but to develop independence. Every step in parenting leads to this; birth and forcing a child to breathe on his own, weaning and forcing the child to feed himself, potty-training and forcing the child to take care of his bodily functions and personal cleanliness, etc. Our goal is to push our children – whether they like it or not – to their own personal success as independent beings, one step at a time.

When children curse their parents for forcing independence, the proper response is silence – not retaliation. This counterintuitive approach, and acceptance of abuse from one’s two-year-old, proves to the child that the parent’s actions are truly for the child’s benefit, not the parent’s ego. Taking abuse without responding demonstrates genuine love because there’s no personal benefit to the parent in accepting such treatment.

We find this concept elsewhere in the Torah. In Hebrew the word azov paradoxically means both ‘abandon’ and ‘help.’ True help enables eventual abandonment. Meaning, the only way you know that you have truly helped someone is when they reach the point when they don’t need you anymore. This is like teaching a child to ride a bicycle; in the beginning you hold on to him and the bike, but eventually you have to make a conscious decision to let go. If you continue holding on then he won’t learn to ride a bike. The goal is always to reach the point where support can be withdrawn (i.e. “abandonment”) so that independence can be achieved.

But the only way parents can properly do this is if they define themselves as parents, first and foremost. We have to constantly remember that parenting is hard and yes, it can be a lifelong commitment to helping your children become independent. It certainly comes with challenges, and we must adapt and make adjustments as our children grow.

Parenting can be innately contradicting, like when we spend the first three years of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next fifteen years telling them to sit down and be quiet. It can also feel like running a customer service department for customers who have no interest in following directions or using the product properly. We continuously get performance reviews from customers who can’t find their shoes, insist they put them on themselves, and then get angry when they hurt after putting them on the wrong feet. But we weather it all.

That is, unless we do not define ourselves as parents and resent the responsibilities of parenting. This is when we plug our children into devices so that they won’t bother us and insulate ourselves from taking care of them by hiring nannies and drivers to take them to soccer practice and play dates. We actively ignore every opportunity to spend alone time with them – particularly when their lives are hard and demanding. We prioritize our careers and delude ourselves into believing that providing financial security is more important than being present to support our children.

However, endless financial support does not teach independence. Defining ourselves as their parents and building our children’s self-esteem through unconditional love allows our children to grow confident enough to make own choices. Parental support is not about guaranteeing that our children make the choices we would make; it’s about creating an environment in which children know they are safe to make their own life choices and we will be there regardless of success or failure. We must provide the tools to give them the confidence to make their own choices regarding career, spouse, religiosity, etc.

Most importantly, we must be prepared to let go and – at every juncture – accept the resistance that comes with pushing our children toward independence. This the only way to develop our children into genuine responsible adults rather than perpetual dependents. It is also the only way to be a true leader; like Moses and Aaron.

https://aish.com/behaalosecha-5786-abuse-abandonment-and-autonomy/

Yahrzeit of Moreinu Horav Moshe Wolfson zt"l - 17 Sivan

 

Yahrzeit of

Moreinu Horav

Moshe Wolfson zt"l

17 Sivan

    

R' Moshe ben R' Shmuel Yehuda zt"l

Today, 17 Sivan marks the Yahrzeit of our revered Mashgiach, Moreinu Horav Moshe Wolfson zt"l. The Mashgiach was unique – he was with Yeshiva Torah Vodaath for 93 years! First as a young talmid, then a Rebbe and eventually the Mashgiach of the Bais Medrash.

The Mashgiach told his family that though he imbibed from the kedushah and avodah of many rebbes, the one who shaped him and who was his Rebbe muvhak was Rav Shraga Feivel Mendlowitz, pioneer of Torah in America, founder and Menahel of our Mesivta and founder of Torah Umesorah.

In 1947, as a bachur all of 22 years of age, the Mashgiach was chosen to teach a group of teenage boys who had come to the Yeshivah from different countries in South America. With a combination of love and wisdom, he was remarkably successful with these boys. Shortly thereafter, he was appointed to teach young talmidim in the Yeshiva Ketana, where the Mashgiach was very successful and very beloved.

Eventually, Rav Wolfson was appointed by Rav Nesanel Quinn as assistant menahel. Rav Wolfson occasionally delivered a shmuess to the bachurim, who loved the shmuessen and wanted more. The Rosh Yeshivah, Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky, took note. When the position of Mashgiach became available in the Beis Medrash, it was offered to Rav Wolfson.    

He became Mashgiach and was outstanding in dealing with bachurim and in delivering uplifting shmuessen on emunah, tefillah, the yamim tovim and other important topics. With his clear daas Torah and strict adherence to emes, he guided scores of talmidim, many of whom remained attached to him until his passing.

In 1969, the Mashgiach was offered the position of Mara d’Asra of Camp Torah Vodaath and also served as head of the camp’s Masmidim program. He conducted a tish every Friday night on the front lawn, replete with zemiros, sippurei tzaddikim, and divrei Torah. At some point, the Mashgiach decided to change the Masmidim’s way of davening. The Mashgiach spoke about connecting to the Ribono shel Olam through slow, loud, heartfelt tefillos. The roots of Emunas Yisroel had been planted.

The Mashgiach once said that he felt he was sent down to this world to be machazek the avodah of tefillah. It began in Camp Torah Vodaath and was greatly expanded with the founding of Emunas Yisroel, as the Mashgiach taught generations to daven slowly, loudly, and most importantly, with true feeling and kavanah. What began with a small group of Torah Vodaath talmidim became a worldwide movement of sorts. Rav Shimson Pincus zt”l, who was the Mashgiach’s talmid in first grade, said that Emunas Yisroel’s davening influenced all of Boro Park. Today, with branches in Boro Park, Lakewood, Monsey, Yerushalayim, and Beitar, its influence has spread much further.

The Mashgiach also became renowned for his shmuessen, in which he demonstrated a unique capability of chiddush and incredible power of gematria. His shmuessen were first published in Lashon HaKodesh under the title Emunas Itecha, which today is among the most often-quoted chassidishe sefarim. Recordings of his shmuessen both in Yiddish and English are listened to by frum Jews of all shades and stripes. To date, ten sefarim in English, based on his shmuessen, have been published.

The Mashgiach's desire was to serve the Ribono shel Olam, nothing else mattered. Despite his fame, the Mashgiach remained the same humble tzaddik. Every moment of his life was devoted to avodas Hashem and that included not only tefillah, but also limud haTorah, tzedakah and chesed. Every moment was lived with purpose, with a focus. And yet, along with his great madreigos of avodah, kedushah, and taharah, the Mashgiach was so accessible, so down to earth, so easy to speak with. His words, though measured, conveyed so much love for every Yid but especially for his talmidim.

Yehi Zichro Baruch!

 

For the publication released at the Yeshiva's Legacy Dinner

"HAMASHGIACH​"

TALMIDIM REMEMBER

click here

​​​​​​

For a short biography with pictures that appears in

"AMERICA'S YESHIVA"

click here

Enjoy This Wonderful Composition From Ben-Zion Shenker OBM

 

Golden Oldie :-)

 

Watching Humanity's Descent Into Chaos

 

For the last twenty years, I have had the peculiar sensation that I am living inside a psychiatric experiment designed by people who failed psychiatry. Every year brings another revelation, another movement, another self-appointed redeemer promising to heal humanity while simultaneously making it impossible for neighbors to speak to one another. The modern world suffers from a surplus of prophets and a shortage of adults.

The messianic crazies are everywhere. Some predict the end of capitalism, others the end of democracy, others the end of Western civilization, and still others the end of the world itself. Every one of them claims to possess secret knowledge unavailable to ordinary mortals. They speak with absolute certainty because certainty is the only asset they possess. Facts can be challenged. Evidence can be questioned. Certainty, delivered with sufficient arrogance, can attract millions.

The ancient rabbis understood something that modern society has forgotten: anyone who claims to know everything is usually advertising his ignorance. Yet ours is an age in which humility has become a disqualification. The man who says, "I might be wrong," is ignored. The man who declares, "I alone understand reality," gets a podcast, a book deal, and twenty million followers. Confidence has replaced competence. Volume has replaced wisdom.

Never in human history have so many people known so little while speaking so much. The internet promised the democratization of knowledge. Instead, it often democratized nonsense. Every uninformed opinion now arrives dressed as expertise. Every rumor is presented as investigative journalism. Every conspiracy theory comes wrapped in the language of courage and independent thinking. Millions spend hours consuming content hosted by people whose primary qualification is possession of a microphone and an inflated opinion of themselves.

A civilization that once produced engineers, scientists, philosophers, and statesmen now seems increasingly fascinated by influencers explaining geopolitics between advertisements for dietary supplements and sports betting apps. The old village idiot at least had the courtesy to remain in his village. The new village idiot enjoys global distribution, sponsorship deals, and a devoted audience.

Meanwhile, hatred has become society's most successful growth industry. The political Left manufactures it. The political Right manufactures it. Activists manufacture it. Media personalities manufacture it. Social media platforms distribute it with industrial efficiency. Entire careers are built upon convincing one group of people that another group represents an existential threat. Fear sells. Anger sells. Humiliation sells. Revenge sells. Truth struggles to find investors.

The result is a society increasingly incapable of distinguishing between disagreement and evil. Every argument becomes a crusade. Every election becomes "the most important election in history." Every policy dispute becomes a cosmic struggle between absolute good and absolute evil. Such thinking may be emotionally satisfying, but it is intellectually infantile. A civilization cannot function when every debate is transformed into Armageddon.

The Jewish people have seen this movie before. We have watched societies lose their minds. We have witnessed mass hysteria dressed up as moral virtue. We have observed educated people repeat obvious falsehoods because those falsehoods were fashionable. We have seen crowds intoxicated by slogans, leaders elevated into messianic figures, and institutions surrender their judgment to collective madness. History's most dangerous moments rarely begin with tanks. They begin with lies.

Small lies become acceptable. Large lies become profitable. Eventually, truth itself becomes negotiable. Once that happens, everything becomes possible. The most remarkable feature of modern civilization is not its technological brilliance but its intellectual recklessness. Humanity has invented machines capable of connecting billions of people instantly across continents. We then used those machines to amplify every prejudice, every delusion, every narcissist, every charlatan, and every fanatic we could find.

The result resembles less a global community than a global food fight. Everyone is screaming. Nobody is listening. Everybody belongs to a tribe. Nobody belongs to the truth. The tragedy is not merely that so many people have become dishonest. The tragedy is that honesty itself has become unfashionable. Admitting uncertainty is viewed as weakness. Intellectual caution is viewed as cowardice. Reflection is viewed as hesitation. The loudest voice wins, not because it is correct, but because it is loud.

And so humanity marches forward, armed with supercomputers, artificial intelligence, instant communication, and the emotional maturity of a middle-school cafeteria. The rabbis taught that wisdom begins with recognizing one's limitations. Modern civilization teaches the opposite. It teaches that ignorance accompanied by confidence is a substitute for wisdom.

That lesson may prove to be the most expensive one humanity has ever learned. A society can survive disagreement. It can survive hardship. It can survive political conflict. What it cannot survive indefinitely is the systematic destruction of the distinction between truth and falsehood. That, more than any election, ideology, political party, or public figure, is the real crisis of our age. Not that people disagree about reality, but that increasing numbers of people no longer believe reality has any authority over them at all. The road from civilization to chaos is shorter than most people imagine.

 The first step is not violence. The first step is convincing ourselves that truth no longer matters.

REPUBLISHED

https://blogs.timesofisrael.com/watching-humanitys-descent-into-chaos/

Yoel Teitelbaum - The Real History Of This Charismatic Ill Man...

 

How a Leading Anti-Zionist Rabbi Betrayed His Community

The hypocritical actions of the Satmar Rebbe during the Holocaust

READ IN APP

In the frum community, you hear the stories of gedolim (great rabbis) during the Holocaust. They are painted as fearless leaders who marched with their flocks into the gas chambers or miraculously rebuilt from nothing purely on the merit of their unbroken emunah. And some of these stories are true. But if you dig into the actual historical records, the truth is often much darker. Sometimes the revered tzadik (saint) who built a massive post war empire was, objectively speaking, incredibly selfish.

Take Rabbi Yoel Teitelbaum, the famous Satmar Rebbe. Today, he is venerated as the ultimate unyielding leader of ultra Orthodoxy who built a massive, prosperous hasidus in America. He's also admired by some on the Jewish left for his antizionist theology. But during the Holocaust, his actions were anything but heroic. The historical record reveals a man whose self preservation consistently cost others their lives.

Even before the war, he was known for a relentlessly ambitious personality and a lust for power. When his father the Sighet Rebbe died, his older brother inherited the rabbinate of Sighet. His family exiled the jealous 17-year-old Yoel to Satmar to prevent him from interfering. Years later, when his brother passed away, he considered his family traitors for bypassing him again to appoint his 14-year-old nephew as the successor. He then engaged in six years of bitter relentless campaigns against his opponents in Satmar, whom he slandered both openly and surreptitiously, before securing the position of chief rabbi of Satmar in 1934.

Even after becoming religious leader, his primary concern was himself. When a virulently antisemitic government took power in Romania in 1937, he simply packed up and traveled to Czechoslovakia despite his kehillah (congregation) begging him not to abandon them in a time of crisis. Just a few weeks later, the Romanian king dissolved the antisemitic government. With the immediate threat over, Rabbi Teitelbaum returned home to his community in Satmar. When he got back, he gave a sermon to his congregation justifying his disappearance, making the claim that a Tzadik could only do his holy work if he was safe. This was a harbinger for what was to come.

As the terrifying reality of the Polish extermination camps reached Satmar in 1943, one man attempted to warn the Jewish residents of Satmar about the impending threat and urged them to escape. In response, the Satmar rebbe excommunicated him. Rabbi Teitelbaum himself cautioned his flock against trying to immigrate to Palestine or other countries, preaching that such a move would severely harm their strict Hasidic way of life.

Rabbi Teitelbaum did not just passively fail to help. He actively dismantled the escape routes others tried to build. At one crucial point, roughly forty rabbis recognized the impending doom and signed a desperate memorandum. This agreement would have integrated vulnerable Haredi (ultra Orthodox) Jews into the established Zionist underground networks, which were actively operating systems to help Jews hide and escape across the border. When Rabbi Teitelbaum found out about this life saving collaboration, he immediately stepped in to stop it. He appealed to the Central Bureau in Budapest and aggressively demanded that the Orthodox congregation in Oradea completely nullify the agreement. Because of his rigid ideological refusal to cooperate with Zionists, he deliberately severed a vital lifeline for his own community. He even refused to let other rabbinic leaders organize a public Taanis (fast day) to mourn and pray for salvation, worrying the government would see it as a political protest. He forced his community to stay quiet and reject the underground networks, paralyzing them right up until the moment he slipped away in the middle of the night to save himself.

As the Nazi threat closed in, his followers desperately tried to smuggle him out, but his rigid ego continually got in the way. At one point, a group prepared to cross the border into Romania, an escape route that saved over ten thousand Jews. The organizers sent a vehicle to collect him, but he refused to go, and because of his refusal, the entire plan was aborted, dooming the rest of the group. Another time, a plan was made to smuggle him to safety by train, but it required him to shave his beard and wear goyishe clothing. He refused to alter his appearance, killing that escape plan as well.

When he finally did escape his doomed congregation, it was in a bribed Red Cross ambulance with his wealthy followers. During the chaotic nighttime departure, the very man who organized the rescue and knew the location of their safe house was accidentally left behind. They did not turn back for him. Because they left their guide behind, they got lost, wandered the streets of Cluj, and were arrested and thrown into the Cluj ghetto.

In the horrific conditions of the brick factory ghetto, he showed no leadership or compassion. While regular Jews suffered, he demanded his food be prepared in entirely separate vessels to maintain his strict kashrus standards, despite the ghetto hosting a completely kosher kitchen. He hid from the public, spoke to few people, refused to serve as a chazzan for the makeshift synagogue, and begged his closest associates to pull strings to get him transferred to a more comfortable ghetto.

The most hypocritical part of his story is how he actually survived. He was a virulent anti-Zionist, preaching that collaborating with Zionist institutions was a grave sin. Yet, when the opportunity arose, he eagerly took a spot on the famous Kasztner train, a rescue transport organized and negotiated by the very Zionists he despised. On the train, leaving his community to be deported to Auschwitz, he spent the journey hiding in the corner of the last car behind cloth sheets hung from the ceiling, entirely shunning the other terrified passengers.

When the train was diverted to the Bergen-Belsen transit camp, his entitlement continued. While others suffered the brutal camp conditions, he was exempted from roll calls by a doctor, and volunteers performed all of his forced labor tasks. He refused to daven (pray) with the main camp minyan. In a display of profound arrogance, he even picked a fight with another captive rabbi, accusing him of giving a lenient psak (halachic ruling) despite the fact that they were literally in a Nazi camp!

After his release, he was brought to safety in Switzerland where he lived in a private apartment funded by his American followers. Even in safety, his refusal to play nice cost lives. He tried to track down Jewish orphans hidden with Christian families, but his main goal failed completely because his distaste for non Haredi organizations caused him to alienate the Joint Distribution Committee and Agudas Yisroel. Because of this pointless infighting, he failed to establish a rescue home for those children.

When the war was over, his ingratitude became absolute. He refused to send a single letter of thanks to the people or institutions who secured his rescue. Years later, when Israel Kasztner, the man whose train saved his life, was put on trial, Rabbi Teitelbaum flatly refused to testify on his behalf.

How did he justify all of this to his new followers in America? Well, he didn’t. Instead, he developed a radical theology claiming the Holocaust was God’s direct punishment for the sin of Zionism. He taught that Zionists violated the Shalosh Shevuot (Three Oaths) and that their push for a state was a collective kefirah (heresy) that brought down the harshest divine wrath. He literally wrote that Zionists were descendants of the Erev Rav and Amalek. He even blamed religious groups like Mizrachi and Agudas Yisroel, claiming they shared the guilt for the slaughter of six million Jews. He claimed his own personal survival was a pure miracle through the merit of Yaakov Avinu, while arguing that the Zionists were only saved by the Satan who was trying to glorify himself. He built an entire religious dynasty on blaming others, successfully using a total anti Zionist worldview to expunge his own historical failures and rewrite his cowardice as holy zealotry.¹

All the above details come from “Hast Thou Escaped and Also Taken Possession? The Responses of the Satmar Rebbe – Rabbi Yoel Teitelbaum – and his Followers to Criticism of his Conduct During and After the Holocaust” by Menahem Keren-Kratz 

The Inherent Dangers For Americans And The Free World:Trump's Negotiations With Iran As It Is An Equal Nation State

If America treats Iran as an equal strategic partner despite decades of terrorism, hostage-taking, proxy warfare, and nuclear brinkmanship, what message does this send to every authoritarian power watching? It teaches that sustained aggression works. That ideological extremism eventually earns a seat at the adult table. That democratic nations possess no enduring moral memory.

 There are moments in history when a democracy makes a catastrophic intellectual mistake before it makes a military one. The mistake is not weakness alone. It is not naïveté alone. It is something more dangerous: the decision to morally elevate a hostile regime into the status of a legitimate equal partner while pretending that language itself can erase reality.

That is the inherent danger in Donald Trump’s negotiations with Iran.

Not negotiations themselves. Nations negotiate with enemies all the time. Churchill negotiated. Nixon negotiated. Even Israel has negotiated with sworn enemies when necessity demanded it. The danger begins when negotiations stop being tactical and start becoming theological — when America unconsciously grants the Iranian regime the dignity, legitimacy, and permanence of a normal civilization rather than recognizing it for what it is: a revolutionary regime built upon permanent hostility toward the West.

Iran is not merely another nation-state pursuing ordinary interests. The regime in Tehran is an ideological project. It survives through hatred. Hatred of America. Hatred of Israel. Hatred of liberal democracy. Hatred of Western modernity itself. Its revolutionary identity depends upon confrontation. To treat such a regime as a standard diplomatic counterpart is like inviting a pyromaniac to co-author the fire code.

And this is where Trump’s style becomes dangerous for the free world.

Trump approaches negotiations like a real estate developer approaching a difficult zoning board. He believes every adversary ultimately wants a transaction. He assumes pressure plus incentives equals compromise. But ideological regimes do not think transactionally. They think historically. Religiously. Civilizationally. They are willing to absorb pain over decades because they view endurance itself as victory.

The Iranian regime watched America flee Afghanistan. It watched Washington beg for stability in the Middle East. It watched Europe collapse into moral exhaustion. And now it watches an American president publicly advertise his desperation for “a deal.” That alone shifts the psychological balance.

The problem is not merely what Trump may concede. The problem is the image projected to the world: America sitting across from a terror-sponsoring regime as if two morally equivalent powers are negotiating border tariffs between Belgium and Luxembourg.

The Islamic Republic understands symbolism better than many Western leaders. Every handshake becomes propaganda. Every summit becomes validation. Every concession becomes proof that persistence breaks democratic will. One of the oldest Jewish lessons in history is that civilizations often perish not when enemies become strong, but when free societies lose the ability to distinguish between good and evil. Europe did this repeatedly. The West called barbarians “partners” until the barbarians reached the gates. Intellectual confusion always precedes civilizational collapse.

The modern Western disease is the compulsive need to normalize fanaticism.

Iran funds proxies across the Middle East. Iran armed Hezbollah. Iran empowered Hamas. Iran helped destabilize Iraq, Lebanon, Syria, and Yemen. Iranian leaders still chant “Death to America” with the same enthusiasm university students chant for climate justice. Yet Washington behaves as though the regime merely seeks “security guarantees” and “regional respect.”

Respect? A regime that shoots women for removing headscarves seeks domination, not respect.

A regime that celebrates martyrdom does not negotiate the way accountants negotiate.

A regime whose political theology glorifies apocalyptic confrontation cannot be analyzed solely through the language of Western diplomacy.

And yet America repeatedly falls into the same trap: believing that hostile regimes become moderate once granted legitimacy and economic oxygen. The theory failed with the Soviet Union for decades. It failed with North Korea. It failed with China. It failed after the Obama-era nuclear negotiations. And now history threatens to repeat itself once again.

The deeper danger extends beyond Iran itself.

If America treats Iran as an equal strategic partner despite decades of terrorism, hostage-taking, proxy warfare, and nuclear brinkmanship, what message does this send to every authoritarian power watching? It teaches that sustained aggression works. That ideological extremism eventually earns a seat at the adult table. That democratic nations possess no enduring moral memory.

The free world survives only when it maintains civilizational confidence — when it understands that not all systems are morally interchangeable. America’s power was never merely military. It was psychological. The belief that free societies possessed greater moral legitimacy than tyrannies.

Once that distinction dissolves, decline accelerates.

The frightening reality is that many modern leaders no longer believe in victory. They believe only in management. Temporary calm. Short-term headlines. Delayed crises. The obsession becomes avoiding discomfort today even if catastrophe grows tomorrow. That is how exhausted empires behave near the end of their historical cycle.

Trump may believe he is avoiding war. Perhaps he is. Perhaps negotiations buy temporary stability. But history teaches a cruel lesson: regimes built upon revolutionary hatred often interpret conciliation not as wisdom, but as weakness. Even analysts and diplomats have warned that rushed or symbolic agreements risk strengthening Iran’s leverage while leaving fundamental conflicts unresolved.

The free world should negotiate from strength, clarity, and moral seriousness — not from desperation for applause, markets, headlines, or legacy-building ceremonies.

Because once America psychologically accepts Iran as merely another respectable stakeholder in the “international community,” the battle is already half lost.

Empires rarely collapse from one invasion. They collapse when they forget who they are.

 

REPUBLISHED

https://blogs.timesofisrael.com/the-dangers-of-trumps-negotiation-with-iran-as-it-is-an-equal-nation-state/

The Iran Deal: What Trump Got, What Iran Got, and What Comes Next - Featuring Richard Goldberg (The Seforim Guy) - (Dubowitz & Goldberg The Smartest Guys On Everything Iran)

 

FULL SET OF SEFORIM AND AMERICAN FLAG - NO CONTRADICTION

Acknowledging abuse within our closest circles is excruciating, but silence is an absolute betrayal...

 

I personally urge all parents to contact Ms. Bracha Goetz's website and order this book and the many others of great importance! Link below.

 Paul Mendlowitz

 

How to speak about the hard truth of child abuse

 

Acknowledging abuse within our closest circles is excruciating, but silence is an absolute betrayal. Our children’s futures depend on our willingness to shatter the silence.

Follow us on Google

In child protection, the greatest liability is the silence. For months, as families across Israel sought refuge from geopolitical conflict, children were confined to bomb shelters and closed quarters. While these spaces offered physical shielding from the outside world, for many vulnerable children, they became pressure cookers of private terror. At ELI – Israel Association for Child Protection, we knew that a silent wave was building.

Now, the floodgates have officially opened. As children have left the shelters and returned to their school desks, ELI has witnessed a staggering doubling in the number of child abuse cases. The classroom has once again become the ultimate front line of discovery; it is where the vast majority of these cases are finally brought to light.

Schools Are Often the First Safe Place

When the routine of school resumes, the defense mechanisms built during isolation begin to crack. Our teachers, school counselors, and administrators are trained to spot these shifts. They are the eyes and ears of a critical societal safety net, uniquely positioned to notice a child’s sudden regression, behavioral changes, or explicit disclosures. ELI has comprehensive programs actively working within the educational system to ensure these professionals can act immediately.

But the safety net cannot end at the school gates. The hardest, most uncomfortable reality we must face is that we must learn the vocabulary to address threats inside our own living rooms.

Historically, child abuse in our society was met with institutional and cultural denial. There is the protective but dangerous narrative that "such things simply do not happen in our community." Today, that denial manifests as a powerful desire among family members to hide what is often hard to believe and deeply embarrassing for the family. 

The Hardest Conversations Often Happen at Home

When a child drops a hint, or when behavioral warning signs appear at home, parents often experience a paralyzing cognitive dissonance. The instinct to protect the family’s reputation or to shield oneself from an agonizing truth frequently overrides the imperative to investigate.

We must dismantle this stigma. Transparency breaks the cycle. If we do not speak the hard truth, we leave the child completely isolated in their pain, reinforcing the abuser’s power.

Giving Children the Language to Speak

To combat this stigma, child protection must adapt. Through school-based prevention programs that use an 'edutainment,'  a play or musical about the issue of child abuse, ELI gives children the language to recognize and name abuse,  before a "bad secret" becomes a life-long scar. We teach them the difference between a good surprise and a toxic secret. But adults need this vocabulary just as desperately. Parents must learn to ask direct, non-judgmental questions, to actively listen without reacting in anger or disbelief, and to prioritize a child's safety over familial pride.

Acknowledging abuse within our closest circles is excruciating, but silence is an absolute betrayal. As we navigate the complex trauma of our current reality, let us commit to radical transparency. Look closely, listen fiercely, and speak up. Our children’s futures depend on our willingness to shatter the silence.

Eran Zimrin is the CEO of ELI – Israel Association for Child Protection, founded in 1979 to prevent and treat child abuse in Israel. To learn more or support our mission, visit eli-usa.org.

 

https://www.jpost.com/health-and-wellness/mind-and-spirit/article-897150

* 

 

I personally urge all parents to contact Ms. Bracha Goetz's website and order this book and the many others of great importance! Link below.

 Paul Mendlowitz

 

Growing I.M.P.A.C.T. Publications

PRE-ORDER NEW RELEASE: My Special Body: A First Book About Personal Safety

https://www.growingimpactpublications.com/
 

 

Protecting kids doesn't require scary talks. Simple, calm conversations woven into everyday moments can give children the language, confidence, and awareness to keep themselves safe.

Not long ago, conversations about child safety, especially those involving personal boundaries, were largely absent from many Jewish homes and classrooms. The silence was not born of indifference, but of discomfort, uncertainty, and a deep desire to preserve childhood innocence.

Parents wanted to protect their children. They just weren’t sure how to begin.

For years, the prevailing assumption was that speaking to young children about personal safety might frighten them or expose them to concepts they were not ready to process. And yet, as awareness slowly grew about the realities children can face, even within familiar environments, it became clear that silence carried its own risks.

One of the most important realizations to emerge over time is this: children do not need to be frightened in order to be empowered.

In fact, the most effective safety education often looks surprisingly gentle.

Rather than dramatic warnings, it can take the form of calm, age-appropriate conversations woven into everyday life. A parent helping a child get dressed, a discussion before a doctor’s visit, a reminder during swim time—these ordinary moments can become opportunities to build a child’s awareness of their own body, their boundaries, and their voice.

These conversations don’t need to feel forced or dramatic; ordinary daily interactions can naturally become opportunities to build a child’s lifelong awareness of personal safety.

Those involved in developing early resources for these conversations have witnessed this shift firsthand, watching as what once felt like unfamiliar territory gradually became part of the broader educational landscape in Jewish homes and classrooms.

Another important shift has been the understanding that safety education is not a one-time conversation, but an ongoing process. Just as we revisit other areas of health and wellbeing as our children grow, personal safety can be addressed in small, thoughtful increments, with language that evolves alongside a child’s maturity.

Experts increasingly emphasize that even very young children can begin learning simple, foundational ideas: that their bodies are their own, that certain areas are private, and that they can speak up if something doesn’t feel right. These messages, when delivered with warmth and clarity, do not burden children; they strengthen them.

Perhaps most significantly, communities have begun to recognize that these conversations are not in conflict with our values, but an expression of them.

Teaching children to respect their bodies and trust their inner sense of discomfort aligns deeply with a broader commitment to dignity, responsibility, and care for one another. Protecting children is not only about responding to danger; it is about equipping them, in age-appropriate ways, with the tools they need to navigate the world safely.

Today, something has shifted.

Parents, educators, and mental health professionals are increasingly working together to create resources that make these conversations more accessible. What once felt daunting is becoming more natural.

Safeguarding children begins not with fear, but with clarity and gentle, open communication.

By giving children simple language, by inviting their questions, and by reassuring them that they can always come to us, we are protecting them and strengthening their sense of self, helping to build a culture where safety, trust, and dignity are paramount.

Click here to comment on this article

More About The Author

Bracha Goetz

Bracha Goetz is the Harvard-educated author of 47 children’s books, including the safety books, Let's Stay Safe, Talking About Personal Privacy, Let's Swim Safely, and the new board book release for preschoolers, My Special Body: A First Book About Personal Safety.

More from this Author >

The alliance with America has become a liability, and Israel must start looking out for Israel, no matter who that alienates in Washington.

 

The Betrayal of Jerusalem: Washington’s Toxic Ego

.

 

For decades, Israel has played the part of the loyal, reliable frontline defender of Western values in a region that eats weakness for breakfast. We have bled, we have fought, and we have held the line. But the sobering reality of the spring of 2026 has exposed a bitter truth that the Israeli establishment can no longer afford to ignore. The United States is no longer a reliable ally to the West, let alone to Jerusalem. Washington’s foreign policy is no longer driven by strategic conviction, shared democratic values, or long-term stability. It is driven by cold financial transaction and the narcissistic obsession of Donald Trump, a man desperately angling for a Nobel Peace Prize at the absolute expense of Israeli security.

Facing reality
The political landscape is shifting beneath our feet, and the global public has been thoroughly brainwashed into believing a simplistic, outdated narrative. We have been conditioned to believe that America is the permanent force for good while Moscow represents absolute malice. Yet, a cold look at historical data since 1950 reveals an uncomfortable reality. When counting major conflicts with active combat boots on the ground, the Soviet Union and Russia have been involved in 11 wars, including their brutal campaigns in Chechnya, Georgia, Syria, and Ukraine. In contrast, the United States has engineered or plunged into 12 separate conflicts, from Vietnam and Panama to the disastrous, prolonged occupations of Iraq and Afghanistan. Add the current escalating theater with Iran, and America’s record of global interventionism outpaces the Kremlin. Washington has spent the last three-quarters of a century treating the globe as its personal chessboard, and now, under Trump, it is treating its most loyal allies like expendable corporate subsidiaries.

A Dangerous Dynamic
The current war with Iran perfectly illustrates this dangerous dynamic. For the United States, Iran is an abstract geopolitical problem located safely across an ocean. The physical distance between Washington and Tehran is roughly 11,700 kilometers, a massive geographic buffer that shields the American public from the immediate fallout of a regional explosion. For Israel, the threat is an existential reality ticking right on our doorstep. Tehran sits a mere 1,700 kilometers from Jerusalem. Iranian ballistic missiles, drone swarms, and proxy armies do not threaten the daily life of a voter in Ohio, but they menace every single citizen in the State of Israel.

Despite this stark disparity in vulnerability, Donald Trump is demanding absolute submission from the Israeli government. He has turned a vital security partnership into a tool of heavy-handed coercion. We saw the mask slip completely on May 21, 2026, when Trump publicly bragged that Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu would do “whatever I want” regarding the diplomatic backchannels in Iran. This came on the heels of a tense phone call where Trump dismissed Israel’s sovereign right to dictate its own military timeline.

The White House has made it clear that because America shoulders a massive financial and logistical burden, Jerusalem must sit quietly in the passenger seat. When the Pakistan-brokered ceasefire was implemented, Washington immediately threatened to cut off essential logistical and air defense support if Israel took unilateral military action to eliminate existential threats.

Think about the sheer audacity of that position. Trump is actively holding our air defense systems hostage to protect a fragile truce that serves his personal political legacy, ignoring the reality that an intact Iranian war machine is a gun pointed directly at Israel’s head.

 This pattern of American betrayal extends far beyond the borders of the Jewish state. Trump has spent the last two months systematically dismantling the entire Western security architecture. He has openly threatened to withdraw from NATO, branding a 77-year-old alliance a paper tiger simply because European nations are hesitant to send their naval fleets into the Strait of Hormuz to back his maritime blockade. His administration has transformed NATO from a mechanism of mutual deterrence into an instrument of raw extortion, withdrawing thousands of troops from Germany and threatening to halt weapon funding programs just to bully allies into submission. By browbeating historic partners from Europe to the Indo-Pacific, Trump has completely isolated the United States and destroyed its collective bargaining power against major global adversaries like Beijing.

If the United States is willing to abandon its traditional European partners and treats Israel’s survival as a bargaining chip for a vanity peace deal, then the time has come for Jerusalem to break free from this toxic dependency. We must stop pretending that Washington is our savior. If America is transforming into a volatile, self-absorbed entity that abandons its allies for cash and applause, Israel must adapt to the multi-polar world of 2026.

Perhaps it is time to open serious, transactional dialogues with Russia. Moscow understands the raw calculus of power in the Middle East. They do not hide behind hypocritical lectures on democratic values while threatening to pull air defense funding during a war. They operate on cold, hard national interests. If the traditional Western alliance is dead, killed by American narcissism, Israel must chart an independent path. We cannot allow our national survival to be dictated by a president who views our existence through the lens of a corporate takeover.

The alliance with America has become a liability, and Israel must start looking out for Israel, no matter who that alienates in Washington.

 

https://blogs.timesofisrael.com/the-betrayal-of-jerusalem-washingtons-toxic-ego/ 

 

 

‘Perhaps’ Tehran will join Abraham Accords ...........

 

Early symptoms of delusional disorder may include:

• Feelings of being exploited.
• Preoccupation with the loyalty or trustworthiness of friends.
• A tendency to read threatening meanings into benign remarks or events.
• Persistently holding grudges.
• A readiness to respond and react to perceived slights.
• https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9599-delusional-disorder
•  

Trump: US ‘in no rush’ during ‘constructive’ Iran talks; ‘perhaps’ Tehran will join Abraham Accords

Today, 5:52 pm

US President Donald Trump calls negotiations with Iran “constructive,” while noting that “time is on [Washington’s] side” and the US naval blockade against Iran will remain in effect until an agreement is reached.

“The negotiations are proceeding in an orderly and constructive manner, and I have informed my representatives not to rush into a deal in that time is on our side,” Trump writes on Truth Social. “The Blockade will remain in full force and effect until an agreement is reached, certified, and signed. Both sides must take their time and get it right. There can be no mistakes!” he adds.

Trump repeats his assertion that whatever deal is reached with Iran will be better than the one previously negotiated by the Obama administration, saying the current deal will be “THE EXACT OPPOSITE.”

“Our relationship with Iran is becoming a much more professional and productive one,” Trump continues, while adding that “they cannot develop or procure a Nuclear Weapon or Bomb.”

He thanks regional countries for their “support and cooperation,” which he says “will be further enhanced and strengthened by their joining the Nations of the historic Abraham Accords” normalization agreements brokered by his administration, and goes as far as to suggest that Iran, which is sworn to Israel’s destruction, perhaps “would like to join [the Accords], as well!”

 

https://www.timesofisrael.com/liveblog_entry/trump-us-in-no-rush-during-constructive-iran-talks-perhaps-tehran-will-join-abraham-accords/?