Top Snake Handler Leaves Sinking Huckabee Campaign
LITTLE ROCK, AR—Dealing yet another blow to the former
Arkansas governor’s presidential hopes, Dalton Hobbs, one of Mike
Huckabee’s top snake handlers, has decided to leave the sinking
campaign, sources reported Thursday. “This guy was one of the most loyal
campaign staffers on the Huckabee team, and no longer being able to
rely on his extensive experience with handling poisonous cottonmouths at
stump speeches and town halls is a loss Huckabee really can’t afford
right now,” said a campaign insider who wished to remain anonymous,
adding that Hobbs had been at the candidate’s side using the power of
Scripture to protect himself from the serpent’s bite since Huckabee’s
brief Senate run in 1995, but had reportedly become frustrated in recent
weeks by the campaign’s apparent lack of focus and inability to make
headway in a crowded GOP field.
“Sure, Huckabee can find somebody else to warm up the crowds by drinking strychnine and speaking in tongues, but he’ll never really be able to replace Dalton. He was a key member of the campaign’s brain trust.” At press time, Huckabee had reportedly suffered another major setback as word broke that several of the campaign’s leading faith healers had bolted for the Cruz camp.
http://www.theonion.com/article/top-snake-handler-leaves-sinking-huckabee-campaign-51329
“Sure, Huckabee can find somebody else to warm up the crowds by drinking strychnine and speaking in tongues, but he’ll never really be able to replace Dalton. He was a key member of the campaign’s brain trust.” At press time, Huckabee had reportedly suffered another major setback as word broke that several of the campaign’s leading faith healers had bolted for the Cruz camp.
http://www.theonion.com/article/top-snake-handler-leaves-sinking-huckabee-campaign-51329