DESPITE SEXUAL abuse being a topic not often or easily talked about within the haredi community, this rabbi stressed that he felt the need to come forward in order to spread awareness of the epidemic of child sexual abuse and to empower people to overcome the shame so often felt by victims.

A #MeToo haredi hero 

RABBI AVREMI ZIPPEL with wife Sheina and sons Menny and baby Menachem..

Chabad Rabbi Avremi Zippel speaks about the sexual abuse he faced and how he is rising above it to empower survivors in his community and the world.

They seem to have nothing in common: Mormon kidnapping survivor Elizabeth Smart, Olympic Gold Medalist Aly Raisman and Utah Chabad Rabbi Avremi Zippel.
 

But the three, in fact, share a powerful bond – the experience of being powerfully violated as children, sexually assaulted when they had barely any understanding of what sex was and taken advantage of by adults who used their bodies and their innocence for their own pleasure.
 

Earlier this month, Zippel’s story spread across the world as the 27-year-old father of two stood in court with his kippah and his wispy brown beard to testify that his former nanny, 69-year-old Alavina Florreich, had sexually abused him from age eight to 18. 

Smart, a victim of horrific rape by her kidnapper when she was just 14, stood in the courtroom in order to offer her support to the rabbi. Raisman offered hers via Twitter.
 

“Thanks for your bravery and courage Rabbi Zippel,” the Olympian wrote. “You will inspire so many others to share their stories. Thank you for speaking your truth! I support you!”
 

Zippel said that he had been inspired to come forward thanks to the #MeToo movement and after seeing the courage of Raisman to testify against Larry Nassar, the former USA Gymnastics doctor who had allegedly abused hundreds of young girls.
 

Not long after his powerful story spread across the ocean and around the world, Zippel told The Jerusalem Post Magazine that he felt incredibly inspired by the positive responses he received from people from within his community and from without, while also feeling that a huge responsibility had fallen onto his shoulders. A responsibility, he explains, that he is more than ready to embrace.
 

“Since the story came out, I feel so relieved to be able to talk about it and I can finally move on and heal,” he says. “But at the same time, it sets a precedent for me and it reinforces the responsibility I have for others to help them come forward. It both felt really good and like I took on a really big commitment.”

DESPITE SEXUAL abuse being a topic not often or easily talked about within the haredi community, this rabbi stressed that he felt the need to come forward in order to spread awareness of the epidemic of child sexual abuse and to empower people to overcome the shame so often felt by victims.
 

Studies show that child sexual abuse is rampant across all societies and cultures. Research published by the National Institutes for Health in 2009 showed that nearly one in five girls and one in 12 boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18, with experts saying that there is little division among class, race or religion. Another study published by the institute in 2018 found that there was no indication that sexual abuse was more or less prevalent among the religious Jewish community. It did, however, find a link between experiencing sexual abuse and leaving the community. In fact, the study found that individuals who were raised in the Orthodox community and then left are more than four times as likely to have been molested as children than those who stay in the community.
 

As the founder of Jewish Community Watch (JCW), an organization that works to combat child sexual abuse within the Orthodox Jewish community, Meyer Seewald described slightly different findings within his organization regarding the statistics.
 

“By us, in our community, I have found there to be more male victims than females. Because of the separation between the sexes, male predators don’t necessarily have as much access to females unless they are family members or close friends. But with males we see many cases of boys having been abused by their male teachers, rabbis, mentors, camp counselors or other children. 

 

“Furthermore, when a child is abused by someone well-respected within a tight-knit community, there are real risks that the child faces by coming forward and telling people. The community may ostracize him or call him a troublemaker. People often cannot believe that someone they respect can be guilty of such a heinous crime.”
 

This was not exactly the case for Zippel.
 

“My story is different from many others, especially within the religious Jewish community,” Zippel told the Magazine. “I wasn’t abused by a Jew and I wasn’t abused by a rabbi, but a lot of the experience of what survivors go through is universal.”
 

To indicate this point, Zippel explained the feeling he had as he watched Raisman’s testimony in court against her abuser.

 

“Aly’s story really touched me,” he said. “It seems to me that Aly’s life would have been fine without coming forward. She was already a gold-medal gymnast with or without this. She could have lived a perfectly happy life without talking about this.
 

“But she got up there – first, because she thought it would be healing to herself and second, she came forward to empower others to not feel ashamed to tell their stories.
 

“There is a certain level of lack of control that survivors of abuse go through because you never know when you’ll encounter your abuser. There is a certain level of power that your abuser holds over you. They have this secret and you have this secret and its that power of secrecy that they hold on you.
 

“To break through that cycle and to get that secret off your chest, it breaks the power. Every minute Aly talked, it felt like buckles were busting and ropes were coming undone; it gave me the thought that I can also do it myself one day.”
 

Zippel had lived with the shame of the abuse for years, saying the fear of people finding out about his past haunted him. He felt that because he experienced pleasure during some of the encounters and that sexual activity before marriage was sin, he was a sinner and a bad person.
 

“Most of my childhood I thought I was going to die imminently because I was doing these terrible sins. To me, the world was simple: there are good things and there are sins. I was like Satan in my head… so I lived in this turmoil,” he told Deseret News.

 

IT IS exactly for this reason that it’s crucial for rabbis like Zippel to come forward and talk about these topics and for there to exist organizations like Jewish Community Watch, which has created a space within this community where haredim can learn about the extent to which sexual abuse causes harm and to provide an outlet for those who have been abused so that they can come forward and share their story and begin the journey toward ridding themselves of the shame.
 

JCW has created dozens of educational events in synagogues and schools within haredi communities both in Israel and around the world where people can hear from survivors of abuse, government officials and experts in the field of mental health. The events act as an education for parents who need to know what to look out for in their children and to create a conversation so that those who have been abused feel comfortable to come forward.
 

However, while private organizations like JCW exist to help haredi survivors of abuse, a representative from Jewish Community Watch explained that there is not enough being done by the government of Israel to fight this epidemic within this sect.
 

The blind spot of the government toward this issue became abundantly clear recently when the police announced they suspect that Deputy Health Minister Ya’acov Litzman, head of the haredi United Torah Judaism Party, worked with a psychiatrist to create documents saying that suspected child molester Malka Leifer was psychologically unwell and therefore unable to be extradited to Australia to face a trial.
 

Leifer is accused of having sexually abused numerous young girls while she was principal of a religious Melbourne girls’ school.

 

It was, in fact, the privately funded Jewish Community Watch that hired a private investigator to research Leifer and uncovered that she had been faking her psychological diagnosis.
 

DESPITE THE efforts to combat sexual abuse by groups like JCW, Zippel, a father to two young children, believes that the most important message to take from his story is one of love.
 

“I’ve had people respond to me, telling me that since they heard my story they have fired their babysitters and installed cameras in their homes and schools, but I really don’t think that’s the solution. Doing this is almost lulling ourselves into a false sense of security. It’s the natural human reaction to flail out at everything in arms reach, but this is not going to be that simple.
 

“To a certain extent, you can’t prevent this from happening. I know that sounds pessimistic, but I believe it’s true. My abuser was loved and cherished by my family. Nobody would have considered that she was a sexual predator. Short of locking your kids in your home, you can’t keep them in bubble wrap.
 

“What you can do is put the infrastructure in place that the first time something happens to them they aren’t comfortable with, they can come to you and tell you. We need to instill in our children that no matter what happens, nothing can blemish who you are and hurt who you can become. We have to show them that we love them unconditionally despite anything that could have been done to them or that they could have done.
 

“I always thought abuse meant torture and I couldn’t accept that what I had been through was abuse because as a child, it felt ‘consensual.’ We need to tell children that you never have to feel ashamed to talk about anything to us. You should never hide anything.”
 

Seewald also believes that to a certain extent it is impossible to truly prevent children from being abused.
 

“Can you actually prevent every single incident? No, you can’t. But when there are murders on the street, you hire more police officers and it slows it down. This is why JCW exists. To give victims the support they need to bring their abuser to justice – to hold abusers accountable. The knowledge that they may run into us and be exposed in front of the community offers some deterrence.”
 

But the most impactful way to help those who have been abused is to show them that it is okay to talk about what they have gone through.
 

“It is very important for victims of child sexual abuse to come out and tell their story,” says Seewald. “It is especially heartening to see a rabbi do it. By talking about his abuse, Rabbi Zippel is paving the way for the next person to come forward and talk about what they have been through. By bravely expressing his pain and everything he went through, Zippel is empowering others to use their voices and know that it is OK for them to tell their story.”
 

The weight of the responsibility is not lost on the rabbi.
 

“I don’t know why me. I don’t think I’ll ever know why me,” he told Deseret News about everything that he had been through. “I believe that God gave certain people a certain journey in life for a reason. I believe that when you are given a certain path in life, you have a spiritual responsibility, a spiritual opportunity, to walk that path. It’s an inescapable part of my past and now I have the opportunity to do something about it – to walk that path and to bring some good into the world as a result of it.”

 

https://www.jpost.com/Magazine/A-MeToo-haredi-hero-583459

The religious authorities became aware of what they considered an inappropriate association with a married woman....Destroying Trust In Rabbis Brick by Brick...

Dayan Abraham's departure has been a 'shameful episode', says Chief Rabbi

Sunday Keynote - Brick By Brick, Rebuilding the Beit Hamikdash Today Dayan Abraham from Agudah Israel of Illinois on Vimeo.

Ephraim Mirvis has written to community rabbis saying the resignation has 'shaken us to the core'

The Chief Rabbi Ephraim Mirvis has referred to the sudden departure of Dayan Yonason Abraham from the London Beth Din last week as a “shameful episode” and a “painful ordeal”.

The dayan left the Beth Din and his synagogue Toras Chaim in Hendon last week. The JC understands that this was after the religious authorities became aware of what they considered an inappropriate association with a married woman.

Without referring to the reason for his exit, the Chief Rabbi wrote to rabbis today to say: “To have discovered that one of our dayanim had, in his own words, ‘fallen short of the standards expected’ of him, has shaken us to the core.

“When one of us fails in this manner, we are all greatly diminished. A Beth Din must be unimpeachable in its embodiment of Torah values - anything less is entirely unacceptable.”

He said it was for that reason that he, the Beth Din head Dayan Menachem Gelley and the United Synagogue had dealt with the matter “so swiftly” last week.

Rabbis were told of Dayan Abraham’s departure last week in a short memo on Wednesday which gave no further explanation.

“This shameful episode has been met by many with disbelief and has caused great pain,” the Chief Rabbi wrote. “In addition, there are innocent family members who have been directly affected and whose lives have been devastated by it.  As a community, we have a responsibility to look after them, to respect their privacy and to offer appropriate support.”

He said he had “great faith in the capacity of our wonderful community to come through this painful ordeal, strengthened by one another and ever more aware of our privilege to lead a life of Torah and kedushah (holiness)."

Rabbi Mirvis has arranged a meeting for rebbetzins on Sunday and for rabbis on Monday to offer divrei chizuk (words of strength).

https://www.thejc.com/news/uk-news/dayan-abraham-s-departure-has-been-a-shameful-episode-says-chief-rabbi-1.481432?fbclid=IwAR2XK5OJjRQvyErSBTbKeEdTAfxZXC8UUkKDJinmFHDVsr23hitQuFe44aI

Leifer is a former girls schools principal who stands officially accused on more than 74 counts of molestation of girls from Australia in Australia, and unofficially of many more girls in Israel and Australia.

MALKA LEIFER IN COURT

Litzman, Leifer and the rabbis against justice 

 

The alleged pedophile should be extradited so her accusers can seek justice in a fair trial and her potential victims can stay safe

Ellie Sapper, Nicole Meyer, and Dassi Erlich, in Jerusalem

In November 2018, I sat with Elly Sapper, Dassi Erlich and Nicole Meyer, the three sisters from Australia who have been working for years to bring their alleged sexual abuser, Malka Leifer, to justice. They were in Israel to try and pressure a justice system that they knew was being manipulated, even if they didn’t know by whom.
 
We sat there discussing possible culprits. Health Minister Yaakov Litzman was at the head of the list, along with a number of other rabbinic leaders in the Haredi world. As it turns out, we were right. It became clear this past month that numerous rabbis have been working to prevent Leifer’s extradition.
 

Who Is Malka Leifer?

Leifer is a former girls schools principal who stands officially accused on more than 74 counts of molestation of girls from Australia in Australia, and unofficially of many more girls in Israel and Australia.

She headed the ultra-Orthodox Adass Israel girls’ school in Melbourne from 2003 to 2008, with some saying she moved to Australia to begin with because of accusations of abuse in Israel. 

When allegations began to emerge in Australia that she had sexually abused between eight and 15 of her students, a plan hatched by the school’s administration had Leifer on a plane back to Israel.

Australia officially filed an extradition request in 2012, yet Leifer was first taken into custody in Israel in 2014, and later released to house arrest.  She evaded justice here in Israel with delays and claims of ill health. Most recently, in June 2016, testimony from a state-appointed psychiatrist claimed that Leifer was unfit to stand trial. This led to a Jerusalem District Court halting extradition efforts, citing a law that permits stopping proceedings when a defendant is deemed unfit to stand trial.

Many doubted the mental health declaration and indeed, a private investigation run by Jewish Community Watch, a US-based group, tracked Leifer and showed conclusively that she was indeed mentally fit. As a result, she was re-arrested last February. 

Who Is Helping Malka Leifer?

The following figures of the Haredi world are supporting the alleged abuser, some behind the scenes, some in the open.

Health Minister Rabbi Yaakov Litzman of United Torah Judaism: After a months-long undercover operation, the police questioned Litzman on suspicion of pressuring a court psychiatrist to falsify his psychiatric report that prevented Leifer’s extradition on medical grounds. Police supposedly have recordings of Litzman and officials speaking to Health Ministry employees and pressing them to act on Leifer’s behalf.

Rabbi Menachem Mendel Shafran of Bnei Brak: Shafran came to court to support Leifer and gave his blessing to have Leifer put under house arrest at the home of girls’ school principals. 

Rabbi Yitzchak Dovid Grossman of Migdal Ohr: testified on her behalf and offered to house Leifer until he came under tremendous fire from supporters of his network of programs for orphans.

Rabbi Yosef Direnfeld of the Belz community in Ashdod:  Direnfeld put out a heartfelt plea call for donations to “save” Leifer. “An important woman, the daughter of the great and the righteous… has been imprisoned for a long time under harsh and cruel conditions… for the purpose of extraditing her to a gentile state.”

Why Are Rabbis Helping Malka Leifer?

Support for Leifer is being deemed “Pidyon Shvuim” — a serious commandment of redeeming captives that effectively created a moral imperative to save young Jews enslaved by the Romans, held by the Spanish Inquisition, in the Russian Gulag or even modern day Iran, but would be hard to apply to this case of an accused pedophile being extradited to a democratic country to face her accusers in a fair trial. 

And those of us with knowledge of Jewish history might be tempted to sympathize — IF these Hasidic leaders showed any attempt at safeguarding children from Leifer by ensuring that she be prevented from access to them.

Note: It is important that Leifer’s protectors are Hasidic. Because Hasidic communities are predominantly insular, they often have their own rules. Each sect is run according to the word of its Rebbe. What he says, goes.  If the Rebbe says to exclude children from school, they are excluded. If he says shun this woman for asking for a divorce, she is shunned, and if he says raise money for a woman who is righteous and being persecuted unfairly, the Hasidim raise money. This can also work to the benefit of the community, rallying around those in need, but only if the rebbe chooses.

Had the Rebbes decided to shun Leifer and protect their community- they could have done so. It is within their power. But, instead, they chose to protect Leifer, and in so doing dismissed the sisters and their claims of child sexual abuse.

The Response to the Sisters

In January, when the sisters were in Israel, they were at the Knesset to drum up support for extradition with lawmakers. MK Yehuda Glick was their guide through the hallways, and when their paths crossed with that of MK Litzman, Glick introduced them. It seemed providential, since Litzman had repeatedly refused the sisters’ requests to meet with them. Until he exclaimed: “I want nothing to do with this! I’ve heard the other side of the story. I will not support the extradition!” The women maintain that he did tell them he would “not interfere with the extradition either.” which, according to police and their recordings, was a boldfaced lie.  

And last week, here again for another hearing on Leifer’s health and possible extradition, they met with Rabbi Shafran. In a heartbreaking Facebook post, Dassi Erlich described their meeting. They asked the rabbi why he supported Leifer. Shafran replied: 

“It’s my duty as a rabbi to support a fellow Jew”.

When asked why Leifer’s Jewishness deserved his sympathy over their own, he refused to answer them. Instead, he explained the importance of supporting the underdog — in this case, he estimated, the alleged abuser. The girls were left deeply pained by this meeting.

I am not a Hasid, and do not live in the Hasidic world. Yet, I and others in the broader community are left asking how rabbis, supposed caretakers of our physical and spiritual well being, trade the freedom of one alleged abuser for the well being and safety of her victims, and the many more children to whom she has access.

The safety of the community’s own children has been disregarded in the rabbis’ push for Leifer’s protection. Indeed, according to parents in Immanuel, the town that offered her shelter and its trust largely based on the support of these rabbis, she has done it again.

Public Benefit or Public Harm? 

Litzman, in his only public statement since the accusations against him, claimed to be working for the public’s benefit and according to the law.  What public and whose law??

This battle to protect an alleged abuser proclaims to all abusers that they can find a safe haven among the Hasidim in Israel. It is an painful declaration to all victims, letting them know they will not be believed nor protected. 

What Can the Concerned Public do?

It is clear to me that the right thing to do is extradite Leifer to Australia so that her alleged victims can seek justice in a fair trial, and to caution every abuser and anyone thinking of abusing children that the Jewish community will not allow our children to be harmed — not even if it means facing a non-Jewish court.

Our children must mean this much.

 The demand was that Leifer be extradited, and our protest is that the abuse of children and the protection of their abusers will not be tolerated.

Follow the sisters’ journey and offer them your support.

https://blogs.timesofisrael.com/litzman-leifer-and-the-rabbis-against-justice/?utm_source=The+Blogs+Weekly+Highlights&utm_campaign=blogs-weekly-highlights-2019-03-14&utm_medium=email

As much as we would like to believe otherwise, clergy abuse of women is a reality in the Jewish community, as it is in many other religious and spiritual communities.

Don’t Call It an Affair: The Truth about Clergy Abuse

“Although clergy of any denomination can sexually exploit children, teens, men, or women, many experts estimate that over 95% of victims of sexual exploitation by clergy are adult women.”  — The Silent Majority: Adult Victims of Sexual Exploitation by Clergy
 
As much as we would like to believe otherwise, clergy abuse of women is a reality in the Jewish community, as it is in many other religious and spiritual communities. Consider the following representative examples: 

Rabbi Robert Kirschner resigned from his position at Congregation Emanu-El in San Francisco in 1992 after several women reported him for sexual misconduct. Nearly five years later, he admitted to his actions and apologized.

Rabbi Sheldon Zimmerman was suspended from the Central Conference of American Rabbis in 2000 for violating “sexual ethics and sexual boundaries” in “personal relationships” and resigned his position as president of the Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institute of Religion.

Rabbi Mordecai Tendler was expelled from the Rabbinical Council of America in 2005 over reports that he “engaged in sexual affairs with several women, among them women who had come to him for rabbinic counseling.” He proclaimed his innocence, but a number of his colleagues did not find his claims credible.

Rabbi Mordechai Gafni was fired from Bayit Chadash, a Tel Aviv-based spiritual community, in 2006 “amid allegations of sexual misconduct and exploitation of employee-employer relations” and after many years of reports of sexual misconduct by multiple women. Reb Zalman Schachter-Shalomi revoked his rabbinical ordination.

Rabbi Erik Siroka was expelled from the Central Conference of American Rabbis in 2014 after a woman lodged a sexual misconduct complaint against him when he was employed by a synagogue in South Bend, Indiana. Three other women say that they were “sexually harassed or had an inappropriate relationship with Siroka” between 2000 and 2015.

And just this year, Rabbi Larry Bach of Judea Reform in Raleigh-Durham, NC resigned after being censured for having a sexual relationship with a woman who attended his synagogue. He was suspended from the Central Conference of American Rabbis this past August, after having been privately reprimanded in the past for similar behavior. He asked for the forgiveness of his congregation.

For over 20 years, concerned parties have been talking and writing about the issue of rabbinic abuse of women. And yet, for all of the publicity that surrounds these kinds of cases, having a conversation about rabbinic abuse remains difficult.

Part of the reason is the fear and shame that adult victims suffer, making them hesitant to talk about what happened to them. Part of the reason is the scapegoating that they encounter when they do disclose.

And part of the reason derives from confusion over how we define clergy sexual abuse itself. Of course, sexual violence by a clergy person is always abuse, but not all clergy abuse involves physical coercion. Indeed, to family, friends, and community, the abuse may look simply like a case of the rabbi and the congregant having an “affair.”

But labeling sexual contact between a rabbi and a congregant an “affair” hides the abusive nature of the relationship. An “affair” suggests activity between equal partners. Because the rabbi occupies a position of authority over a congregant, such an equal partnership is not possible. Given the tremendous difference in power between the two parties, a sexual relationship between a rabbi and a congregant is always an abuse of power.

A rabbi wields the power of his authority in a variety of ways:

Spiritual. It goes without saying that rabbis are considered the spiritual leaders of their communities. Congregants go to their rabbis regarding a wide variety of personal concerns, and they entrust them with their vulnerabilities. In return, they expect their rabbis to guide them with wisdom and sensitivity.

Moral. Most congregants look up to their rabbis as the moral compass for their communities. They expect their rabbis to behave in ethical ways, and they assume that their rabbis will do so.

Professional. As Patricia Liberty, the Executive Director of Associates in Education and Prevention in Pastoral Practice in North Kingston, Rhode Island points out, clergy people occupy a professional role, bringing greater knowledge and skill to the table than congregants. Rabbis are hired because they have been trained in ways that exceed the learning of their congregants, and they occupy a role of professional leadership, with all the power and respect that role commands.

Emotional. As Mark Scheffers, M.Div., M.S.W. at the Child Trauma Assessment Center at Western Michigan University notes, it is common for congregants to idealize and to feel emotionally attached to their clergy people.

It is not an exaggeration to say that most rabbis, like most clergy people, are beloved by the people in their communities. Brian Leggiere, a clinical psychologist who works with abuse survivors in the Orthodox community says, “We imbue our leaders with a great sense of kavod, respect, and usually it’s deserved…but when you have a community that over-idealizes [its leaders at times,] that’s a recipe that allows abuse to occur.”

Social. In order to maintain the cohesion of their communities, congregants look to their rabbis as the focal point of their loyalty and as linchpins of congregational stability.

When a rabbi uses his power in a way that serves himself rather than his congregant, the victim undergoes a confusing and traumatic experience. Whether he takes advantage of his congregant’s vulnerability in a counseling session, her emotional attachment to him as her rabbi, or the respect that others have for him as a leader, he betrays his congregant’s trust. Rabbi Arthur Gross Schaeffer, a law professor who has written extensively about rabbinic misconduct writes, “We should appreciate that survivors of rabbi sexual boundary violations have experienced significant and long lasting trauma. Similar to victims of sexual abuse by a therapist, victims of clergy sexual misconduct experience a deception of a trusted relationship.”

The power differential between rabbi and congregant becomes especially clear when the clergy abuse comes to light. Congregants commonly react by denying the abuse, scapegoating the victim, and defending the rabbi. A rabbi who allows a congregation to blame a victim in order to protect himself is continuing to abuse his power. A community that participates in this kind of scapegoating becomes complicit in this abuse.

Why do community members become complicit?

In cases of clergy abuse, most congregants experience a cognitive dissonance between their previous beliefs about the rabbi’s trustworthiness and new information about what the rabbi has done.

On the one hand, they believe in the spiritual authority, moral example, and professional leadership of their rabbi, and they are attached to him as a beloved figure. On the other hand, they must come to terms with the fact that the rabbi may have spiritually manipulated a congregant, broken professional boundaries, and caused harm to a vulnerable person.

Cognitive psychologist Art Markman writes that, in cases of clergy abuse, many people resolve the tension of this cognitive dissonance by supporting the clergy person and blaming the victim because “the belief that clergy are good and powerful is so strong that it is easier for many people…to try to resolve this dissonance by denigrating the people who come forward.”

Thus, congregants commonly err on the side of maintaining their idealized view of their rabbi. As a result, they will deny that the rabbi did anything wrong and blame the victim for the rabbi’s actions. Rabbi Gross Schaefer notes, “No one wants to hear that a beloved clergy person has acted inappropriately. Other rabbis, either within the institution or outside, keep their distance and their mouths closed. And other institutional members usually shun, and begin blaming, the victim.”
Professor Diana Garland, Dean of the Baylor University School of Social Work, discovered similar patterns in her 2009 cross-denominational work on clergy sexual misconduct and described the resulting impact on victims in these succinct terms: “Victims were ‘hurt’ by a religious leader, but they were ‘destroyed’ by the congregation.”

Given a rabbi’s power and authority in a community, any relationship between a rabbi and a congregant is, by its nature, an abuse of power. It is never an “affair.” It cannot be a relationship of equals. To deny the abuse and to blame the victim only revictimizes the very people who need our support.

We must do better — not only for the healing of those who have already been victimized, but for the safety of us all.

https://blogs.timesofisrael.com/dont-call-it-an-affair-the-truth-about-clergy-abuse/?fbclid=IwAR2jHl3RFFaZJO6OikZ6hvOMZOAiXkP5aQihTGIB2NvnW86lNYBpndL9igk

Jewish Parents ...Chosen Ones... Light Unto Nations --- If Your Kids Get Sexually Abused or Gets Sick ---- PLEASE GO TO YOUR RABBIS!

Facing Measles Outbreak, N.Y. Lawmakers Want to Let Teenagers Get Vaccines on Their Own

 

If passed and signed into law, the bill would make New York part of a group of states — including Oregon, South Carolina and Pennsylvania — that allow minors to ask for vaccinations without parental approval.



A measles outbreak occurred at Yeshiva Kehilath Yakov in Brooklyn, New York after an unvaccinated child went to school.


ALBANY — After a measles outbreak in Brooklyn and Rockland County and amid growing concerns about the anti-vaccine movement, a pair of state legislators are proposing allowing minors to receive vaccinations without permission from their parents.


The bill would allow any child 14 years or older to be vaccinated and given booster shots for a range of diseases including mumps, diphtheria, whooping cough, tetanus, influenza, hepatitis B and measles, which seemed to be the primary reason for alarm after the recent outbreaks.


“We are on the verge of a public health crisis,” said one of the bill’s sponsors, Assemblywoman Patricia Fahy, a Democrat from Albany, citing lower-than-recommended inoculation rates in some communities, spurred by unconfirmed suspicions about vaccines causing autism. “We’ve become complacent over the last couple of decades.”


That sentiment was amplified recently by the likes of the World Health Organization, which listed “vaccine hesitancy,” as one of the Top 10 global threats. In Rockland County, officials are reporting 145 confirmed cases of measles, with the vast majority of those afflicted aged 18 and under. Of those, four out of five have received no vaccinations for measles, mumps and rubella.





City health officials have also reported more than 100 cases of measles in Brooklyn, and a single case in Queens as well. As in Rockland County, most of those cases involved members of the Orthodox Jewish communities where vaccination rates typically lag well behind the norm.


[One Student Was Not Vaccinated Against Measles. 21 Others Got Sick.]


If passed and signed into law, the bill would make New York part of a group of states — ranging from liberal Oregon to conservative South Carolina — that allow minors to ask for vaccinations without parental approval, though some states also require minors to be evaluated to determine if they are mature enough to make such a decision. The New York bill would not require such an evaluation.


Even more states, including New York, allow minors to seek out health care services on issues like substance abuse, mental health issues or reproductive health services.


The introduction of the bill came just days after dramatic Congressional testimony from an Ohio teenager, Ethan Lindenberger, who defied his mother’s wishes and got vaccinated after he became convinced that she had fallen prey to online conspiracy theories about the dangers of vaccines. Multiple studies have debunked such theories, including a major European report issued last week, which showed that the measles, mumps and rubella vaccination does not increase the risk for autism.


On Monday, the New York chapters of the American Academy of Pediatrics came out in favor of the bill, saying it comported with a longstanding idea known as the “mature minor” exception to parental consent as well as a more recent realization that young people are better at recognizing false online reports.


“Young people are often more conscious about the misinformation on the internet and can in many cases disagree with parents who have bought into unfounded and dangerous anti-immunization diatribes and pseudoscience,” said a memo from the organization in support of the bill. “These young people have a right to protect themselves.”


Highly contagious, measles can contribute to a range of serious health complications, particularly in children, including pneumonia and swelling of the brain. It can also be fatal in rare cases. The measles vaccine came into use in the 1960s and the disease was declared eradicated in the United States in 2000.


Most states allow religious exemptions to vaccination requirements, but some states have pushed back on such exemptions, including California, which barred them in 2015 after a measles outbreak and eroding rates of vaccination. Democratic lawmakers in Albany have also introduced a bill to eliminate religious exemptions, though it is not clear whether it will receive a vote.


Nationwide, vaccination rates for measles, mumps and rubella are still above 90 percent, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, though the numbers are down incrementally from two decades ago. But as evidenced in Rockland County, some communities are practically uninoculated.


State Senator Liz Krueger, a Manhattan Democrat who is sponsoring the bill in Albany’s upper chamber, said that the bill would address not only minors put at risk by their parents’ prejudices against vaccines but also those without engaged adults in their lives.




“You’re talking about a pretty heavy level of maturity if you’re saying, ‘I want to get vaccinated even though I can’t get any adults in my family to understand why this is important,’” she said.


Ms. Fahy said she was “very sensitive to the rights of parents” to oversee their children’s health care but felt that the broader public health concerns were overwhelming.


“It’s not just the individual who is at risk when they are not immunized,” she said. “You are putting other people at risk.”


https://www.nytimes.com/2019/03/11/nyregion/measles-vaccination-laws-ny.html

This Post Serves The Two Types Of Jewish Communities - The Ones That Can Read and The Ones Who Can't! For the Can'ts, Click The Link At The End To Watch The Cartoon!

Measles and Polio set out on an adventure to infect someone after the C.D.C. considers measles eradicated in the United States. Polio teaches Measles how several logical fallacies prevent many people from taking the vaccine, and that there is always a hope of going viral.

Measles Is Making a Comeback. Here’s How to Stop It.

Lawmakers and social media platforms each have a role to play in fighting back.

The cartoon from Times Opinion tells the story of an infectious disease named Measles. Lucky for her, there are many adults who doubt the scientific evidence that supports vaccination.

Measles, a virus that invades the nose and throat, causing fever, cough and phlegm, is one of the most contagious pathogens on the planet. Before 1963, it infected some four million people every year in the United States alone. Nearly 50,000 of them would land in the hospital with complications like severe diarrhea, pneumonia and brain inflammation that sometimes resulted in lifelong disability. Of the 500 or so patients who died from these complications each year, most were children younger than 5.

Until recently, those numbers were a matter of history. The measles vaccine, which was introduced to the United States in 1963, drove the annual case count from four million to zero inside of four decades. Measles was officially eradicated in America in 2000 and was largely wiped from our collective memory soon after.

But in the shadow of that memory lapse, a different virus has spread: anti-vaccine propaganda and vaccine misinformation. Both have persuaded a small but growing number of parents that vaccines designed to inoculate against infectious diseases pose a greater health risk than the diseases themselves. As a result, these parents are skipping crucial shots for their children. And as the number of unvaccinated children grows, some vaccine-preventable diseases are making a comeback.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has logged at least six measles outbreaks so far this year, across five states, involving more than 100 patients. In recent weeks, as those numbers have ticked upward, both houses of Congress have held hearings to discuss the issue, while more states have considered limiting vaccine exemptions for school-age children and several prominent social media platforms have pledged to block anti-vaccine propaganda and vaccine misinformation from their sites.

For a while, it was easy to dismiss the nation’s anti-vaccine contingent. The vast majority of Americans still recognize vaccines as a crucial element of personal and public health. Some 92 percent of vaccine-eligible people in the United States have been inoculated against measles, and nearly as many have had shots to protect against the other vaccine-preventable diseases, including diphtheria, tetanus and pertussis.

But the new rash of outbreaks has made clear that even small pockets of vaccine hesitancy and refusal can have grave consequences. And health officials say that if left unchecked, this outbreak crisis will only worsen.

The steps taken in recent weeks mark a good start to addressing a problem that can no longer be ignored. But much more is still needed:

Funding

Every dollar spent on childhood immunization saves between $10 and $16 in future costs to the health care system. Yet funding for the federal immunization grant program, part of the Public Health Service Act, has been relatively flat for a decade. The Pandemic and All-Hazards Preparedness Act, which includes funding to help states respond to public health emergencies, has lapsed and is awaiting reauthorization. And the C.D.C., the nation’s leading public health agency, is in urgent need of a budget increase. For health officials to combat current outbreaks and prevent future ones, all of these programs will need more money.

Cooperation

Pinterest, YouTube and Facebook have made a good start in acknowledging the problem of vaccine misinformation on their platforms, and they’ve all taken at least some steps to address it. Pinterest has restricted vaccine search results, YouTube has barred anti-vaccine channels from running advertisements and Facebook has said that it will no longer allow anti-vaccine advertisements on its pages. Other sites — like Google, Amazon and Twitter  — should follow these examples, and all social media platforms should consider having scientists vet vaccine content for accuracy.

A partnership between federal agencies and private internet behemoths — to better understand and more quickly dismantle the anti-vaccine movement — also would help. As Vox points out, this movement has an outsize media footprint and an impressive lobbying arm; it will take more than a few websites acting independently to defeat it.

Leadership

As health care workers struggle to persuade wary parents that vaccines are safe, elected officials who understand the importance of this work ought to stop undermining it. In one recent congressional hearing, Senator Rand Paul, a medical doctor, acknowledged that the benefits of vaccines far outweigh the risks. But instead of taking a stand for vaccination mandates, he warned of sacrificing “liberty for a false sense of security.” Such statements — and the lax exemption policies that Mr. Paul and several of his colleagues support — might please some voters, but they will not nudge diseases like measles back into history.

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/03/11/opinion/measles-outbreak-vaccines.html?action=click&module=Well&pgtype=Homepage&section=Editorials

Jews on Trembling Knees! How can anything be extremist when the facts are staring you in the face?

How often can we bury Kahane?

The same people who are fine with ANYBODY getting into our Congress here, their Knesset there, are horrified at what they see as the second-coming of Kahane in Israel.

(Yossi Klein Halevi, in his “Memoirs of a Jewish Extremist,” recalls a 1971 talk by Kahane in New York: The “Nice Irvings” say, “‘Violence is unJewish! The Bible says so!’ In the Bible, Kahane pointed out, “we find the story of a man named Moses who saw an Egyptian beating a Jew. And what did Moses do? Set up a committee to investigate the root causes of Egyptian anti-Semitism? The Bible says, ‘And he smote the Egyptian.’”) PM

  by Jack Engelhard

Well, that was close. A political party that was marginally associated with Rabbi Meir Kahane has been okayed to run for a seat in the Knesset come the April Elections.

No chance at all if Kahane himself were running for a seat in US Congress where, in the House, today’s Democrats run a show that he saw coming. Yes, he did. Clearly, he did.

He’d be justified to exclaim, “Told you so.”

He’d surely be upset at young Democrats who parade on Fox News one after another and keep saying, “I can understand Ilhan Omar – and I’m Jewish.” (I am merely nauseated.)

More on that in a moment, as meanwhile back in Israel…

By a vote 16 to 15, Israel’s Central Elections Committee headed off an attempt to disqualify Otzma Yehudit and its leader, Michael Ben-Ari.

Nail-biter, and all because of Kahane, who was murdered Nov.1990 by an Arab in Manhattan…but remains a symbol of Right-Wing extremism according to Left-Wing extremists.

By which I mean that the same people who are fine with ANYBODY getting into our Congress here, their Knesset there, are horrified at the second-coming of Kahane. Amid the chaotic politicking of the moment, this has sparked the most heated exchanges, and even so-called Jewish-American leaders have called on Otzma Yehudit to be stopped.

I cannot say they are Leftists because I do not know them. But I can call them Jews on trembling knees. This, Kahane was not. Hence, the situation.

The name Kahane, in case you are new to this, causes some people to break out in a rash. Think of the Gong Show. Say the “secret word” a buzzer goes off and you get bonged.

Kahane is that secret word.

In fact, one of my readers was worried that if I went ahead with a column like this, I would get bonged.

“Just don’t use the word Kahane in the headline,” he trembled.

But there is no other word for Kahane. He came. He saw, and like Ezra returning from Babylon, he was worried that all those concessions were defiling the rejuvenated Israel.

He was a purist, He wanted to get things fixed through Torah as he saw Torah. He was a man on a mission, a man with a plan. Some other time for the details, but let’s just say that for Kahane, expulsion would never be for the Jews, only the Arabs, particularly those who screamed and committed bloody murder. So?

So, for that he was declared overly zealous, unfit for Israel and termed persona non-grata. In my innocence, however, he was just a messenger with a difference of opinion – so why the hysteria? I still don’t get it, and didn’t get it when I was in Israel and warned that in certain places it is best not to say the secret word.

Was he too uncompromising?

They say yes. I say I don’t know. But I will say this – I’d rather be on the side of the Right when they get it wrong. When the Left gets it wrong the price is too often too terrible.

Was he so wrong? Did he foresee the disastrous 1993 Oslo Accords? Seems to me he did, likewise the expulsion of Jews from Gaza in 2005, which has done Israel nothing but harm, and likewise the politics of this moment where, for the April elections, we find certain parties ready to decree more expulsions of Israelis to give up more land to the Arabs.

If to some he was prophetic, to the authorities he was a hothead, but if you ask me, he was clairvoyantly on target with his message of Aliya. Taking a page, perhaps, from Jabotinsky, who warned the Jews to vacate Europe before Europe vacates you – Kahane summoned American Jews to pack up and go.

Why the rush?

Today’s headlines…today’s Ilhan Omar…today’s Democrat Party that needs arm-twisting to get the votes to deplore anti-Semitism…ought to justify him for his concern that evil days are coming. Like this it goes for today’s Sharia/Jihad infested Democrats – “Yes, we condemn anti-Semitism, BUT.”

They will go on to equate Islamophobia with anti-Semitism. Nice try. But six million Muslims were not murdered 75 years ago. Six Million Jews were. Where’s the symmetry?

We are not as safe was we thought even in America. Who imagined this? Kahane did.

“There you go again,” I can hear my friend saying.

Kahane’s “Dear World” was his “Howl,” written powerfully, Isaiah-style, as a warning for Jews to get their act together against a world without pity…before, once again, it’s too late.

How can anything be extremist when the facts are staring you in the face?

http://www.israelnationalnews.com/Articles/Article.aspx/23557

Religious Terrorism by Another Name!

Is That a Sandwich in Your Bag?

The High Court of Justice is right - setting up separate areas in hospitals for those wanting to eat food that isn't kosher for Passover is a disproportionate, humiliating and unfeasible solution 

Hadassah University Hospital, Ein Karem, in Jerusalem

The High Court of Justice did well this week when it criticized the state’s proposal to set up areas outside hospital buildings where hametz – food that isn’t kosher for Passover – could be eaten during the holiday. 

Justices Neal Hendel, Uzi Vogelman and Ofer Grosskopf issued an interim order demanding that the state (albeit after this coming Passover), explain why any food, including hametz, can’t be brought into hospitals during the holiday, and that it instruct the hospitals to find a different, proportionate way to maintain kashrut during the holiday – for example, by using disposable plates and cutlery. The state was also asked to explain why hospital security guards need to be involved in enforcing kashrut regulations. 

“Hametz areas,” essentially pens for secular and non-Jewish people, which the state wants to set up at the hospitals during Passover to preserve their kashrut, is a disproportionate, humiliating and in any case unfeasible solution. How can a hospital insist that bedridden patients who want food from home go to a hametz area outside the building? The state’s demand that the hospitals position a guard at the entrances who will be authorized to go through people’s belongings not just to check for weapons, but also to confiscate sandwiches to avoid the dreaded hametz terror, is ridiculous and exceeds the hospitals’ legal authority. 

Attorney Yair Nehorai, who represents the Secular Forum, which filed the petition against the hospitals’ no-hametz policy, argued that the law does not give the hospitals the authority to prevent the entrance of non-kosher food, and that their executives have no right to prevent anyone from eating what they please. “How do you enforce this, when more than half the country doesn’t want kosher food? Guards will find an older woman, a mother bringing food to her child, and what will they do to her? File an indictment against her?” 

Attorney Sausan Zahar of the Adalah – Legal Center for Arab Minority Rights in Israel argued, “It’s inconceivable that there would be a policy that prevents that Arab mother or father who wants to bring food to their relatives from bringing their natural food to a place where those same people are in their weakest possible state.” She added, “We aren’t asking to mix our food with the hospital food. 

We are asking to bring food by ourselves, for ourselves, in our own utensils.” 

This marks a quantum leap in religious coercion of individuals by the state, which undermines the individual liberty of secular Jewish and Arab patients and employees, as well as the rights and dignity of the patients. The State of Israel is taking giant steps in a dangerous direction, from a secular state that is committed to religious freedom toward a theocracy. 

Israel is not a halakhic state, and its institutions may not trample on individual rights. It would behoove the state to listen to the High Court justices and adopt the proposed solution to use disposable tableware on Passover, which is a balanced and proportionate solution.  

https://www.haaretz.com/opinion/editorial/is-that-a-sandwich-in-your-bag-1.6999757?fbclid=IwAR1n-trmiWhiDWqUrGwOeHVZX3VFnGHv0GPj3Us_5qkUhhQRFXl0GjiaIm8

“They tried to kill us. They’re gone. We’re still here. Let’s eat.”

On Sunday, a float rolled down the streets of Aalst, a Belgian town, for carnival. It featured two grotesque caricatures of Hasidic Jews, hooked noses, hands reaching out for money, and a rat sitting on money bags. That’s 2019. A second float, pictured above—in Marburg, Germany, in 1936—featured celebrants dressed as Orthodox Jews. The only real difference is that the former was more elaborately and professionally executed, and if anything more grotesque.

Anti-Semitism, or, to speak more plainly, Jew hatred, is the animus that never dies. Like some malignant virus, it always lies dormant, ready to wake. Like other viruses, it may be, at various times, more or less virulent, more or less lethal. There probably will not be a massacre of Jews in Belgium in the next few years. What happened a few years after the float rolled down the streets of Marburg requires no elaboration.

In the wake of the Holocaust, the deliberate killing of Jewish, non-Israeli civilians is usually condemned across the political spectrum (butcheries of Israeli civilians being often excused as an understandable expression of Palestinian frustration). But those are easy sentiments, because it costs nothing to sympathize with dead Jews as opposed to standing up for live ones. The virus survives.

Some physical threats persist. A young male Jew wearing a yarmulke in the cities of so-tolerant Scandinavia (Malmö, for example), or even on some of the streets of Paris in laicized France, risks a beating or worse. And sometimes terrorists of the left or right decide to shoot up a supermarket, a community center, or a synagogue. When they do, the press usually describes them as lunatics rather than ideologues. After the bodies have been taken to the morgue and the blood has been mopped up, it is easier to rationalize the murders that way.

But in the West, no one is going to massacre Jews or send them to concentration camps. Other parts of the world—the Arab world most notably—have been subject to such thorough ethnic cleansing in the recent past that there are no Jews left to pummel or kill. To be sure, that does not stop virulent anti-Semitism without Jews, a phenomenon noted in Poland under communism in its later stages, and present today in countries such as Pakistan, whose press prints cartoons indistinguishable from those in the Nazi broadsheets of nearly a century back.

Social anti-Semitism, the kind permissible in polite society, continues. But even that has changed. Once upon a time, it was a kind of establishment or upper-crust disdain for pushy newcomers, the sons and daughters of immigrants on the make. Sometimes it was subtly expressed. “Well, there goes your Semite, Hugh. A different god, a different mountaintop,” said John Gielgud in Chariots of Fire, a movie about the 1924 Olympics. In the 20th century, it was usually just doors firmly shut at clubs and universities. Why were so many hospitals with names such as Beth Israel founded in the early 20th century? In part, to give Jewish doctors a place to practice the healing arts. But social anti-Semitism, in the sense of nonviolent Jew baiting, still exists in the West, even if some posh columnists for prestige publications on the left or right are more likely to drizzle their venom on “neoconservatives” than on “hawkish foreign-policy Jews.”

Its ugliest forms have been most clearly on display in Britain of late, where the leader of the Labour Party refuses to acknowledge, and certainly act against, the persecution of Jewish members of his own party, a number of whose parliamentary members have now quit in disgust. Jeremy Corbyn’s friendship with terrorist groups, his willingness to pose near or under anti-Semitic caricatures, and his failure to do anything to suppress the vile attacks on fellow leftists who happen to be Jews are, at the moment, unique in liberal democracies. But other leaders in democracies or quasi-democracies play with Jew hatred: Why else does Viktor Orbán so insistently invoke the image of George Soros, a bogeyman that some American white nationalists have similarly summoned up? Jew hatred is of both left and right.

In the United States, anti-Semitism has taken many forms—whether it is nominally respectable professors insisting that a vast Israel Lobby controls American foreign policy, or clueless congressional representatives accusing American Jews of dual loyalties, or others speculating about diabolical financiers dominating the 2018 midterms. In each case, the unique feature of this kind of Jew hatred is the wild, aggrieved indignation that results when it is called out or rebuked.

And that takes us to the essence of anti-Semitism. It is not merely “the socialism of fools,” as the German social democrat August Bebel famously put it at the turn of the 20th century. It is a confession of weakness and fear, a belief in occult forces that explain why you or your group has failed in some way—whether it is in securing a foreign policy guided by realpolitik or justice for a group you feel for, or a lost election, or the fact that the bond markets occasionally go against you. Anti-Semitism is, in short, the religion of people too lazy to accept the complexity of reality, who hunger for enemies whose power excuses their own deficiencies, and who cannot take responsibility for why their side has not won. That is why it can be wildly contradictory: The Jews are either rootless globalist bankers or the agents of a tiny nation-state; they are either religious fanatics out to do in followers of the Prophet (in the old days, Christ killers) or godless atheists, the instruments either of bloody reaction or of no-less-bloody revolution. Either way, it is a creed for losers.

For some period of time after the Holocaust, once Americans and Europeans could bring themselves to acknowledge what had happened, open Jew hatred went into retreat. That has changed. In the form of Israel hatred—to include a denial of that state’s right to exist, a complete disregard of the threats it has faced, and simple lies about what it has done—it is now acceptable in many places. But that channel of thought quickly merges into the larger sewer, because despite their protestations, Jew haters do not really distinguish between the Jewish state and the Jews of other countries. That float in Marburg, after all, had a card on it about heading to Palestine.

Anti-Semitism is out there even in the United States. In 2017, the FBI recorded more than three times as many anti-Jewish as anti-Muslim religious hate incidents, or almost 60 percent of the total. In Europe, the European Union Agency for Fundamental Rights has now published two comprehensive reports documenting the spread and worsening of anti-Semitism in Europe over the past five to 10 years.

There are some limits to how far this old hate can go. The Jewish state has mortal enemies; it also has a larger (and more effective) military than Germany does, and a fistful of nuclear weapons. The basic norms of civilized behavior in Europe and the United States have held, although what individual Jews experience may be different from what political leaders say they will tolerate. But what is particularly scary now is that Jew hatred seems to bring with it no real penalties—indeed, it feeds waves of indignation that haters can use to their advantage.

In the end, this is less of a problem for the Jews than for everybody else. The Jews are used to their enemies, and against all odds have survived them. As the saying goes, the basic story line of most Jewish holidays is, “They tried to kill us. They’re gone. We’re still here. Let’s eat.” So it will be now as well. But what the resurgent anti-Semitism of our times—and the numbers of incidents are growing—tells us is that our societies are more troubled than we think.

Confident, thoughtful, and upright people do not go in for Jew hatred; it is, rather, sick souls who do. They can be defeated only by their own: the left by the left, the right by the right, the professors by the professors, and, in the Muslim world, by Muslims. And if good people of whatever stripe choose to say nothing and do nothing, who knows where those floats will take us?

https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2019/03/belgian-carnival-float-shows-virus-anti-semitism/584251/?utm_source=fbb&fbclid=IwAR2dCvwiA1xA9Zo0yODjp-Pzolv0aDt2_fCTdzK7rTC3mvGul5bSyrAcZ18

The Housekeeper (gasp) With (Old Fashion) Traditional Jewish Values....

This is one of the most-saved, read, and shared stories on Pocket.

I spent 2 years cleaning houses. What I saw makes me never want to be rich.

 

Let me tell you something you already know: Your housekeeper spies on you.

We work alone. We get bored. What do you expect?

I worked for a company cleaning houses for two years. It was flexible. It paid well enough. I didn't think of it as a career, or identify with it; it was just what I did to get myself through college as a single mom.

At first I didn't snoop. When they set me off on my own with a white binder containing directions for each house, I just dropped my daughter off at day care and went.

I found the houses on little winding roads, the hidden keys tucked under gnomes or rugs. I parked my car where it wouldn't drip oil on their driveway, lugged my tray of supplies inside, and called to clock in, standing by picture windows overlooking the ocean, looking at the perfectly manicured lawn, the chairs around the deck, the path down to the dock, and the boat that glittered even in the rain. I cleaned, and I moved on. I had 20 clients and two or three houses a day to get to, anyway.

But after a few months, my boss told me to clean slower. (We didn't call it that, of course. We called it "more detailed.") The company had a high turnover rate, she explained, and we billed by the hour. If I cleaned houses quicker than the girl who'd replace me, clients would want to continue paying the lower rate.

So I started looking through the piles of papers instead of straightening them. I looked for secrets in the nightstands, for the story below the American dream. I searched for the stashes of empty wine bottles and peeked into medicine cabinets. I checked how many pills they'd taken in two weeks and learned which prescriptions had turned into recreations. I found pills for everything: pain, anxiety, sleeplessness, depression, impotence, allergies, high blood pressure, diabetes. There were other medications, too. My personal favorite: a topical testosterone cream.

(I had to look that one up. It offsets a lack of libido in women. You apply the cream anywhere on your body except the genitals.)

---

I named my houses.

One was the Porn House, for all the issues of Hustler in the nightstand and for the bottle of lube that sometimes sat in front of the alarm clock, illuminated by the red numbers. I had to change the sheets, of course, but I never picked any socks up off the floor. There was always something cooking in the crock pot; sometimes I'd walk in and the whole house smelled of caramelizing ham.

The wife left notes addressed to "Cleaner" under a magnet on the fridge that said We're staying together for the cat. She slept in the spare bedroom.

Next to the Porn House was the Sad House. They shared a driveway, and both had large garages and living rooms facing the ocean.

I did both houses every other Wednesday, but didn't go to the Sad House much. The owner spent a lot of time in the hospital, and so his house stayed clean, except for dust that settled on the kitchen counters and the dining room table.

His wife had died some years earlier — I guessed in the late '80s — but every trinket she'd collected remained on the windowsills, and her to-do lists remained tacked to the cork board by the desk in the kitchen.

"Get new hose."
"Fix crack in sidewalk."
"New latch for gate."

The bathroom had two sinks. Hers still had a hair dryer plugged in and hung on a hook. His side had a cup with a comb and whatever medication he took in the morning and at night — it was different every time.

Across from the sink was a wicker shelf. It had a picture of their eldest son on top of a mountain. He had a green bandana and a beard, and gave a peace sign; the photo was framed with that poem you see on bereavement cards: "Do not stand at my grave and weep. I am not there. I do not sleep." That's how it starts. I copied it down to give to a friend who'd just lost her dog.

Beside the photo were two little boxes, one made from a heavy clay, the other some kind of dark pewter. His wife's picture leaned behind the clay box. I opened them once. They had ashes, and tags and statements from the funeral home. I wondered if it comforted him to have them there, behind him, while he combed his hair.

The money my clients spent startled me. One house had a receipt for a throw blanket more expensive than my car. I vacuumed children's bedrooms bigger than my apartment. Rob's House — my picky Friday client who adored me — had $3,000 worth of television and stereo equipment just in the living room. The TV was always on. My Christmas card from him and his wife contained a $100 bonus, the highest the company had ever seen. That was around when the prescription bottles multiplied by the bathroom sink and Rob's skin took on a yellow tone.

Usually I never met my clients. I saw the lady from the Porn House after cleaning one time, at the store. She had on green hospital scrubs under a long red coat. Her short brown hair stuck out on one side, and she smoothed it while inspecting the steaks on clearance. I stood about 10 feet away from her, trying not to stare, holding cough syrup and juice for my daughter. She had no idea who I was. I knew she'd just gotten over a long sinus infection, and spat large wads of snot in the shower.

I saw the lady who used the testosterone cream at a restaurant. Her date was tall, in good shape, with fluffy blond hair. She had on high heels and too much makeup. They smiled at each other, but didn't hold hands. He'd left an overnight bag at her house that week while the kids were at their dad's. It had lube and one of those egg vibrators in it. I stood across from them at the bar, waiting for a friend, thinking how sad it must be to lose something like your libido.

After a while, I got used to the loneliness these houses held. I got used to Cigarette Lady, whose husband went out of town a lot. She kept cartons of cigarettes in a freezer in the garage. They were the long, skinny types; I don't remember the brand. A pantry off the kitchen had fat-free soups, crackers, and fat-free salad dressings. The refrigerator contained not much more than water and lettuce. A toilet in the upstairs bathroom off the kitchen always had crusted vomit under the rim.

---

My most regular client had me come twice a week for a few hours. Along with cleaning, I folded the laundry of a mother, father, and two young sons and put it away. The mother came out from her office once to pay me, and asked if I knew of any midwives in town. "I'm pregnant," she said. "I can't believe I'm telling you this; you're the first person I've told besides my husband."

We talked for a bit while I cleaned her stainless steel appliances and granite countertops in the kitchen. She wanted to try a home birth this time. I told her about mine. She hoped for a girl but didn't really care either way.

A week or two after she told me about the pregnancy, I noticed spots of blood by the toilet. She told me about the miscarriage when I left. I acted as if I didn't already know. She slouched. I wasn't sure what to say.

---

After a while I decided to take on private clients along with my work for the cleaning company. That meant doing everything from fielding the initial call of interest to scheduling a day, time, and frequency of the clean. It meant weeding out the ones who wanted me to clean in costume or naked.

I stopped snooping after that. I didn't have to. The bigger the house, the more they worked to afford it, the more prescription bottles they had. I started to see the fact that I couldn't afford to buy my daughter fancy electronics as a luxury. We went to the beach and looked for crabs under the rocks instead. We spent rainy Saturdays doing a 25-cent puzzle.

 I vowed never to have a house bigger than I could clean myself.

I soon made enough with my private clients to quit the cleaning company entirely. I lost those houses, but there were no goodbyes. I'm not sure if they noticed I'd been replaced.

Stephanie Land is a writer whose work has been featured in Mamalode magazine, the Huffington Post, and Scary Mommy. She lives in Missoula, Montana, with her two daughters and their shelter dog. Read more of her story at stepville.com. 

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/i-spent-2-years-cleaning-houses-what-i-saw-makes-me-never-want-to-be-rich