DENNIS BROWN, MA, NCACII, RAS, CSAT
Executive Director, SUBSTANCE ABUSE PROFESSIONAL (SAP)
The Ness Counseling Center, INC.8512 Whitworth Dr.Los Angeles, CA 90035 --- Organizationdbrown@thenesscenter.org
I have been working in the field of addictions Addictive Behavior for over thirty-five years, twenty of which I worked in The Chabad Residential Treatment Center. I am now Director of an Outpatient Center, The Ness Counseling Center, Inc. in West Los Angeles. A note to our readers, addictions are real and these addictions do not discriminate between, race, religion, rich or poor, male or female, they are pathologies of human behavior which none of us can claim immunity from in our subconscious or conscious state and none of us are invincible when it comes to inner workings of our daily life.
As an Addictive Specialist/Counselor with over 35 years of experience I can tell you that there are many addictions: we have substance abuse addictions, consumer addictions, physical addictions, sexual addictions and emotional addictions. They are all self reward addictions directly linked to the Reward Systems in the brain, they all in one way or another lead us to a synthetic feeling of well being.
While working in the field, I remember one mom in particular; when upon being told that her son was an alcoholic she said “thank G-D, he could have been a drug addict”. This unfortunately, is a common misconception in the Frum/secular community; the idea that one addiction is better than the other, or that one is more ‘socially’ acceptable. This thinking opens the doors for vast ill “social norms” amongst the masses, When applied to the frum community the bar is raised even higher, leading to ‘optimal denial’.
The religious community creates a vacuum of privacy and unspoken social shames that are hidden, at all cost, under the illusion that ‘addictions’ and their pathologies are problem of the secular, non-Jewish world and just don’t occur in the frum world. This denial perpetuates the cycle of abuse, forcing the victims to remain silent all in the name of avoiding an idea that when you remove all the veils of our individual scared religious communities, you are left with the belief that frum Jews walk on water? In the end, you have human beings susceptible to human behavior.
In short, suffice it to say that our community suffers from the worst symptom of any addiction, DENIAL. It is the myth that someone who gives Tzedakah and wears Tzitzit is somehow a holy individual in the community that could never do wrong, never abuse his wife or children and never sexually abuse one in the community! It is as if to say that the religious community does not ‘suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune: that somehow, we as religious Jews do not suffer from the same addictions, diseases as the secular world, that G-d made us different.
It is a hypocritical and cynical attempt to maintain a facade of perfection, when in fact that when the day is done and we close our doors we are human beings susceptible to the same thoughts and desires as the rest of the population. One of the things we seem to overlook and forget is that our religious leaders are not perfect, do not ‘walk on water’ and are prey to the same human desires as the “outside world.”
I remember when a Rebbe was caught here in California for molesting students in school, at the school meeting there was a mother who had the audacity to say that the children should be punished for ruining this Rebbe’s career. even when he clearly admitted the crime! He spent a year in jail and was supposed to register as a Sexual Offender, however he did not as there several people in the community who raised money and helped him to flee the country.
What do we say to those children, victims of these abusers, whose innocence and lives have been scared forever, to what end do we continue this synthetic cycle, if it does not put to shame those in the religious community who live a life of faith and goodness, it in fact separates the religion from the man.
Several years ago I worked with a Chabad Shaliach who was one of this same Rebbe’s victims when he had been a young student in a yeshivah in Brooklyn, New York. There were questions about him (the Rebbe) then, however all we managed to do was move him around, there was never a healthy resolution for this victim or others. So do we continue to count one life more valuable than that of another? I say not, in the world that we live inside and outside of the borders of our religious communities we have an obligation to walk the walk and talk the talk.
Even in the Sheva Mitzvot Bnei Noach the 4th commandment Prohibition of Sexual Immorality, do we not shame our very own breath of life to not see the truth of behaviors. The times are changing, the world becomes more integrated as each day passes, it is our duty to our very own belief of T’shuvah that we get out of Denial. We must embrace the sincerity of addiction so as we may find the path to recovery.
Around twenty years ago I remember a woman who had reached out to all of the agencies within reach in the Los Angeles area with he plea for help as she proclaimed that her husband was abusing her, she was told “go back home and we will investigate”. Failing to listen or protect her, her husband beat her to death. We failed her and her children.
I see the denial happening time and time again as an Addiction Specialist. As we continue to fail to meet our social responsibilities, and our human responsibilities . We neglect our most precious possessions, our children. We must stop looking at the uniforms and costumes/masks that we go through life with, we must stop looking/worrying about how we will be seen by others and must start looking at how our shameful secrets affect our children, (their neshamah’s and Yiddishkiet)
Mitzvah, you shall not worship an idol…
Mitzvah you shall pay money for any loss you cause anyone to suffer…
Mitzvah you shall have to appear before a Judge to determine your innocence…
Mitzvah you shall not lie to protect a wicked man or woman…
Mitzvah you shall not join a majority, multitude or mob to do evil…
Mitzvah you shall not corrupt justice…
Mitzvah you shall treat a stranger humanely…
We must come out of the dark, we must take our religious teaching and bring them to life…all of them…we must come to the reality that we are all human beings.
When do we say enough is enough?
15 comments:
http://www.northjersey.com/news/crime_courts/134828093_Ridgewood_Police_Blotter__December_1.html
Nov. 28: Town and Country Pharmacy reported that a man was in the pharmacy with a fraudulent prescription. Patrolman Paul Dinice arrested Solomon Weiss, 35, of Monsey, N.Y., and charged him with possession of a controlled dangerous substance (CDS), receiving stolen property, and possession of CDS by fraud. He was released pending a first appearance in Ridgewood Municipal Court.
A Pomona man has been indicted by a Rockland County grand jury on charges of robbery and assault over a shoplifting incident at a Tallman NY ShopRite supermarket, during which a store security officer was pushed through a window.
David J. Butterfield, 54, of 16 Brevoort Ave. was spotted at the ShopRite at 12:30 p.m. on Aug. 21 and a stored detective spotted him putting vacuum packed Aaron's Best brand cold cuts inside his pockets, according to District Attorney Thomas Zugibe. Butterfield was seen trying to leave the store without paying for the cold cuts and the store detective stopped him from leaving, Zugibe said.
In the process, however, Zugibe said Butterfield pushed the store detective into a large window near the exit. The detective had to be rushed to a hospital, where Zugibe said the detective needed two operations for injuries to a hand.
Butterfield is charged with second-degree robbery, fourth-degree criminal mischief and third-degree assault.
Israel National News:
"Barak: No Iran Strike – Yet
Defense Minister Ehud Barak says Israel does not currently plan to pursue a military strike on Iran's nuclear program - but might in future.
By Gavriel Queenann
First Publish: 12/1/2011, 5:47 PM
Defense Minister Ehud Barak on Thursday told Kol Yisrael radio that Israel was not planning to strike Iran's nuclear program - yet.
"We have no intention of acting for the moment... We should not engage in war when it is not necessary, but there may come a time or another when we are forced to face tests," Barak said.
"Our position has not changed on three points: a nuclear Iran is unacceptable, we are determined to stop that, and all options are on the table," he added.
Barak said he was confident that military action against Iran would not be devastating for Israel. His comments came just one day after former Mossad chief Meir Dagan warned striking Iran would have catastrophic consequences for Israel's home front.
"War is not a picnic, but if Israel is forced to act, we won't have 50,000, 5,000 or even 500 dead, so long as people stay in their homes," Barak said.
Asked about emerging differences between Jerusalem and Washington on how to stop Iran's nuclear program, Barak stressed Israel would do what was necessary to protect itself.
"It must be understood that Israel is sovereign. The government, the army and the security services are the only ones responsible for the security and the existence of Israel," he said.
Israel and much of the international community believes Iran is seeking nuclear weapons - a charge Tehran denies. International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) officials have consistently complained Tehran has obstructed its attempts to inspect Iran's nuclear sites under the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty."
"Barak: No Iran Strike – Yet
Last month the nuclear watchdog warned it had "credible" information that Iran was carrying out "activities relevant to the development of a nuclear explosive device." According to the November 8 report, Iran has produced 4,922 kilograms of uranium enriched to 3.5 percent, as well as 73.7 kilograms of uranium enriched to around 20 percent.
On Monday, Brigadier General Itai Brun, head of research for Israeli military intelligence, told Israeli lawmakers he estimated that Iran was "using 6,000 centrifuges regularly, out of 8,000 installed."
"Until today, they have managed to accumulate approximately 50 tons of low enriched uranium, and a bit less than 100 kilos of 20 percent enriched uranium," he said.
Brun said Iran would need 220 kilos of 20 percent enriched uranium if it decided on a drive for the much higher levels of enrichment necessary to produce a nuclear weapon.
Former head of Israeli military intelligence Amos Yadlin has estimated Iran has "enough material for four to five bombs."
Divisions between Israel and the United States have led critics to accuse the Obama administration of abandoning Israel, and the White House to repeatedly issue statements saying the US is committed to defending the Jewish state.
Israeli officials, however, have taken a skeptical view of US claims it will ensure Israel's security.
US Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff General Martin Dempsey admitted on Thursday that Washington's commitment to sanctions over military action stemmed from the fact that the US did not face the same potential consequences if Iran attains nuclear weapons capability that Israel does.
For the Israelis "this is an existential threat, I think probably that it's fair to say that our expectations are different right now," Demspey said."
Reuters:
"Iran cleric warns EU, U.N. against backing Britain
By Mitra Amiri and Hashem Kalantari
TEHRAN | Fri Dec 2, 2011 2:44pm EST
(Reuters) - Crowds chanted "Death to Britain" at Tehran University on Friday prayers as a hardline Iranian cleric warned the U.N. and European Union against siding with London after students and militia stormed the British embassy in Tehran.
Cleric Ahmad Khatami denounced those who tied themselves to "the rotten rope of Britain" including the EU - which may slap more sanctions on Iran over its nuclear program - as a group involved in the embassy's ransacking prepared to give Iranian diplomats expelled from Britain a hero's welcome home.
Britain evacuated its diplomats from Tehran and closed down the Iranian embassy in London after scores of Basiji militia men and radical students sacked the embassy and a residential compound on Tuesday.
In response, the biggest EU countries withdrew their ambassadors and the United Nations Security Council said it "condemned in the strongest terms" the attack.
Khatami told worshippers that the Security Council was showing itself to be as bad Britain, which Iranian hardliners believe is plotting to bring down their Islamic system.
"Issuing a statement against Iran means falling into a well with the rotten rope of Britain," Khatami said to chants of "Death to Britain."
Khatami also warned Britain's EU partners, which tightened sanctions on Tehran on Thursday and are considering banning Iranian oil imports, against closing ranks with London.
"If you have just a bit of wisdom, you won't tie your rope to the rotten rope of Britain," he said.
Rising tensions with the world's fifth biggest oil exporter pushed up global oil prices despite concerns of a sustained economic downturn in the West. Brent crude rose toward $110 a barrel on Friday."
"Iran cleric warns EU, U.N. against backing Britain
With international pressure on Tehran rising, EU foreign ministers laid out the plans on Thursday for a possible embargo on Iranian oil in response to growing Western suspicions that the Islamic Republic aims to build nuclear weapons.
Iran says its nuclear program is peaceful but the U.N. nuclear watchdog body issued a report last month which suggested it has worked on designing an atom bomb.
WELCOME HOME
Iranian diplomats expelled from London were due to arrive in Tehran in the early hours of Saturday and the Basij militia said it would have a welcoming committee for them at the International Imam Khoneini Airport outside the capital.
Iran's Foreign Ministry expressed regret over the embassy invasion which it said was a spontaneous overflowing of anger during a peaceful protest by students.
However, Britain says there must have been at least tacit approval by the ruling establishment.
Reformist website Sahamnews issued a statement by a group of students at the Islamic Azad university condemning the attack and saying the hardliners did not represent the view of most young Iranians.
"The indecent and obscene nature of this move is clear to everyone, but misusing the name of student is something we cannot easily let pass. There is no connection between what these people did and the honorable and sensible Iranian students," the statement said.
President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has yet to comment publicly on the attack - underscoring analysts' views that the faction-driven government has mixed feelings about the event that is likely to lead to further international isolation.
Parliamentary speaker Ali Larijani, a long-time rival to Ahmadinejad, immediately condemned the U.N. reaction to the embassy storming as "hasty" and "devious."
British diplomats were evacuated after their offices and living quarters were ransacked.
The historic 135-year-old embassy residence in a wooded compound in downtown Tehran, used by the ambassador to host official dinners, was said to have been "systematically destroyed" during the onslaught.
One western diplomat who visited the scene on Thursday said priceless oil paintings has been slashed and that the protesters had cut the face out of a portrait of Queen Victoria. There were no reports of harm to diplomatic staff.
(Additional reporting by Parisa Hafezi; Writing by Robin Pomeroy; editing by David Stamp)."
Celebs.Gather.com:
"Kim Kardashian Gets Booed on 'The View'
by Aida Ekberg
December 02, 2011 01:15 PM EST
Kim Kardashian's [Elly Kleinman's] name got booed on The View [Der Yid] when Barbara Walters [Ester Jungreis] announced her and her family [him and his mishpocheh] as some of the most fascinating people [ekkeldikke behaimes] of 2011 [5771].
It's obvious that many members of the audience [agudaoilemgoilem] were not fascinated by Kim [Elly] and the rest of the Kardashian [Kleinman] clan - there were lots of groans and boos when Barbara [Ester] told the crowd that they had made her annual list of the most fascinating people [frummest spoiled brats].
Her cohosts also were a little confused and annoyed -- Elisabeth Hasselbeck [Satmar Rebbetzin] wanted to know if Kris Humphries [Ms Saftlas] will be included with the Kardashian [Kleinman] group, while Joy Behar [Bobov Rebbetzin] jokingly asked if she could get on the list by getting an annulment from her husband [azoy, you become an aguna babe]. She also asked Barbara Walters [Ester Jungreis] just what it is about Kim Kardashian [Elly Kleinman] and her sisters [his gang] that makes them so fascinating [corrupt].
Babs [Esti] didn't help matters by explaining that her list only includes "positive people" - plenty of people would argue that the Kardashians [Kleinmans] are not positive at all. After all, they got famous in part because of a [Yossi] sex tape; Kim's [Yossi's] marriage to Kris Humphries [Ms Saftlas] only lasted 72 days because she rushed into it (seemingly for the sake of her [sotah] reality show); and they've got lots of young viewers who probably dream of becoming famous like the Kardashian sisters [Kleinman agudafressers]. But of course the reality is that these girls [fressers] won't end up making millions by piling on makeup, shopping, and getting married in front of reality show cameras [they are into medicaid ripoffs].
Barbara Walter's [Ester Jungreis's] other reason for including them made a little more sense: "Heavens knows they've been in the news [avadeh!]." She also responded to her cohosts' negative feedback by saying, "Why do I do this show? I could have a happy life on NBC News [UOJ Blog]."
Of course the talk show host probably put Kim Kardashian and her sisters [Elly Kleinman and his chaverim] on the list because she knows people will tune in to see them. She is right that they've been dominating the news lately, and Kourtney Kardashian's [Brochie Kleinman's] pregnancy recently made the family even more tabloid-worthy. Everyone might not be fascinated with them, but it's obvious that a lot of people are.
Barbara [Ester] hasn't revealed who her most fascinating person is yet, so it will be interesting to see who tops the Kardashians [Kleinmans] when Barbara Walters [Ester Jungreis] Presents: The 10 Most Fascinating [Grobbe] People of 2011 airs on ABC [YATED] on December 14 (it will be surprising if it's not Justin Bieber [Leib Tropper], the only celeb bigger than the Kardashians [Kleinmans]).
So do you agree with her decision to include the Kardashians [Kleinmans]? Check out her choice getting booed on The View below.
The View: Hot Topics: Most Fascinating People - The View [YouTube video 3 minutes]
[and here's a genuine one with Elly & Brochie Kleinman showing flashing what their bucks can do:
Elly Kleinman OHEL 2011 Kleinman [DailyMotion video 1 minute]"
What is happening with Gittin in Lakewood? Why is it being silenced?
yudelstake is the only blogger that has it.
Margo's grandson is one of the ones involved in the Lakewood gittin thing.
And can anyone confirm an associated rumor on that blog that he is also involved with Queens Vaad and a Sefardi rabbi to hijack all the gerus in America now that Tropper was driven away? Queens Vaad destroys anything they touch be it kashrus, gerus, chevra kadisha, you name it. One of the rabbis in charge is Belsky's friend and they use even bigger mafia tactics to silence dissenters.
House panel votes to subpoena Corzine
Former New Jersey Gov. Jon Corzine will be forced to testify in a hearing about his role in the collapse of MF Global Inc.
Associated Press
Convicted sex offender Steve Zakheim is on the board of Agudah's Vaad Lehatzolas Nidachim
http://www.crainsnewyork.com/article/20111204/SUB/312049974
U.S. trustee sees conflicts in Peninsula Hospital buyout
Officials in bankruptcy case say the operators of the Queens facility should be stripped of control.
Mr. Miller last month informed the state Department of Health that Steven Zakheim, a controversial health care entrepreneur who is married to the owner of Revival Home Health Care, is serving as an unpaid consultant to Peninsula management.
he is a grandson (through marriage) of a different margolis. not related to that one. please only write what you know.
Dennis,
Why don't you name the Rebbe molester from Cali & Brooklyn. Please practice what you preach !
The Post is reporting that Moishe Aryeh Friedman from Neturei Karta is facing eviction after stiffing his Boro Park landlord out of $17,000 in rent.
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