Agudath Israel to UOJ: Welcome Back! *Five Years Later*

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Wednesday, December 06, 2006 - The UOJ Classics!
Agudah to UOJ: Welcome Back

It appears that the Agudah, with their pathetic grasping at straws of controversy to appear relevant, has resurrected UOJ -- the Patron Saint of Children Who are Sexually Abused by Religious Figures and Those Who Harbor Them. UOJ, after being 'outed' this spring by some self-appointed thugs who believe themselves to be defenders of Torah and Gedolim, slipped into the background with a farewell post just before Rosh Hashanah. Sadly, it appeared as though UOJ would relegated to asterisk status in Jewish history, despite his valiant and timely attacks on a viciously apathetic status quo that preferred the spiritual murder of Jewish children over decisive action.

And all was quiet as Rosh Yeshivas, executive directors, and some yeshivishe egomaniacs in the sleepy slum of Waterbury, CT. rejoiced at the miraculous bullet dodging they had just witnessed. Evidently, the 'humiliation' weapon -- a thin reference to ruined shidduchim and tainted yichus -- had succeeded in preserving the perversity of ultra-orthodox apathy.

But something was afoot. Deep within the bowels of 42 Broadway, across some shiny overpriced conference table, the Wizards of Was realized that their destiny lay in murdering the mandate bearer: blogs. Ironically, if they would actually read the blogs instead of dismissing them as the tools of Satan, they would have been able to resurrect themselves and actively contribute to the betterment and solidification of American Orthodoxy. Instead, they took the short way out.

"Let's bash blogs," the Daas Torahniks declared. "We must create a new enemy, now that the Nazis are gone, Jewish busdrivers can wear yarmulkes to work without fear, we've given up on "at-risk" kids (poorly trained mentors are the answer....right?), and we've selected our guest of honor for this year's dinner..." The obvious answer was blogs.

The dispensers of Daas Torah, concerned with the impact blogs were having on their destructive hegemony and possible ramifications that would have on future fundraising seconded the motion. "Blogs are bad," they bellowed. "We must rid our homes and neighborhoods of blogs." Then they returned to worrying about why the frummest girls schools produce graduates who ignore tznius, despite 14 years of subversive inculcation, and how to close the Pandora's box of frummer-than-though kashrus which has inexplicably led to America's most religious neighborhood to eat traif meat for half a decade.

Blogs are bad. Blogs are bad. Yeah, let's stick it to that UnOrthodox fellow. Who is he anyway to blame us for child molestation? We TOLD people that separate seating weddings would solve everything. And as long as they don't listen in the Five Towns, we can't be held responsible for what happens to little boys in Brooklyn."

So the convention program, with a half dozen cutsie teaser ads were drafted and everyone was happy. "Blogs are bad!," said the Agudah big shots. "When we're done with them, we'll be able to ridicule molestation victims with impunity in the Jewish Week." The Daas Torah dispensers cried, "Blogs are Bad. And now, we can get back to banning intangible objects, like books and sheitels, which we can burn, and actual people whom we can besmirch, excommunicate and threaten. It was so much easier in the old days."

But they didn't count on themselves making the same mistake as they have made time and time again: life moves fast. People forget. They are busy. If things go away, they are forgotten. It's the same reason why sexual molestation victims fade away. If people forget, their pain is buried, for they themselves to choke on, alone. But when old news gets dredged up. When books that appear objectionable are given attention, or banned, they take on a life of their own. When forgotten blogs are given main stage forums at major fundraising events....they return to life.

And so, UOJ, in all his glory has been vindicated and resurrected, unlike the Agudah, which is as pathetic and irrelevant as it has been for the past decade, UOJ has attracted a well written,logical counterpart:

http://rabbimatisyahusalomon.blogspot.com

which features a several thousand word letter detailing the vast and grievous gaps in communal leadership and compassion by our so-called gedolim.

The progeny of UOJ also provides an lucid timeline of events that led up to UOJ and more importantly the serious lack of judgment, compasison, and leadership of the dispensers of Daas Torah. And, incidentally, offers a nod to the one straight shooter of our generation, Rabbi Avigdor Miller, who told certain askanim, to, so to speak -- damn the torpedoes and blow this mother sky high. (I paraphrased a bit).

So, to the chagrin of every frummie on the dark hatted side of the color spectrum, UOJ is back. Ironically, the very intention of the Agudah, to declare their moral victory over bloggers and reclaim their relevance has instead tossed the moral imperative to bloggers such as UOJ. Blogs are more relevant and necessary than ever before.

As for UOJ, he sounds more mature, and as always -- is dead on correct about the travesty that has been perpetrated over 40 years of inaction, intimidation, and malicious ineptitude.

Welcome back UOJ. Klal Yisroel needs you!

posted by Still Wonderin'