“Sexual Issues for Jewish Clergy"

Sex, saunas, and rabbis: Where are the boundaries? 

 

The cases of Rabbi Barry Freundel and Jonathan Rosenblatt highlight where our community is lagging behind.

Rabbi Jonathan Rosenblatt and Rabbi Barry Freundel

Recent scandals involving rabbis who violated clergy-congregant boundaries are making it difficult for good, honest leaders to counsel the people we serve. Between Barry Freundel, who clearly broke the law when he spied on naked women in the mikveh, and Jonathan Rosenblatt, whose custom of mentoring young men whilst naked in the sauna lies somewhere in the legal gray area, one thing is clear: these rabbis' errors in judgment have eroded the public's trust in religious leaders as sources of safe, spiritual guidance.
 
Since graduating from seminary five years ago, I, myself, have felt ill-equipped, at times, to handle pastoral care issues related to sexuality when working with congregants confronted by infidelity, marital problems and divorce. None of the popular rabbinic “handbooks” on the subject made any mention of how to handle these issues as they relate to sex, and none of my classes at the seminary ever talked about how to deal with them. So I decided to sign up for an online course called “Sexual Issues for Jewish Clergy."
 
During this program, I discovered that rabbis often struggle with the same kind of challenges concerning sexuality and boundaries that their congregants face. Actions that for me seemed common sense and worth undertaking for my own protection – like giving counsel with my door open, and almost never agreeing to meet a person without someone else being present in the building – were far from established common practice. But what may be common sense for some rabbis is not for others. The New York Times article about Rosenblatt is a stark reminder of this fact.
 
There is also the issue of protecting both rabbis and congregants. A 2008 Baylor University study presented the testimonies of 47 people who described their personal experiences with clergy misconduct. As I watched the videos, I was struck by how often the victims' communities discouraged them from speaking out. Even when the victims were repeatedly violated, the congregation or their movement's umbrella organization ultimately sided and protected the violating rabbi.
 
This leads me to believe that a set of standards for rabbinic counseling needs to be established. While written standards may not eradicate misconduct, they can certainly provide guidance to protect both rabbis and their congregants.
 
Or, to take it one step further, rabbinical councils could require their leaders undertake harassment training – just like those corporate offices that require this of their employees.
 
I will never forget a visit I paid to a non-Jewish patient when I was a hospital chaplain many years ago. She had been reluctant to talk religion with me, but always enjoyed my company. After several months, she acknowledged that part of the reason for her initial discomfort around clergy was that she was physically abused by her pastor as a child. I was shocked by her disclosure. She then turned to me and said, "I never knew it would be a Jewish rabbi who would get me to find my faith again.”
 
Rabbis, among other members of the cloth, are imperfect. Given that, in our line of work, we are sometimes the first point of contact for desperate people seeking free counseling, it is proper that we be given the benefit of the doubt. Yet, rabbis cannot forget that our counseling has the power to both guide people to faith and destroy it. The high-profile nature of the Freundel and Rosenblatt cases should serve as a catalyst for change in the way we regulate our conduct. If our denominations take this opportunity to – together or separately – create firm counseling codes of conduct, they could prevent breaches of clergy-congregant boundaries from reaching this magnitude again.
 
http://www.haaretz.com/jewish-world/rabbis-round-table/.premium-1.659473

Something rotten in the rabbinate?

Why more reports of rabbinic sex abuse are a good thing 

As the Bronx District Attorney opens an investigation into Rabbi Jonathan Rosenblatt, experts say lifting the shroud of silence is key to raising awareness and eliminating the problem of clergy misdeeds

Rabbi Jonathan Rosenblatt.

THE TENDLER CURSE!

( MUST READ)  http://theunorthodoxjew.blogspot.com/2008/06/tendler-phenomena.html 

ARON TENDLER

Sholom Tendler

Mordecai Tendler

DOVID WEINBERGER

Decades of eyebrow-raising at male bonding methods morphed into suspicions of abuse this week as the Bronx Country District Attorney Bureau on Child Sex Abuse and Sex Crimes opened an investigation against New York Rabbi Jonathan Rosenblatt.

 Individuals with pertinent information to the investigation are asked to call (718) 838 7382, a dedicated line for this investigation, to speak with an Assistant District Attorney on a team handling the case.

On Friday, Rosenblatt, for over 30 years the rabbi of the Riverdale Jewish Center Synagogue, was the topic of a lengthy New York Times article portraying his decades-long allegedly inappropriate behavior with young unclothed males. The article described how Rosenblatt would invite boys as young as 12 to play squash, followed by bathing and a sauna. 

Some of those involved, now men, claimed the rabbi gawked at their nakedness; others weren’t bothered at all. But what is clear from the NY Times article and follow-up media pieces is that Rosenblatt’s questionable behavior over the past three decades was an open secret that left many boys and young men uncomfortable.

Now, the Bronx District Attorney is calling upon these men to describe their experiences — even anonymously — and aid in charting the rabbi’s behavior patterns.

This simple step — the on-record recounting of an uncomfortable encounter — is a key step to ending abuse, say activists. The more light is shed on irregular or abusive experiences, the greater is the deterrent for perpetrators.

There is evidence of the beginnings of change, say experts, as social media and online survivor communities provide anonymous or nonthreatening platforms for survivors to testify. And, they predict numbers of incidents in the clergy will wane as rabbinical seminaries take increased screening precautions and institute mental health formation as part of the student rabbis’ training.

There is hope that as victims are empowered to stand up and be counted, bad apples will be weeded out early — and those very human rabbis who do find themselves inclined to engage in suspect behavior will increasingly have places to turn to for help.

Something rotten in the rabbinate?

 

With increasing regularity, decades-old cases involving suspected clergy abuse are surfacing in the media because, according to abuse activists, it can take survivors that long to be able to recount suspicious or abusive episodes. Sometimes it involves overcoming shame, in other cases the rabbi is enshrined on such a high pedestal by the congregation that the victim fears he won’t be believed.

Rabbi Jonathan Rosenblatt

It was only recently that the Rosenblatt case began to be discussed somewhat openly, in an alumni message board for a Jewish foundation. However, reports from disturbed congregants and students had come before the Modern Orthodox Riverdale Jewish Center Synagogue‘s leadership as early as the 1980s, according to the NY Times article. By the 2000s, Rosenblatt’s alma mater Yeshiva University, which deploys student interns, and the Rabbinical Council of America, his umbrella organization, had asked Rosenblatt to desist.

Additionally, in an editorial Tuesday called “Riverdale’s ‘Open Secret’ Goes Public,” The Jewish Week’s Gary Rosenblatt wrote that three years ago several prominent synagogue members offered to buy out Rosenblatt’s contract to preempt a press scandal. The rabbi declined, but did agree to leave for a sabbatical at Harvard.

No unusual activity was reported by Jewish leadership to authorities outside the Jewish community. (An email to Rabbi Mark Dratch, executive vice president of the Rabbinical Council of America and the founder of JSafe, an organization that fights domestic violence and child abuse in the Jewish community, was not answered.)

The Rosenblatt case is just one in a rash of long-term suspected clergy abuse cases recently capturing international headlines. Others include February’s graphic testimony of child sex abuse in Chabad schools during Australia’s Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse, and the May conviction of Rabbi Barry Freundel, sentenced to 6.5 years for 52 counts of misdemeanor voyeurism in Washington, DC.

With a shroud of shame over victims, and a history of institutionalized communal cover-ups, there are no reliable statistics that portray how prevalent abuse is in Jewish communities. Some experts estimate that it is in line with statistics in the general population, in which 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men are abused by age 18.

BEN HIRSCH

Jewish abuse activist Ben Hirsch, director of the Brooklyn-based Orthodox sex abuse organization Survivors for Justice, said in a 2013 Vice report exploring clergy abuse that by his estimates 50% of the ultra-Orthodox community has experienced such abuse.

Melbourne-based members of the Groner family apologize for their father, former senior rabbi and director of the Yeshivah Centre, Rabbi Dovid Groner’s part in the cover-up of sexual abuse.

Seeking power, to corrupt 

 

Dr. Michael J. Salamon

Dr. Michael J. Salamon is a New York psychologist affiliated with several Jewish survivor organizations, including the controversial Jewish Community Watch, which displays a Wall of Shame of alleged perpetrators. He works with victims of abuse from all faiths, and said there is no clinical evidence that there are more abuse cases in Orthodoxy. He said, however, there are fewer cases reported from insular communities than the general population.

‘People who have the propensity to abuse seek positions of power’

Additionally, abusers are not statistically more likely to appear in the rabbinate than any other profession, Salamon said. However, “people who have the propensity to abuse seek positions of power,” including the clergy, education, and medicine. Some 80% of abusers were abused themselves.

In Salamon’s 2011 book, “Abuse in the Jewish Community: Religious and Communal Factors that Undermine the Apprehension of Offenders and the Treatment of Victims,” he writes there are four basic types of abuse: verbal, emotional, physical and sexual, or a combination. All involve psychological manipulation. “In order to be an abuser, regardless of the type of abuse that you employ, you have to create a willing victim.”

“Those with certain personality types have this need to victimize,” said Salamon in a phone conversation from his New York clinic. The perpetrator will put himself in a position where he feels in control of others and their emotions and “somehow have them feel like they were dependent upon him.”

While the details in the Rosenblatt case are still murky — most of the alleged recent activity took place with males over age 18 and there was little or no touching involved — like the Freundel case, most of the suspicions surrounding Rosenblatt allege voyeuristic behavior.

Rabbi Barry Freundel

According to Salamon, “voyeuristic abuse is a form of psychopathology” that is acknowledged as a disorder by mental health experts and can cause the same psychological effects as physical abuse.

Author Elana Sztokman, the former head of the Jewish Orthodox Feminist Alliance, published op-eds railing against widespread belittling of Freundel’s abuse as “just voyeurism” during his sentencing.

‘The rabbi is saying, “I own you, I am consuming you with my eyes”‘

“When we think about clergy acting out sexual abuse, we’re looking at a pattern of men… who need to assert their power over others, be more powerful, use their subjects, our kids, as objects in their sort of need to assert power,” she said in a conversation from her Israel home this week.

“Voyeurism is a huge emotional violation, but sometimes we don’t have the language to talk about it. There is no violence, no touch, but really the essence of sexual abuse is the ultimate manipulation of power and control. The rabbi is saying, ‘I own you, I am consuming you with my eyes,'” said Sztokman.

Efforts toward prevention

 

Yeshivot and rabbinical schools try to weed out this personality, said abuse activist Salamon, but there are no good screening tools yet. He added that many yeshivot do a search through a private investigator firm to determine whether the individual has any questionable history of abuse.

“Some do, more need to,” qualified Salamon.

‘The Jewish community has no single hierarchy or unifying infrastructure that enables it to set standards for training or to hold professionals responsible in these areas’

As written on RCA head Rabbi Dratch’s JSafe website, “The problems of domestic violence and child abuse in the Jewish community are difficult to address for many reasons, foremost among them are the absence of standards and organization… The problem is systemic. The Jewish community has no single hierarchy or unifying infrastructure that enables it to set standards for training or to hold professionals responsible in these areas.”

One rabbinical school that has already created an institutionalized approach toward prevention, however, is New York’s Riverdale-based Modern Orthodox Yeshivat Chovevei Torah (YCT) in its pastoral counseling and mental health program, directed by psychiatrist Dr. Michelle Friedman with the assistance of Miriam Schacter, a licensed clinical social worker.

Rabbi Asher Lopatin

According to YCT president Rabbi Asher Lopatin, “Sexual abuse is discussed in terms of the students’ current environment and also when they go into their professional fields.” In the pastoral counseling program, students are taught through role playing “to be aware of boundary violations and misuse of power.”

“Judaism long ago recognized the importance of modesty, valuing the human dignity of each person. Rabbis must be at the forefront of understanding and advocating for people never to be put in situations where they feel there is sexual discomfort or abuse of power,” said Lopatin.

In an early morning phone conversation from Italy, pastoral counseling chair Friedman explained in layman’s terms that “it’s pretty hard to screen out malignant sociopathy… people who have a deviance conceal it very well.” But she emphasized the school has set in place a system of gates, including group interviews for character, not academic prowess, that always include at least one woman.

Additionally, as part of the rabbinical students’ professional formation, YCT has a required weekly small group meeting with mental health professionals over the course of the four-year program.

If the goal of a program is to mold pulpit rabbis to lead Jewish congregations, “there has to be a real commitment to character clarity,” said Friedman on behalf of the institutions.

Psychiatrist Dr. Michelle Friedman

“We can only, and any institution can only, set up an atmosphere of trust and confidentiality. The goal of the process groups is for people to take it forward and trust in their band of brothers so that when they come into a dark place of their own they don’t keep it a secret and keep this nasty worm in their soul,” she said.

 Many rabbis, put on a pedestal by their congregations, lose sight of what it is to be human, and being human means imperfection.

At YCT, the goal is for the rabbinic student to understand he can “still be a good rabbi and a flawed person… [to instill] some sense of trust that when you have a dark time it’s not the end of the world, and you don’t let it rot,” said Friedman.

Psychologist Salamon echoes Friedman’s statements. “I want to emphasize — as much as we respect our spiritual leaders, it is important to remember they are human beings. They don’t get a pass because they’re nice people,” said Salamon, who said he has received death threats for reporting abuse to secular authorities.

A cross-denominational epidemic

 

Sue Cox was raised to revere priests, and, good Catholic girl that she was, she did. She was brought up to believe that, in touching the communion bread, priests even had “sacred hands.”

But then the local parish priest began touching her with his “blessed hands” and she was repeatedly abused and raped from age 10 to 13. To get away from home and a mother who couldn’t support her, Cox married by 17 and was divorced with six children by 32.

Sue Cox, founder of Survivors Voice Europe

 It took Cox 50 years to overcome her guilt and shame to speak about her childhood abuse at the hands of the parish priest. Today, the British healthcare worker and addictions counselor is the founder of Survivors Voice Europe, an international organization that supports survivors of clergy sexual abuse. 

She says she kept silent because she thought she was the only one to suffer such unspeakable acts. But today she know that speaking out is the only way to raise societal awareness over the issue and prevent more attacks. Now the award-winning activist educates at every opportunity.

“It’s not a nice thing to be well-known as somebody who has been raped by a fat smelly clergy member,” 

Cox frankly told The Times of Israel in a phone call from England this week. But she sees herself as a champion for those who have not yet been able to find their voices.

‘With the world getting smaller through technology, people are more willing to stand up and be counted’

Through Survivors Voice Europe Cox has heard stories from all over the globe of abuse at the hands of priests, ministers and rabbis. The survivors — not victims — find a community within the organization, and peace of mind in knowing they are not alone.

“It largely doesn’t matter what flavor of cleric they are — rabbi, priest or Anglican vicar — the issue is all about power abuse,” she said.

But Cox is amazingly optimistic for an abuse activist. For a millennium, she said, religious hierarchy has allowed clerics who feel themselves above the law get away with these crimes. Now, however, through the amplification of social media to expose potentially abusive behaviors in real time, this is getting harder to do.

“With the world getting smaller through technology, people are more willing to stand up and be counted,” she said. “Young people are more aware of risks and “less easily duped.”

“The world is getting better. It’s a horrible thing to realize that it’s been like this forever, but the only way to change it is to shine a spotlight on these dark corners of hierarchies that have been getting away with it for years,” said Cox.

http://www.timesofisrael.com/why-more-reports-of-rabbinic-sex-abuse-are-a-good-thing/

"Given the two choices, I would rather side with the little girl recognizing the chance, however remote, that I may be wrong. She knows exactly what happened....

Steve Karro Police Mugshot

Steve Karro: One accusation, one arrest, two perspectives

 

 Earlier this month, an eleven year old girl reported to the Miami Beach Police Department that Rabbi Steve Karro touched her inappropriately, sat her on his lap and kissed her on the neck. Within a short time, to the surprise of many who knew him, Karro was arrested and charged with lewd and lascivious molestation of a child. As with almost all cases involving child sexual abuse, controversy has erupted and emotions are running wild. Despite the charges, many continue to support Karro insisting that we must withhold judgment while others steadfastly disagree. 

By and large, the opinions of individuals on both sides of the issue are held by sensible, intelligent and caring people who want to do the right thing. 

How is it that two groups of reasonable people can come to such different conclusions? What is the real source of the disagreement? Even more so, how is it that the vast majority of those expressing their opinions have difficulty relating to or understanding the position of the other?

We have on the one side the supporters of Steve Karro. They insist that it is impossible to know with one hundred precent certainty what he did and (assuming it makes any difference) what his real intentions were. Although statistically very few children who claim abuse have been found to be lying, there is always the small possibility that she is, Karro’s supporters reason. While the Police Department assign trained professionals to determine which party is being truthful, they are human and most definitely fallible. Despite the fact that there is a rigorous system of checks and balances within our judicial system, innocent people have been arrested before.

The supporters of Steve Karro will continue to insist that we must withhold judgement as ‘innocent until proven guilty’ is a bedrock of morality. What if we are wrong and Karro is innocent, they say. What about the possibility that an innocent person is being accused and his reputation destroyed indefinitely, they remind us. As a result, they stand in the corner of Karro and nothing short of absolute proof will suffice to change their opinion.

These concerns are tremendously important and the very real probability, as small as it may be, that they are valid should preoccupy each one of us. Imagine we find out someone we accused of wrongdoing is innocent — it would surely devastate us forever.

On the other side stand the supporters of the eleven year old girl. They insist that we must support her without question, despite the fact that we were not witness to it, as the risks of re-traumatization are formidable and lifelong. They remind us of the scores of victims of sexual abuse who were not believed when they came forward and the lifelong suffering they endured as a result. If this really happened to her and we demonstrate any doubt whatsoever as to the veracity of her claims, it may damage her even worse than the abuse itself. (Here are some worthwhile tips on how to talk to a victim of sexual abuse.)

Additionally, if Steve Karro indeed abused the young girl, we must warn the rest of the community, they insist. Imagine we hear that he abused someone else after one girl accused him and because we were not one hundred percent sure, as is almost always the case, and were so concerned about the possibility of hurting his reputation, we put other children in harms way. Surely, this too would devastate us forever. As a result, they stand in the corner of the alleged victim and nothing short of absolute proof that she is lying will sway them.

Explained in this way, it is easy to see how intelligent and caring people end up viewing the same situation so differently. They both clearly see the reality that there are no witnesses and we don’t have absolute, incontrovertible proof. Yet, they approach the story from very different angles with each one fully cognizant of one or the other devastating possibilities of being wrong.

One group, when learning of the story, hears only of a Rabbi who was accused of molesting a child. 

Consumed by the possibility that he may be innocent, they rush to his defense. The other group when learning of the same story, hear only of a young girl who was molested by an adult. Consumed by the possibility that she may be further damaged or there may be other victims, past and potential, they rush to her defense.

How can we reconcile these positions? Is there an opportunity for both sides to understand each other yet come to a similar conclusion?

Perhaps if we take a step back and avoid looking at these issues as black or white, we may be able to bridge some of the gap between the two sides. Some who defend Karro insist that he is an angel or they know him well and these actions are not consistent with who they know him to be. Essentially, their position is that he can’t be an angel to some and the devil to others. This position however is inconsistent with what we know about human nature. Decent people can do horrible things. If we can shake the belief that anyone who abuses a child is an absolute monster, we can also persuade those who know him not to be an absolute monster that the accusations are at the very least possible.

In other words, while well intended, advocates who paint all abusers with the same broad brush of “evil unrepentant irredeemable sociopath with zero good qualities” are very possibly doing a disservice to those they purport to defend. Not all abusers fit neatly into this bucket and some will rush to support an abuser simply because they don’t quite fit.

The truth though is that child sexual abuse is a lot more common than we’d like to admit. If everyone who ever abused a child was known to the public, we would not be able to maintain that every abuser fits the aforementioned sociopathic and irredeemable definition. We’d have to place way too many people we know, like and respect into this category. When we talk about the accusations destroying someone’s reputation indefinitely, we are saying that all abusers deserve to be branded a pariah. If we can lift some of the shame and replace it with clear accountability, we may find a middle ground more agreeable to both factions.

I realize that many in the advocacy community may disagree with not heaping unending shame and disgust on anyone who has harmed a child and many who instinctively rush to support abusers may cringe at holding someone accountable without incontrovertible proof. Perhaps though, the compromise on each side is one each can live with because it will achieve the end goal of making the world safer for children – something we can all agree on.

Reaching this level of accord between two groups very far apart is most likely not realistic in the short term. It will almost certainly not be accomplished before the verdict is in on Karro.

Until then, a side must be picked. Given the two choices, I would rather side with the little girl recognizing the chance, however remote, that I may be wrong. She knows exactly what happened. If she somehow fabricated the story and fooled the many trained professionals she interacted with along the difficult process leading up to his arrest, it is she (and the trained professionals) who bear the burden of an innocent person’s reputation being irreparably damaged.If, however, he is guilty and we have chosen to side with him, it is we who bear the burden of ignoring the cries of an eleven year old innocent girl and the trained professionals who all told you she is saying the truth.

Knowing what I do about the horrific ordeals victims of sexual abuse who are not believed and not supported go through, I cannot bear that burden.

Knowing what I do about how difficult it is for a child who is abused to speak up and how rarely they lie about it, I can not bear that burden.

Knowing what I do about the obscenely high recidivism rate of offenders and their uncanny ability to avoid detection and minimize responsibility, I can not bear that burden.

Can you?

http://blogs.timesofisrael.com/steve-karro-one-accusation-one-arrest-two-perspectives/

Congregants divided on Rabbi Jonathan Rosenblatt’s invitations to young men to join him in sauna....The Congregants That Kept This Weirdo On The Payroll For Decades Need Help As Well!

Jonathan Rosenblatt

Riverdale’s ‘Open Secret’ Goes Public

Three years ago several prominent members of the Riverdale Jewish Center (RJC), the 700-member Modern Orthodox congregation, met privately with their longtime rabbi, Jonathan Rosenblatt, and offered to arrange a generous buyout for him.


They told him that the persistent rumors about his allegedly inappropriate behavior with boys and young men were bound to become public at some point and it would be in his and his family’s best interest, and for the congregation as well, if he accepted an offer to resign quietly.

If he didn’t, he was told, “this could all end badly,” according to a member of the congregation with knowledge of the meeting.

“It was not meant as a threat, but rather that it would hit the press eventually and no one would see things as he did,” the person explained this weekend.

“Unfortunately, he refused, and now it’s all out there,” the person said, referring to The New York Times May 31 report on Rabbi Rosenblatt’s “unusual” behavior that included inviting young men to discuss personal matters while sitting naked in the sauna with him.

The rabbi insisted, in the meeting, that he had done nothing wrong and had complied with previous requests from shul officials that he limit his gym invitations to young men rather than boys. His wife, Tzipporah, an attorney, who was present at the meeting, was said to have asserted that any action by RJC against the rabbi would result in a lawsuit.

Now, as the board of directors is faced with next steps, there is an air of sadness, frustration and confusion among congregants, some of whom, including supporters, are hoping the rabbi will resign and spare them more public scrutiny. Others seem prepared to rally around the rabbi and hope the negative attention will soon blow over. And it seems the rabbi is not prepared to step down.

In response to a Jewish Week request this week for an interview, he sent a brief “official” statement through his “adviser,” Adam Friedman. It does not defend against or even mention the specific accusations against him, but rather frames the controversy as one over ideology.

Rabbi Rosenblatt wrote that as a rabbi he has served “with devotion, guided by high standards — religious and professional.

“My career in leadership has not been without ideological contentiousness,” he continued. “There is significant reason to believe that the attack on my reputation is being promoted by those whose real attack is on my beliefs and principles. The respected rabbi of an important congregation would, for some, represent a significant trophy in the predatory quest to discredit his ideas and, possibly, an opportunity to change the nature of the community he leads.”

But those close to the situation see the response as an attempt to divert attention away from the rabbi’s behavior with young men. And there is puzzlement over his reference to an “ideological” struggle, since Rabbi Rosenblatt is seen as a centrist within Modern Orthodoxy.

“Bottom line, he had a chance to avoid embarrassment for himself, his family and the shul,” said the person who knew of the settlement offer. “But he brought this on himself.”

Open Secret
For most of the rabbi’s more than three decades at RJC, his habit of inviting young men to play squash or racquetball, followed by a shower and sauna with them, was an open secret in the congregation.

“It was a joke among the teenage boys and young men,” one congregant recalled. “We’d ask each other, ‘did you go to the shvitz with the rabbi?’”

But times have changed, as have societal norms. There is more awareness of and less tolerance for behavior viewed as sexually predatory, even if it is not invasive — especially when initiated by figures of authority and spiritual leaders.

Rabbi Rosenblatt (no relation to this reporter) is the scion of a prominent family — his great-grandfather was famed cantor Yossele Rosenblatt and his grandfather, Samuel Rosenblatt, was the rabbi of a major Baltimore synagogue for more than 50 years. Even some congregants urging for his resignation now note that he is a man of many talents and attributes — a brilliant scholar of English literature as well as Judaic texts, with a gift for eloquent oratory, a strong voice for Modern Orthodoxy when many of his colleagues have moved to the right, and a caring and compassionate pastor, always there for families in times of need.

But even some of his biggest defenders say his lack of self-awareness, or arrogance, in denying the disturbing quality of his behavior, and his inability or unwillingness to curb it, contributed mightily to his current difficulties.

“He has this blind spot,” said one RJC member of several decades. “He thought he could get away with this behavior.”

Samuel Klagsbrun, a prominent local psychiatrist, described Rabbi Rosenblatt’s behavior as “a classic case of disassociation, where one separates the reality of his actions from his belief system.” It makes for a particularly strong divide when the person is a public figure with a reputation for good works, said Klagsbrun, who noted that he does not know Rabbi Rosenblatt.

“If he was warned and continued his actions — a rabbi risking being chastised — it’s obvious that his need for that connection with the young people was significant,” he added.

But Debbie Jonas, an RJC member and mother of Rabbi Davidi Jonas, who grew up in Riverdale, said her son was one of many young teenagers who went to the gym with the rabbi, and that “it was like any health club or locker room,” with people wrapped in towels. Jonas was one of several people that Rabbi Rosenblatt’s adviser, Adam Friedman, recommended The Jewish Week contact for comment. She said the rabbi “takes himself seriously as a mentor, and I give him tremendous credit for my Davidi’s spiritual development.” And she said that more than two dozen rabbis who served as rabbinic interns at RJC were sending letters to the shul in support of Rabbi Rosenblatt.

One member of the congregation for more than 20 years said that sitting through services at RJC this past Shabbat was a particularly painful experience.

“Nothing was said publicly” about the Times article, he said, noting that in Rabbi Rosenblatt’s absence, there was an expectation that the president or other official would address the problem from the pulpit. But that did not occur. (Rabbi Rosenblatt is nearing the end of a six-month sabbatical, spending much of his time in Boston and doing research at Harvard University.)

On Shabbat morning there was much private discussion among fellow worshippers, said the congregant, who like more than a dozen people interviewed for this article, requested anonymity because of personal connections to the synagogue.

The conversation ranged from labeling the Times story “character assassination” to hopes that the rabbi step down and spare the synagogue further shame, to talk of preparing for a difficult, and perhaps legal, battle over the rabbi’s future.

‘Unanswered Questions’
The publicity over Rabbi Rosenblatt comes at a difficult time for RJC, which has lost some of the energy, and membership, it once had and as it is looking to revitalize itself. It appears that older members of the synagogue, who have been the beneficiary for decades of Rabbi Rosenblatt’s soaring sermons, thoughtful teachings and compassionate pastoral care, are more inclined to have the rabbi stay on than younger members who have reacted most critically to the allegations, perhaps envisioning their sons being at risk of the rabbi’s outreach.

It should also be noted that over the years, some members left RJC for other synagogues. So those who stayed may have made their peace with the rabbi’s questionable behavior.

One young professional, an RJC member for less than two years, said he was shocked by the revelations in the Times article and was particularly upset at the synagogue’s lay leadership’s refusal to comment publicly on Shabbat.

“People are confused and upset,” he said. “There are so many unanswered questions.”

Chief among them, particularly for outsiders, is how could the congregation’s lay leaders have allowed the rabbi to remain in his position of authority decades after learning of his sauna sessions with boys and young men?

Several former leaders acknowledged that, as one said, “It’s easy to look back now” and recognize that mistakes were made in handling the situation. But he stressed that it was more complicated than it appears.
He and others interviewed noted that the rabbi performed his primary congregational responsibilities masterfully. The complaints came most directly from Sura Jesselson, a member whose zealous pursuit of this case led some to describe her as the rabbi’s Javert, a reference to the “Les Miserables” villain who devoted his life to tracking down a minor thief.

“In a bizarre way she helped the rabbi’s case” because she was seen as inordinately devoted to bringing him down, one member observed.

There were never reported allegations of sexual touching or criminal complaints, and there were practical concerns that any attempt to force the rabbi out could result in a painful legal suit.

Perhaps most significant is the serious confusion over the “gray area” of the rabbi’s actions — not illegal but widely considered inappropriate — that led feelings of loyalty toward him to trump taking more forceful action.

“People would say ‘I support the rabbi, but I wouldn’t let my son go to the shvitz with him,’” one congregant noted. “Isn’t that crazy?”

In a sense, the rabbi’s insistence that none of his behavior was problematic led to the congregation’s “gift” of allowing it to continue.

The rabbi’s critics tend to view the situation in a more direct way — that he had a problem, whether he acknowledged it or not, and that he had compromised his ability to serve his community.

Those who informed the rabbi that their sons were reluctant to accept his gym invitations were told that the problem was not his but their sons.’

Going Public
What changed the dynamic was that Yehuda Kurtzer, who heads the American branch of the Shalom Hartman Institute, approached The New York Times some months ago with his story. He recounted how as a Columbia University student at 19, he was “horrified and embarrassed” when the rabbi, unclothed, invited him into the sauna.

After Rabbi Rosenblatt was invited to speak to the students at the SAR Academy in Riverdale last fall, Kurtzer, whose young son attends the school, complained to the principal. He later wrote of his concerns about Rabbi Rosenblatt on a listserv of alumni of Wexner Foundation programs. That prompted a response from other participants with similar stories of their encounters with the rabbi going back a number of years, and the campaign took on renewed urgency.

[The Jewish Week has made reference to the rabbi’s unusual behavior several times over the last 15 years, without naming him. Most recently, in January 2013, this reporter’s column posed this question: “What, if anything, should be done about a synagogue rabbi who has a long history of inviting teenage boys and young men in their 20s to go to the gym with him, shower together, and share intimate talk in the sauna, making at least some of them feel deeply uncomfortable? No allegations have come to light about the rabbi crossing the line, but is this normal socializing or inappropriate behavior?”

The reason for not naming Rabbi Rosenblatt, or writing a full story, was that none of the young men who made allegations against him were willing to speak “on the record,” for attribution. Kurtzer is the first and only to do so.]

Lessons Learned?
Some stories about rabbinic impropriety are black and white, from physical and sexual abuse to spying on women in a state of undress.

  This one is not, and it is difficult to find the right words even to describe Rabbi Rosenblatt’s behavior with young men. The same invitation to play squash, shower and talk in the sauna resulted in some young men bonding with the rabbi and expressing gratitude for a mentoring relationship; others called it “predatory” and “outrageous.” The New York Times labeled it “unusual.”

Confusion abounds as well in the congregants’ range of responses.

 Some knew of his behavior for decades and ask now, “So what’s the big news?” Others are upset that board leaders took matters into their own hands, seeking to monitor the rabbi’s interactions with young men without informing the congregation at large.

Until our rabbinic organizations and synagogues cede power to outside experts to monitor the behavior of rabbis, the pattern will continue: peers will take precedence over possible victims. Surely we must recognize by now that rabbis, like everyone else, can have both inspiring and harmful traits. Those characteristics are not mutually exclusive; in fact, they make us human. So it’s possible that the same rabbi who shows great compassion and sensitivity to some can also present a threat to others.

It’s up to the leaders, members and rabbi of RJC to resolve this issue in a way that is dignified and fair. But it’s too late to do it quietly, under the radar.

They had that chance decades ago, but no longer.

Jewish Week associate editor Jonathan Mark contributed reporting.
gary@jewishweek.org
https://www.thejewishweek.com/news/new-york/riverdales-open-secret-goes-public

"The behaviour of some of these people is what pushed me to the edge of my sanity, and to the edge of my faith. I was lied to, lied about, ignored, pacified, and profoundly betrayed. Not by sick, indecent men, but by people who thought they were doing the right thing...."

Migdal Emunah

An open letter to Rabonim and Askonim

In the aftermath of what has been a very difficult time for chareidi leadership in the UK, I ask you to allow me to reflect on my experience as a victim of Mr Grynhaus, and to hear what I have to say.

There are indecent people in every society. Our community, which prides itself on kedusha and tahara, is not immune. Some people are just sick. They need to be kept away from children as a basic safety measure for the klall.

I don't want to talk about those types of people.I want to talk about other people, who are not sick. Who don't have twisted desires and who have self-control and self-respect. I'm referring to rabonim, teachers, layleaders, frum GPs and therapists.

The behaviour of some of these people is what pushed me to the edge of my sanity, and to the edge of my faith. I was lied to, lied about, ignored, pacified, and profoundly betrayed. Not by sick, indecent men, but by people who thought they were doing the right thing.

I know that many of these Rabonim do not set out to be cruel. Their actions are not malicious. However, even if they didn't mean to, they caused me horrific pain and suffering. That suffering is on a level with the suffering caused by the abuse itself, and responsibility needs to be accepted for that pain.

Apart from more recent UK laws surrounding safeguarding issues, our own halacha is thousands of years old. The first time I was assaulted, it was in a situation of yichud. I can count at least five frum adults who knew this man was being meyached with me. But they kept quiet. They must bear responsibility for their silence, for ignoring the breach in halacha.

I am suffering so much. If you looked the other way then, don't look away now. If, in the past, you were involved in keeping abuse quiet or abuse happened on your watch, hold up your hands to it. It would help me, and other victims, if you could reach out and apologise, and acknowledge what happened. Please, take steps to become educated in safeguarding issues.

If you are someone who has responsibility for children or vulnerable adults, provide pastoral care or healthcare, please, take my message on board. If you can't, perhaps you need to rethink your position.
Our community must stop being a safe place for predators. If you look away, that invites an offender to strike again.

All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.

https://www.facebook.com/MigdalEmunah/posts/976928979008039?fref=nf

They get to move across the country, start a new life, and are presented a plateful of new women. Women who have no idea. Congregations that have no idea. Even when you stare us down with gag orders and secret meeting or trials. These men still find our weakness....

..."At first, I said no to his advances, but his wanting me felt so good, and I was so hungry. We lived in different states, but he was going to a rabbinical conference close to me, so we decided to meet. It was the start of an affair that soon became twisted and dark. He’d call me from strip clubs, and text me as he walked onto the pulpit for Friday night services. We met again while he attended another conference. He took me to dinner and drinks all on his synagogue’s dime. Soon, he grew darker. 
 

He stopped calling me by name: I was now bitch, slut, mistress. 

And then one day, he sent me pictures of his wife without her knowledge. There are no words for that type of violation. I should have stopped then. I should have stopped for his own marriage, but most of all, I should have stopped for her. When I tried to speak up, he reminded me of his importance in the Jewish community. I was scared. I was scared to lose my own friends and ruin his life. And then, my husband found our texts, and threw me out. And then the rabbi turned his back. I lost everything bit by bit. It ate at me. His world stayed the same and mine was destroyed. His wife found out, and she didn’t leave.  Eventually, I went to the head of the ethics committee of the movement. He took my story and was kind, but nothing happened. I had to be the one to decide if they would start an investigation. The decision plagued me. I had to reach out to a therapist. 

And then I learned that I wasn’t the only one. And I learned from other people that he wasn’t the powerful man he pretended to be. He needed to be stopped, and I had to be brave. 

More than anything, I felt obligated to stop him from hurting other women. 

In the end, he refused to be investigated. In the end, he was kicked out of the movement. In the end, his wife moved him across the country. And in the end, he remained a rabbi. None of the other rabbis know the details. No one can help me. Worst of all, he is still a danger. He is still a predator. He still has access, and no one in his new world knows.

We forget that predators who take advantage live among us. Whether they live inside our own homes, or stand on high at their pulpit. They ruin our lives and many times get to move on with theirs. Even when they get a slap on the hand; even when they get kicked out of their movement. Even when they get 6 years; if they hurt 1 woman or 152. 

They get to move across the country, start a new life, and are presented a plateful of new women. Women who have no idea. Congregations that have no idea. Even when you stare us down with gag orders and secret meeting or trials. These men still find our weakness.

The sisters that spoke up about Josh Duggar are brave. The women who spoke out against Rabbi Freundel are brave. I wish the rest of us ruined by certain rabbis were strong enough to do the same.

http://www.girlbodypride.com/2015/05/the-mistresss-rabbi/

Statement on Sexual Abuse From The Chief Rabbi of the U.K.

Chief Rabbi Ephraim Mirvis - United Kingdom

Statement on Sexual Abuse

26 May 2015 --- The conviction of a prominent member of the Manchester Jewish community for sexual abuse is of immense significance. Though certainly not the first such case, it sends an unequivocal message that nobody, in any part of our community, can expect to commit these horrific crimes and escape prosecution. The longstanding view of the Chief Rabbi and Beth Din has been restated a number of times in recent years, but this is an opportune moment to reinforce that position once again.

I would like to commend the victims and others who withstood tremendous pressure and gave evidence. I hope that their courage will inspire others to come forward in the future.

This kind of abuse is a stain on all of society and we are no less vulnerable to the scourge of sexual crimes than any other community. Perpetrators of these crimes destroy lives and every one of us shares in the responsibility to protect victims and potential victims. As such, we must not only ensure that all incidents are reported to the police without delay, but that we must do everything in our power to promote a culture whereby reporting such crimes to the relevant statutory authorities is supported and encouraged.

It is imperative that communities across the country have robust child protection policies in place and should act in consultation with the statutory services. Every community should review its policies and procedures regularly and consider what else can be done – we can always do more.

Further to previously held training seminars for Rabbis, I will be writing this week to Rabbis across the country, advising them of a mandatory, dedicated seminar that the United Synagogue is organising on behalf of its communities, in order to better prepare Rabbis to identify and respond to incidents of child abuse in their communities and to reinforce the importance of being vigilant at all times. In addition, I am meeting with victims of abuse and campaigners in this area to seek views from them as to what more can be done to better protect vulnerable people in our communities.

May we all have the courage to seek out and challenge cruelty and injustice from within our midst.

Chief Rabbi Ephraim Mirvis

http://www.chiefrabbi.org/abuse260515/ 

MUST READ:
http://www.thejc.com/news/uk-news/136821/chief-rabbi-urges-community-report-sex-abuse-allegations-police

 On The Radio 2006:
http://www.survivorsforjustice.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=7&Itemid=67

"Like any democracy, Israel isn’t perfect, but its government and people need no lessons from Barack Obama about values or which policies best serve its long-term interests. Israel doesn’t need to be saved from itself, and anyone who thinks it should be has no respect for the Israeli people...."

Obama on Israel: A Judgmental Friend and Its Open Enemies

The Know-Nothing President Dons A Yarmulke & Lectures American Jews about His Audacity of Being a "Chickensh*t"

President Obama’s sales pitch for his still unfinished nuclear deal with Iran went to the next level today as he spoke at a Washington, D.C. synagogue to commemorate Jewish Heritage Month. As he always does when speaking before friendly liberal Jewish audiences, the president knows just what buttons to push to win the hearts of his listeners. Flattery about the place of Jews in American history? Check. Appeals to common liberal values and Jewish participation in the civil rights movement? Of course. Support for Israel? I’ve got your back. Opposition to an Iranian nuclear bomb? I’ll never let it happen

Outrage about anti-Semitism? You got it. The result is always the same. Liberal Jews reconfirm their love affair with the president and file away any doubts they have about his predilection for picking fights with the Jewish state and for his pursuit of détente with one of the most anti-Semitic governments in the world. But Barack Obama’s troubling ideas about friendship with Israel should give even his most ardent Jewish fans pause. The problem with Obama is not that he’s an avowed enemy of Israel but that he’s the sort of judgmental friend whose positions are often indistinguishable from those of its foes. 

Obama’s purpose was twofold

One is to rally liberal Jews behind the Iran nuclear deal despite its many shortcomings. The president doesn’t need to win the votes of the majority of the House or the Senate, just one third plus one, the amount to sustain a veto of what might be a strong “no” vote in both bodies. Getting 34 members of the Senate to back a terrible deal whose final form may wind up even weaker than we thought it would be won’t be easy. But so long as a critical mass of liberal Jews are willing to stick with him, it will be easier.

The other is to soften up domestic opposition to a policy shift on Israel in which the president will effectively abandon Israel at the United Nations. Obama’s antipathy for Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu has only increased in the last few months. Netanyahu’s campaign against the Iran deal and his re-election that led to the creation on an even more right-wing government has deepened the president’s resolve to increase pressure on the Jewish state to make concessions to the Palestinians. That leaves open the possibility that the administration will stop vetoing Palestinian efforts to gain recognition for their independence at the UN without first having to make peace with Israel.

But the president’s message to the Jews today was that they shouldn’t regard any of this as a sign of his lack of regard for them or Israel.

The argument for accepting this point of view was rehearsed often enough during the 2012 presidential election. We were told then, as we were today, that Obama likes Israel and won’t let anything bad happen to it. But what was different about today’s speech is that the Iran deal and the open scorn that administration officials have directed at Israel in the last year (chickensh*t) while wrongly blaming Netanyahu for the latest collapse of the peace process gives the lie to many of his re-election promises. Nor is it easy to sell a liberal Jewry that was promised in 2012 that Obama would insist that any Iran deal made them give up their nuclear program on the idea that an agreement that treats allows them to keep that program is kosher.

So to justify this open hostility and policies that seem clearly aimed at downgrading the alliance as he embraces Iran, the president was forced to explain his ideas about the nature of friendship with Israel.

Obama sees himself as a critical friend who prefers the Israel of the early years of the country when it was widely lauded as an example of how ideas of social justice could blend with nationalism to the complex reality of the current day:

I came to know Israel as a young man through these incredible images of kibbutzim, and Moshe Dayan, and Golda Meir, and Israel overcoming incredible odds in the ’67 war.  The notion of pioneers who set out not only to safeguard a nation, but to remake the world.  Not only to make the desert bloom, but to allow their values to flourish; to ensure that the best of Judaism would thrive.  And those values in many ways came to be my own values.  They believed the story of their people gave them a unique perspective among the nations of the world, a unique moral authority and responsibility that comes from having once been a stranger yourself.

That is the sort of sentiment that many liberal Jews would echo. They liked the Israel that was run by the Labor Party of previous generations because it didn’t seem too right-wing or religious and acted as if peace were always just around the corner. A lot of Israelis may share that idea but the problem here is that the real life Israel of 2015 is different. More to the point, Israel changed for a reason. If support there for the peace process collapsed, it was because the Palestinians never accepted Israel’s peace offers and responded instead with terrorism.

Obama’s says he is as judgmental of Israel as he is of the United States, and perhaps that is true. But that judgmental attitude is rooted in the notion that he knows better than both Israel’s government and its people what is good for its security or its survival. And he thinks it’s good for the relationship for these differences to be fully aired.

But if there is anything we have learned in the last six-plus years, it is that the daylight between Washington and Jerusalem that Obama came into office seeking has not advanced the cause of peace one bit. To the contrary, his open arguments with Israel’s government have only made it even less likely that the Palestinians will ever accept the legitimacy of a Jewish state no matter where its borders might be drawn. That has enhanced the chances of violence and conflict in a region where Islamist terror has grown on Obama’s watch. His embrace of an entente with an Iran is just as dangerous.

The point here is not just that his Iran deal is a sham or that his refusal to hold the Palestinians accountable for their refusal to make peace is wrongheaded. It is that Obama’s conception of the relationship with Israel is such that he thinks it empowers him to pressure it to adopt policies that are clearly detrimental to its security despite all the lip service for that concept. He not only thinks Netanyahu is wrong, he thinks his delusional nostalgia for the Israel of the past gives him the right to be a scourge to the Israel of the present; even if that means cutting off arms supplies during war (as he did last summer during the conflict with Hamas), isolating it at the UN or allowing Iran to become, at the very least, a threshold nuclear power.

That’s the sort of friendship that is insufferable to a country that is still beset by enemies that are fueled by the rising tide of anti-Semitism around the world that Obama acknowledged. But in its willingness to excuse or reward the behavior of Israel’s open foes, it downgrades the alliance to a conditional relationship rather than a genuine alliance.

Like any democracy, Israel isn’t perfect, but its government and people need no lessons from Barack Obama about values or which policies best serve its long-term interests. Israel doesn’t need to be saved from itself, and anyone who thinks it should be has no respect for the Israeli people. American Jews who warmly applauded Obama’s speech need to understand that friendship on those terms is not only not much of a friendship but also, if he follows through on his threats, tiptoes perilously toward open hostility.

https://www.commentarymagazine.com/2015/05/22/obama-on-israel-a-judgmental-friend-and-its-open-enemies/

"Pretty much every rabbi we know has used his pulpit or his classroom to tell us what he thinks of our flesh. Of course we’re all traumatized. Our bodies have been on communal display for a very long time. Freundel’s actions triggered some of our worst fears and unleashed a lot of trauma. But it’s not enough to say, well, it wasn’t rape, or it’s only one rabbi.... This is the right time for the entire Jewish community to try to understand what really happens when girls’ and women’s bodies are considered communal property".

Stop Minimizing Barry Freundel's Actions By Saying He is Nonviolent

• May 21, 2015
• by Elana Sztokman
• Barry Freundel

BARRY FREUNDEL

One of the most infuriating responses to the Freundel scandal I‘ve heard is the argument, “But it wasn’t rape.” As if to say, what he did was not such a big deal — after all it’s not categorized as a “violent” crime. In one really frustrating exchange I had, a radio host kept insisting that the requested 17-year prison term was too long because “it wasn’t rape,” he said, “I would rather be watched than penetrated.”

This comment is absurd in that it assumes that victims have a choice about how to be violated and that one is “better” than the other, but more dangerously it belies the very real and powerful impact of this category of so-called “non-violent” sexual assault. This is a type of assault that we need to understand better, because in this digital age, it is likely to increase.

What is the damage that is caused to a victim of voyeurism? That is the question that prosecutors in this case were trying to quantify. The prosecutor’s brief, followed by victim testimony in court, painted a portrait of sexual and spiritual trauma. It included victims who are afraid to get undressed, who are having difficulty resuming their intimate relationships, who have trouble trusting rabbis, who cannot walk into synagogue, who cannot walk into a mikveh, who are questioning their entire Jewish identity and religious practice.

Therapists have known for some time that emotional abuse can be just as hard to heal from – if not harder in some cases – than physical abuse. As a friend of mine, who had been in an emotionally abusive relationship for 12 years before her husband hit her, told me: “When you see a black eye, there is no denying that you have a problem that you need to fix. But when it’s emotional abuse, it’s harder to know and identify. And it’s hard to trust yourself.” The victim of so-called non-violent abuse is trapped in a web of mind games: What did I to deserve this? Why am I feeling so bad? Everything is fine, isn’t it? It’s my fault that I’m feeling this way. Recovering from non-violent abuse does not involve surgeons or bandages or rehabilitation. It requires taking ownership again of your own mind and your own truth. It requires learning to trust yourself and trust the world around you, even when the world proved itself to be unsafe. This is the kind of challenge that, for some victims, can take a lifetime.

This particular crime of secretly taping naked women in the mikveh is particularly hard because it violates women’s very basic fears. In order for a woman to immerse in the mikveh – to stand naked in front of a mikveh attendant who asks personal questions, plucks hairs off her back and watches her get in and out of the water – you have to consciously let go of the voice inside your head telling you that this is a bad idea. The idea that I need to strip and be watched in order to be religious is so counter-intuitive, and in fact such a basic violation of basic dignity – but women who immerse systematically put all those feelings aside and are taught that this is trustworthy practice, that the mikveh is safe. No wonder so many women who were not directly victims of Freundel were demonstrably shaken by this story. It proves all the things that our deepest consciousness may have been telling us all along: that going to the mikveh is probably a really bad idea. Who to trust now? How do we make our way back to our religious lives and identities? What is the recovery like for that particular violation?

Voyeurism is often seen as a kind of victimless crime. But that attitude is a mistake. In the digital age, where we spend so much of our day watching images and connecting in non-physical ways, there is a tremendous need to understand how this kind of non-physical violation can harm people. I think there are clues to this in the issue of sexting, for example, where people share intimate photos of themselves thinking that they are for private use but may end of being viewed by others, sometimes virally. Research demonstrates a connection between depression – even suicide – and the sharing of intimate photos. In one study teenagers involved in sexting were more likely to attempt suicide, and were twice as likely to have depressive symptoms as students who weren't involved in sexting. One psychologist described a sense of disillusionment and a sense of betrayal” when the private image gets shared, which leads to depression and regret. “These girls may act real tough and say this doesn't matter but a lot of them do wind up doing some sort of self harm…cutting, bulimia, burning themselves, pulling out eyelashes or pubic hair, or some other sort of self-injurious behavior like alcohol and drug use.” This psychologist is not describing healing from rape; it is about healing from non-contact, non-physical sexual violation.

Society must acknowledge the kind of emotional and psychological scarring this kind of dynamic can cause. It’s not about physical violence, but rather about a form of sexual abuse in which your body and your sexuality is the object of gaze or conversation among people who did not ask for permission to watch or talk about your body. In fact, the most famous victim of this kind of “non-violent” sexual violation is Monica Lewinsky, who recently gave a riveting TED talk about the impact of having the entire universe discuss your sexual life. At times, Lewinsky couldn’t leave her house, and her mother was afraid that she would do something drastic to herself.

Orthodox women and girls have a particular vulnerability to non-contact sexual violation, and not just because of the mikveh practice. It starts much earlier than that. In the Orthodox community, commentary on girls’ bodies is so commonplace that most day schools have staff members whose job description includes watching girls’ knees and elbows for signs of exposure. The entire Orthodox community is taught that this is okay, that it’s normal religious practice for adults to comment on the sexual allure of girls’ bodies. The community never bothers to ask how this practice affects girls’ relationships with their own bodies, and certainly does not ask how it affects girls’ abilities to know when their sexual privacy is being violated. I think that girls who are forced to endure incessant commentary from adult teachers about their skin and body parts are all victims of sexual voyeurism.

And it’s no wonder that so many women – myself included – found ourselves shaking from the Freundel story. Trembling, actually. Our bodies have been watched and measured by an entire community for our whole lives. Pretty much every rabbi we know has used his pulpit or his classroom to tell us what he thinks of our flesh. Of course we’re all traumatized. Our bodies have been on communal display for a very long time.

Freundel’s actions triggered some of our worst fears and unleashed a lot of trauma. But it’s not enough to say, well, it wasn’t rape, or it’s only one rabbi. These events should be used to instigate a communal conversation about what so-called non-violent sexual assault looks like, and what it does to a person. This is the right time for the entire Jewish community to try to understand what really happens when girls’ and women’s bodies are considered communal property.

 SEE:

http://www.minddisorders.com/Py-Z/Voyeurism.html

http://forward.com/sisterhood/308634/stop-minimizing-freundels-actions-by-saying-he-is-nonviolent/