According to the research, made by Israeli TV Channel 10, in the book, distributed by emails only to her friends before her death, she explained her leaving reasons: she claimed that she had to undergo sexual abuse and deviation - outrageous demands by her husband. As a result, she had a mental breakdown, was hospitalized and tried to put an end to her life. In such closed community it is unacceptable to complain to police in such cases. Everything stays inside, with silent approval of the leader, the Rebbe. Eventually, she was forced to leave.

“My husband made me sex-slave and disconnected me from my daughters”

Not in those words, but that implies from the shocking book of Esti Weinstein, a former Ultra-Orthodox, who committed suicide last week in Israel. The death is still shocking the Israeli society

NOTE OF WARNING: Israel Nonstop editor announces hereby that all the facts mentioned here were taken from reliable sources. Yet, as a legal precaution, Israel Nonstop advises to every reader to use his/her own discretion as to the correctness of the facts. Please use your discretion also when exposing this written material in front of small children. Thank you

 

By Ben Landeck

Esti (Esther) Weinstein, a former ultra-Orthodox woman from Jerusalem, has committed suicide a few days ago. The book she left behind her, makes waves of shock in the Israeli society, particularly among followers of Gur Hassidic congregation, which once she belonged.

According to a research, made by Israeli TV Channel 10 (“Friday” show, by Ayala Hasson), in the book, she reveals not only the reasons that caused her to commit suicide, but also – part of the mystery that surrounds the Gur Community and the repressive regime, especially for women.

“Jacob (which obviously is her husband) was practical as always. ‘Take off your clothes and let the man do his job. Avi’, he said to the masseur, ‘undress her completely, well, take off her panties. ” “I feel like I’m doing crimes,” I stammered to Jacob. “I’m your husband and I’m here with you.” 

Esti, while still there. Perfect Mom, wife model

Esti Weinstein, Gur Hassid, married at the age of 19 with S. They had seven daughters. An exemplary mother and wife model. She worked with her husband in the thriving fish shop in the ultra-Orthodox Geula neighborhood of Jerusalem. One morning, eight years ago, Esther left her beloved daughters, left her community and went to Tel-Aviv.

According to the research, made by Israeli TV Channel 10, in the book, distributed by emails only to her friends before her death, she explained her leaving reasons: she claimed that she had to undergo a sexual abuse and deviation outrageous demands by her husband. As a result, she had a mental breakdown, was hospitalized and tried to put an end to her life. In such closed community it is unacceptable to complain to police in such cases. Everything stays inside, with silent approval of the leader, the Rebbe. Eventually, she was forced to leave.

 S., Supposedly, an abusing husband

S., supposedly the abuser (Taken from “Friday” TV show, Israeli Channel 10)

But this was only the beginning of her journey of agony. According to Israeli Channel 10, she could not explain to her young and pure daughters what she went through in those dark nights and why she had to leave them. And then, her husband took advantage of her absence and told to the girls a lot of lies about their “treacherous” mother, with the support of the Hassidic community. Subsequently, so she tells, he prevented her from all contact with her daughters. Only one of her daughters, Tammy Montag, was in constant contact with her after leaving the community like her Mom. “My sisters and my father cut off all contact with us,” said Tammy on Channel 10. “Everything Mom tried to do, did not succeed. My sisters would not accept it and she (Esti) broke slowly, more and more. She had a very serious crisis but tried to contact my sisters and explain to them what made her to leave – but without success.”

Page 148 of the book of Esti:

“Jacob (which obviously is her husband, B.L.) was practical as always. ‘Take off your clothes and let the man do his job. Avi’, he said to the masseur, ‘undress her completely, well, take off her panties. “

“I feel like I’m doing crimes,” I stammered to Jacob. “I’m your husband and I’m here with you.” (Taken from Israeli TV Channel 10).

Later, on channel 10: “Page after page Esti describes how her husband, supposedly, drags her to Tel Aviv, bringing her to masseuses, strange men, and watched delightfully at his naked wife while he was full with satisfaction”.

“That husband actually exacerbated each time the acts”…

Israeli 10 Channel TV, interviewed Attorney Moshe Yitzhak Ausditcher, who represented the deceased during her divorce from abuser husband: “That husband actually exacerbated each time the acts. It started with a massage and it went on until couples swinging. Then he told her that according to Jewish law, now, after being with a stranger, she is prohibited for him at all. So if you aren’t allowed to me, so let’s enjoy ourselves to the end. That did it. But what finally broke her, was that he cut her off from her children”. It is quite clear that in such closed congregation, many knew about the ordeal Esti went through, but did nothing.

Attorney Ausditcher: “Well, she left. So, man, because your sex-slave ran away from you, you hang her up from the children? Why the kids should be in the middle?”

Supposedly, Brainwashed Daughters

The attorney presents one of many letters she received from her daughters, in response to the request of their begging mother to meet. This one, written by a 13 year old....

Esti, with Tami, her only daughter who hasn’t turned her back

 “I’m mad at you, I will not forgive you, you are mentally ill. You are vile and cruel. I Hope not to see you forever.” With similar language, also replied another daughter, 11 year old. “It is clear”, says the lawyer, “that someone feed them with those words and attitude”.

Even during Esti’s funeral, in eulogy for her mother, one of the older girls continued with those brainwashed accusations, blaming her dead mother of leaving them seemingly without reason…
Last week Esti was found dead in her car near the beach in Ashdod. In the suicide note, accompanying by the book manuscript, Esti wrote that she committed suicide mainly because she misses her daughters…

Hassidic Gur Congregation: “Sexual asceticism, confidentiality regulations”

The tragic death of Esti Weinstein and the book she left behind, opened a Pandora’s box about the mysteries of Gur Hassidic Congregation, the biggest in its kind in Israel. One of their prominent figures today – the Israeli Health Minister, Rabbi Yaacov Litzman.

“Holy Company”

In the closed community, people refuse to talk and respond. But some secrets are well known: Extreme sexual asceticism, total control over the lives of individuals, psychiatric balls – and a double life. Some Hassidic women, agreed to talk, but provided that their name not be mentioned.

They told the reporter about the term “Holy Company” – Holiness between man and wife, plus a lot of restrictions and hardware beyond what the “Halacha” (Religious Jewish code) wishes. “For example, if Jewish law requires that spouses will be distant for two weeks during the female period and after, the Gurs expand it for life time. Another restriction: A total ban on any contact between husband and wife (including a touch of affection). So far, that it is not allowed even to pass any object between husband and wife directly from her hand to his and vice versa, but to put it first in a “neutral” place… it is also forbidden to sit on the same chair. ”

“Any deviation is reported to the ‘Guide’”

There is also a strict limitation of the number of times permitted to maintain sexual relations during the month (only twice); Very long period of celibacy after each birth of a child, and being careful not to call women with their given names. The regulations cannot be found in any official document of the Hassidic group, deliberately. They are whispered from the “Guide man” to the ears of the young couple before the wedding and after. Any deviation of one partner – is reported and executed by the guide. In fact, all communications between the couple in the first period of the marriage is conducted through the “guide” that guides the parties how to proceed, and how to respond to any request or inquiry.

“A ‘shattered Rebbe’ who started it all”

The first figure who’s responsible for those unusual regulations, that had caused a real storm in the Haredi community – was “The Israel House”, Rebbi Israel Alter. The Rebbe lost his entire family in the Holocaust, and this left him broken down into pieces. Those Gur women, who volunteered the information, say that probably “Something was wrong with him, regarding his sexual life, with a need for sacred asceticism”. The current rabbi’s, they tell, is spiritually far below Rabbi Alter. “He is just a person with a lot of money, leaning on his ancestors who were great rabbis. The top persons of Gur just use all the power and money that they have to keep control of them all. ”

“Pills for killing sexual desire”

There are also complaints about the use of psychiatric pills originally used for severe diseases – to suppress the libido, for those who do not comply with the stiff rules. In the “Yeshivot” (ultra-orthodox colleges) there are supervisors who ‘persuade’ students to use such pills, as a condition for continuation of their studies. Some psychiatrists have collaborated and wrote prescriptions for these drugs.

Dasi just wanted him to call her name… 

According to these women, the driving is not spiritual values or content, but only the oldest desires of human beings: power, control, money and sexism. There are couples there who are not allowed to have sex beyond a few seconds in the dark. Women tell of a lack of love, affection or just a hug.

Dasi, the heroine of Esti Weinstein’s book, tells how her husband hadn’t called her by her name. “My husband, like all the Gur Hasidim, called me ‘come here’, or ‘tell’. That was my name among those first years after the wedding … I felt very strongly that I want to hear him pronounce my name on his lips. sometimes I’d go after him in like a shadow, and imagine how suddenly he turns around and uses that wonder word “Dasi”. I was trembling while imagining this special moment. ” 

Gur Congregation reaction: Through all the media, used for this report, Gur denied all the facts but refused to refer to the details mentioned here.

                                           * * *

NOTE OF WARNING: Israel Nonstop editor announces hereby that all the facts mentioned here were taken from reliable sources. Yet, as a legal precaution, Israel Nonstop advises to every reader to use his/her own discretion as to the correctness of the facts. 

https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=21519732#editor/target=post;postID=1390671416942613352

תקנות חסידי גור
חלק ב' - בנות הסמינרים
1. אסור ללכת לאכול במסעדה.
2. אסור חוגים מחוץ לסמינר.
3. אסור להסתכל לגברים בעיניים.
4. להמעיט בדיבור עם אחיינים מעל גיל 13.
5. אסור לדבר עם גיסים.
6. אין לשיר ליד אחים.
7. אין מגע עם אב/סב.
8. אסור פלאפון.
9. אסור להתחבר לבנות מחוץ לחסידות, גם לא חסידויות אחרות.
10. אסור חולצת לייקרה.
11. חצאית אורך אמצע בלבד (אורך עד האמצע בין הברך לקרסול).
12. אסור שום איפור בסמינר, עד שמתארסים, או ממש לפני כן.
13. אסור מסקרה או כל איפור עיניים.
14. אסור להתנדב בארגוני חסד לא גוראים.
15. אסור להעביר לשום גבר שום דבר מיד ליד. היתר מיוחד אם מדובר בחפץ גדול ואין שום אפשרות להניח (וכך נוצרת הסיטואציה המלבבת של בחורה שמתכופפת לרגליו של אברך כדי להניח שטר כסף על הרצפה).
16. לזוז לקצה המדרכה כשגבר עובר.
17. אסור לבת בסמינר לגעת בפלאפון, אפילו כשר. אם חייבים, הן נותנות לאחות הקטנה להחזיק את הפלאפון ולהתקשר בשבילן.
18. להחביא את הגוף. כל המתבגרות נהיות כפופות, כדי להסתיר את החזה, ומי שלא מבינה לבד שזה נדרש - מקבלת הכוונה.
19. אסור לשבת ליד נהג מונית.
20. אסור להישאר בחתונות של חברות אחרי 11:00.
22. אסור לשמוע רדיו, גם לא תחנות חרדיות.
23. אסור להגיד שלום לגיסים.
24. חובה להקפיד על הוצאת מילות התפילה בהגייה החסידית המדויקת (ואם טועים אפילו בנקודה אחת, כל התפילה לא שווה כי אינה מצטרפת לזכות אבות).
25. אסור ללכת לים בנות לבד.
26. אסור לפגוש את החתן.
27. אסור לדבר עליו עם חברות.
29. אסור ללכת בלי חלוק בים.
30. במחנה, אסור ללבוש בגד ים בבריכה רק בגדים. 3 חלקים וגרביונים.
31. אסור לשמוע שירים חסידים מודרנים.
32. ליפא שמעלצער - מנודה.
33. כשהולכים לביסמדרש בשבת, צריך לצאת אחרי 'כתר'.
34. אסור ללכת דרך הרחוב שבו נמצאת יציאת הגברים, ולא בשעות שהגברים הולכים.
35. אסור לענות אמן בקול בתפילה.
36. אסור להעמד לקדיש, כי רעש הכסאות יפריע לגברים.
37. כשאת מדברת עם גברים תשפילי מבט ותשמרי על מרחק. אם יש רהיט בחדר- שהוא יפריד ביניכם. ההוראה חלה על כל הגברים כולל בני משפחה.
38. כשהמנהל נכנס לסמינר, כולן עולות קומה או ממהרות להתרחק לצד.
39. אסור להגיד לגבר זר 'אתה'. אם מדברים עם רופא או מנהל או מישהו שחייבים לדבר איתו, אומרים לו 'אתם'. במשפחה מותר להגיד 'אתה' רק לאבא, סבא או אחים. השאר (כולל גיסים) - 'אתם'.
40. אסור חולצות בחוץ.
41. אסור תיק צד, ובטח שלא תיק אלכסון. רק תיק עם ידית להחזקה ביד.
42. אסור מסטיק ברחוב.
43. פעם בחודש מתפללים ביחד באולם, ובנות והמנהלת הן 'חזניות' בתורות, כדי להרגיל את הבנות להגייה החסידית הנכונה.
44. מדלגים על רש"י בפסוקים 'בעייתיים' בוויקרא, ואומרים "זה הסבר דקדוקי אפשר לדלג".
45. לא שרים באוטובוס בטיול.
46. אסור לראות סרטים לא חרדים.
47. לא כותבים י"ב אדר, אלא י"ב באדר.
48. כשנוסעים באוטובוס צריך לעלות מקדימה ולשלם, ואז לרדת ולעלות מאחורה כדי לא לעבור בין הגברים בקדמת האוטובוס.
49. לנגן בגיטרה 'פחות מתאים' לבחורה חסידית.
50. חובה לאסוף את השיער. בשום אופן לא פזור. אסור שיער פזור באורך יותר מעד האוזניים (= איסוף לקוקו עכברוש).
51. אסור ללכת בקבוצה של יותר מ-4 בנות יחד ברחוב.
52. אסור חצאיות לבנות או בהירות.
53. אסור ללכת ברחוב יפו.
54. לא אומרים הריון, אומרים 'מצב'.
55. אסור עגילים מתנדנדות.
56. אסור צמיד עם תולים.
57. חלילה מלהזכיר קניון.
58. בפגישה עם הבחור, אסור להגיש שתיה, כי זה עלול לקרב את הלבבות.
59. אסור לשבת על מדרגה או על גזע עץ.
60. אסור לשבת בת על בת.
61. לא ראוי לשבת רגל על רגל.
62. לא לשבת בפיסוק רגליים.
63. לא ישנים אצל חברות.
64. אין לחבק חברה חיבוק ארוך.
65. אסור להשאר לבד עם ילדים מעל גיל 9.
66. אסור לרכב על חמור או סוס.
67. אסור לנסוע באופניים.
68. אסור ללכת לאתרים שפתוחים בשבת (אז כל שנה בטיול נוסעים לאותו מקום).
69. אסור לסדר גבות.
70. עדיף דאודורנט בלי ריח, דאב או ספיד סטיק.
71. לא לשים בושם.
72. אסור לצבוע ריסים.
73. לא הולכים לארועים חילונים.
74. לא מדברים על מחזור.
75. לא אומרים חזייה ר"ל, אומרים 'פריט עליון'.
76. צריך להימנע מלהגיד את המילה משגע.
77. אסור להגיד מחזור, אומרים 'ימים מיוחדים'.
78. אסור ללבוש מותגים. אם קונים מותג צריך להוריד את הטיקט שלו (גם אם הטיקט תפור באופן חיצוני וכחלק מהעיצוב).
79. חובה להגיד 3 פרקי תהילים, וללמוד הלכות שמירת הלשון.
80. אסור טמפונים לפני החתונה. רק תחבושות.
82. מי שסוגרת כפתור ראשון, זוכה מיידית לבנים תלמידי חכמים עד סוף הדורות.
83. אסור נעליים עם עקב יותר מ-5 ס"מ.
84. אסור חולצות עם חצי שרוול מעל חולצה אחרת.
85. כשלומדים למבחנים, אסור יותר מ-4 בנות יחד.
86. במחנה אסור שתי בנות לבד בחדר.
87. כנ"ל אסור לנעול את החדר.
88. בשישי לפני שיש שבת סטאנציע בסמינר, צריך להחביא את כל הספרי קודש בארון שמא יראו שם של בחורה.
89. אסור לעשות לחברות נעימי בגב. גם לא עם עפרון.
90. אסור לרקוד הורה ביותר מידי התלהבות.
91. לפני הסטאנציע מכסים את כל התמונות במסדרונות, שהיה בהן בנות או זכר לבנות.
92. אין הסרת שיער, אלא בשעת הדחק.
93. מחולות, מוגבלים בתנועות המותרות לביצוע, ומורה מבוגרת תשגיח על תהליך היצירה והחזרות.
94. אסור לרוץ ברחוב.
95. אסור להתייחס לגיסים בשמם כאשר משוחחים אודותיהם אלא רק "בעלה של".
96. אסור נעלי ספורט.
97. אסור רוכסן מקדימה.
98. אסור חצאית קומות.
99. אסור פלטפורמה.
100. אסור קפוצ'ון או אפודה עם כובע.
101. אסור שום דבר עם כיתובים, למשל חולצה עם כיתוב, או אפילו פיג'מה.
102. אסור גולגול בשיער, או קליפס.
103. אסור נשיקה או חיבוק מאבא, ומקפידים גם להמעיט במגע בכלל.
104. גם בת שהתארסה עם בחור לא גוראי, נאסר עליה להפגש איתו.
105. אסורה חצאית עם כיסים מאחורה, או רוכסן בולט או בצבע אחר.
106. לא הולכים ברחוב עם אבא או אח.
107. לסעודה שלישית בארגון מותר להביא רק זיתים, מלפפונים חמוצים, חומוס, טחינה, תירס, וחלה יבשה.
108. בארגון, אסור לשיר בקול שמא ישמעו ברחוב.
109. אסור לדבר עם הבנות מהסמינר של האמריקאיות, כי הן מקולקלות.
110. אסור ללכת עם תיק או חצאית או אקססורי מבד חאקי, כי זה של חיילים.
111. אסור לצאת לרחוב בשיער רטוב.
112. אסור לסדר את השיער עם ג'ל שיש לו מראה רטוב (הכלל חל גם על בעלות שיער אפרו).
113. בבני ברק: אסור ללכת דרך רח' רבי יוסי, כי שם ממוקמת הישיבה.
114. רישום לחדר כושר (גם חרדי) מצריך אישור מיוחד.
115. אסור ללכת להופעות זמר חסידיות, אפילו אם ההופעה נפרדת. אם המשפחה הולכת - צריך להישאר בבית.
116. אסור להראות לחברות תמונות של החתן מהווארט.
117. אסור להירשם לספריה שאינה ספריית הסמינר.
118. אסור להתחבר עם בנות שאינן מהכיתה, קל וחומר שלא משכבה אחרת.
119. אסור נעל או סנדל פתוח מקדימה שרואים את האצבעות.
120. אסור לטוס לחו"ל בלי אישור הנהלה, אפילו אם מדובר בחתונה של אח או אחות.
121. לא אומרים תודה לנהג, מאבטח או נותן שירות.
122. שיער מתולתל חובה לאסוף, אפילו אם הוא ממש קצר.
123. אסור ללבוש סוודר מבד פוטר.
124. אסור ללבוש גרביים בהירות מצבע "נטורל", ואם התבהרו בכביסה יש לרכוש חדשות.
125. לבנות לפני סמינר אסור ללבוש גרביים.
126. אסור לרוץ ברחוב.
127. אסור לאכול ברחוב.
128. אסור ללכת לטייל בליל שבת, ואם צריך לצאת להימנע מלעבור ברחובות הראשיים.
129. אסור לגרוב גרביים שחורות.
130. אסור ללבוש חצי-מגף.
131. בבני ברק: אסור ללבוש מגפיים אלא אם ירד גשם בחצי השעה שלפני היציאה לסמינר.
132. אסור להביא לסמינר מותגים של מכשירי כתיבה.
133. אסור לגרוב גרבי כותנה משום סוג.
134. אסור לכלות לדבר על ההדרכה.
135. בנות שנישאו עוברות לכיתה מיוחדת לנשואות, כדי למנוע דיבורים מיותרים בין נשואות לרווקות.
136. חדש מהשנה האחרונה: אסור לתת נשיקה על הלחי בין בנות, גם לא לכלה שהתארסה.
137. אסור לשוחח עם חברות על מחזור וכדו'.
138. אסור ללבוש או להחזיק באקססוריז מבד ג'ינס או בדים המזכירים את הצבע או המרקם (כולל ארנק וקלמר).
139. אחרי הליכה לבריכה, לא מורידים את בגד הים הרטוב, אלא לובשים את הבגדים מעל הבגד הרטוב, ומזדרזים הביתה.
140. לאחר הרצאה לא מוחאים כפיים, אלא רק נעמדים לאות כבוד.
141. אסור לשרוק.
142. במהלך המחנה או תוכניות חברתיות אסור בשום אופן לצעוק "אוווו" או לשרוק, או לעודד בכל דרך מלבד שירה ומחיאת כפיים.
143. אסור ללבוש שמלות מקסי לאירועים. גם לא לחתונה של אח/ות.
144. מן הראוי שלא לסדר גבות.
145. אסור לעשות ביביסיטר / להתנדב כשיש גבר בבית.
146. אסור לקנות שום דבר בקופיקס, ואסור לבנות הסמינר להיכנס לקופיקס.
147. אסור לפנות למורה בגוף שני אלא בגוף שלישי בלבד. "המורה יכולה לבדוק בבקשה..."
148. אסור לצאת מהסמינר בהפסקה לקנות אוכל.
149. אסור להגיד "גזעי" (בבני ברק הפכו את זה ל"גיזייגינען").
150. אסור להיכנס לbody shop.
151. חובה ללבוש גופיה מתחת לחולצת התלבושת גם בימים חמים מאד.
152. אסור ללבוש חזייה חלקה אלא רק עם תפר.
153. אסור להסתכל על אחים של חברות מעל גיל 9.
154. אסור ללבוש חולצה עם 'פנסים' כי היא מדגישה את צורת הגוף. גם לא אחת עם 'פנסים' רק מאחורה.
155. אסור להציע שתיה לפועל שמגיע הביתה. אפשר רק להניח בקבוק וכוס בחדר ולצאת.
156. צריך להתחבא בעזרת נשים של הבית כנסת כשעוברים שם גברים.
157. כשנכנסים למונית יש לומר מיד בקרירות "תכבה את הרדיו", ואסור להגיד "אתה יכול לכבות את הרדיו בבקשה?"
158. אם רואים את החתן ברחוב צריך לברוח.
159. אסור להתעמל עם מכנסיים בלבד, חייבים להתעמל עם חצאית מעל למכנסי ההתעמלות.
160. אסור לעשות אסיפות כיתה עצמאיות.
161. אסור לקרוא ספרים שאינם חרדיים.
162. אסור לקרוא את רוב ספרי הוצאת 'פלדהיים'.
163. תיק גב מותר רק בטיולים, ורק על 2 הכתפיים. אסור ללבוש רק על כתף אחת.
164. מי שמקפידה לא לשיר גם ליד אבא, תזכה לזכויות עצומות.
165. אין ללכת בלבוש מרושל כמנהג המתנחלות.
(הרשימה ראשונית, וחלקית בלבד)

 VERY LOOSELY AND QUICKLY TRANSLATED:

Regulations Hasidic Gur
Part b - girls seminars
1. Shouldn't go eat at the restaurant.
2. Forbidden activities outside of the seminar.
3. Never look  men in the eye.
4. No contact with  nephews over the age of 13.
5.  not allowed to talk with in-laws.
I don't have a title by 6. Brothers.
7., no contact with Father / grandfather.
8. Not allowed a phone.
9. You cannot build outside
10. Forbidden shirt lycra.
11. Skirt only (Mid-length length half way between the knee, ankle).
12. No  makeup seminar
13. Forbidden mascara or any makeup eyes.
14. Forbidden volunteer organizations
15. Must not pass any man anything from hand to hand. Special permit if it's a large object and there is no option to assume (thus forming the situation of lovely girl that bends at the feet of the bid to get bill money on the floor).
16. Go to the edge of the sidewalk when a man goes through.
17. Forbidden daughter seminar cell  phone, even kosher. If you have to give to the little sister hold your phone and call for them.
18. Hide the body. All teenage girls getting bent, to hide his chest, and who doesn't understand alone it required - getting directions.
19. No sitting next to a taxi driver.
20. Not allowed to stay at weddings of friends after 11:00.
22. Must not hear radio stations, nor orthodox.
23.-in-laws can't say hello.
24. Must keep his words exact pronunciation
Not allowed to go to the beach 25. Girls alone.
26. Not allowed to meet the groom.
27. Should never discuss with friends.
29. We should not go without a robe in the sea.
30. in the camp, not allowed to wear a bathing suit in the pool just clothes. 3 parts and tights.
31. Must not hear songs modern disciples.
32. Lipa şmʻlẕʻr - outcast.
When you go 33. On Saturday, need lbysmdrş out after 'Crown'.
34. Shouldn't go through the street where the exit is men, not the hours  men go.
35. Not allowed to answer out loud in prayer. Amen
36. Forbidden to kaddish, because noise interferes with chairs for men.
37. When you talk with men lower and keep your distance. If there's a piece of furniture in the room. He separates you. Order applies to all men, including family members.
38. When the manager came in for the seminary hurry to get away to the side.
39. You can't say to a stranger. You '. Speaking with a doctor or a manager or someone that gotta talk to him, telling him 'you'. Family can say ' you just get to dad, grandpa or brothers. Rest (including brother-in-law) - 'you'.
40. Shirts are not allowed outside.
41. Forbidden a satchel, much less bag diagonal. Just a bag with a handle to holding in my hand.
42. Forbidden Gum on the street.
43. Once a month. Praying together in the hall, and girls are the principal
44. SKIPPING problematic
45. Don't sing on the bus trip.
46. Must not see movies not orthodox.
Don't write 47. Th Grade Maple, but senior baader.
48. Driving past the bus needs to come up front and pay, then to go up and down the back so as not to pass between the men in the front of the bus.
49. to play guitar on the bottom right " Hasidic girl.
50. Must pick up my hair. No way down. Forbidden hair length than just ears (= pickup rat's nest).
51. We should not go in a group of more than 4 girls on the streets together.
52. Forbidden skirts girls or clarity.
53. We should not go on Jaffa Street.
54. Don't say pregnancy, say ' way '.
55. Forbidden dangling earrings
56. Forbidden Bracelet with hanging.
God forbid 57. Mention Canyon.
58. Meeting with the guy, not allowed to serve drinks, because it might bring those hearts.
59. No sitting on or step on a log.
60. years old. No sitting on Beth.
61. Don't deserve to sit with her legs crossed.
62. No sit straddling legs.
63. Don't sleep with friends.
No girlfriend.

 64. NO Hug a long hug.
65. Must not be left alone with children over the age of 9.
66. Forbidden to ride a donkey or a horse.
67. No riding a bike.
68. Restricted sites open on Saturday (so every year on the trip going to the same place).
69. Shouldn't fix eyebrows.
70. Preferably Unscented Deodorant, dove or speed stick.
71. No perfume.
72. Not allowed to color eyelashes.
73. Not going secular events.
74. Don't talk about recycling.
75. Don't say bra  " to, say ' Top item '.
76. Need help saying the word gorgeous.
Class of 77. are not allowed to say, say 'special days'.
78. Must not wear designer labels. If you buy a brand.
79. MUST SAY 3 Psalms, and learn of chief keeping tongue.
80. Forbidden Tampons before the wedding. Just bandages.
82. Who closes a button first, gets immediately white students by the end of the ages.
83. Forbidden shoes with a heel for more than 5 inches.
84. Forbidden shirts with half sleeve over another shirt.
85. When you're studying for the boards, not allowed more than 4 girls together.
86. Camp must not two girls alone in the room.
87. Likewise forbidden to lock the room.
88. On a Friday before having shabbat stʼnẕyʻ seminar, shouldn't hide in the closet all holy hasfari lest they see a girl's name.
89. You can't do the back. Friendship Naimy Even with a pencil.
90. Forbidden dance parent too much enthusiasm.
91.covering all the pictures in the hallways, had them build a girls or a male.
92. No hair removal, but in times of displacement.
93. Dances, limited movement luxury to commit, and tutor an adult watch the creative process and returns.
94. No running in the street.
95. Can't think of in-laws on their behalf when chatting about them but only the "husband of".
96. Must not wear sneakers.
97. Forbidden Zipper in front.
98. Forbidden Skirt floors.
99. Not allowed platform shoes.
100. Forbidden a hoodie or a sweater with a hat.
101. Forbidden anything with a caption, for example, a shirt with writing on it, or even pajamas.
102. Forbidden hair clip.
103. Forbidden kiss or a hug from dad,  also diminish in contact at all.
104.- Getting engaged to a guy forbidden to meet him.
105. Forbidden Skirt with pockets in the back, or fasteners bolt or a different color.
106. Not walking down the street with dad or brother.
107. Third feast in the organization allowed only bring olives, pickles, hummus, tahini sauce, corn, dry and there was a problem.
108.  Not allowed to sing aloud lest they hear on the street.
109. Are not allowed to talk with the girls from the seminary of American, because they are broken.
110. We should not go with a skirt  khaki cloth, because it's soldiers garb.
111.? Can't be out with wet hair.
112. Shouldn't fix your hair with gel has wet look (rule apply to hair Afro).
113. Bnei Brak: never go through st Jose, because seating is located there.
114.  the gym too (Orthodox) requires special permission.
115. Shouldn't go to concerts singer performance, even if you broke up with. If the family going to stay home.
116. Not allowed to show friendship photos of groom
117. Forbidden Library register non library seminar.
118. Shouldn't make friends with girls who aren't from class, let alone not another layer.
119. Forbidden Shoe or sandal open front sight on my fingers.
120. Not allowed to go abroad without management approval, even if it's at the wedding of a brother or sister.
121. Don't say thank you to the driver, security guard, or giving service.
122. Curly hair a must pick up, even if he is really short.
123. Should not wear a sweater cloth potter.
124. Should not wear socks bright color for "naturelle", If cleared up in the wash. Have to purchase new.
125. Build before seminar should never wear socks.
126. No running in the street.
127. No eating on the street.
128. Shouldn't go for a walk on Sunday morning, and if i have to go out and avoid the main thoroughfares.
129. Should never wear black socks.
130. Not allowed to wear a boot and a half.
131. Bnei Brak: never wear boots unless it rained half hour before the exit for the seminar.
Nobody can bring to the seminar 132. Brands of stationery.
133. Must not wear cotton socks of any kind.
134. Brides should not talk about mentoring.
135. Girls who got married on travels to class special or avoid talking too much between married single gals.
136. New in the last year, you do not give a kiss on my cheek between the girls, not even for a bride that got engaged.
137. Not allowed to talk to friends about recycling and stuff '.
138. Not allowed to wear or hold  cloth jeans or fabrics that resemble the colour or texture (including wallet
139. After walking to the pool, don't do the wet bathing suit, but wearing my clothes wet clothing above, wherever. Home.
140. After a lecture not clapping, but just stand up an honorary one.
141. Forbidden to whistle.
142. During camp or social programs absolutely cannot shout "ooooh" or whistling, or encourage any way other than  applause.
143. Not allowed to wear dresses maxi events. Nor for the wedding of siblings.
144. Shouldn't fix eyebrows.
145. Not allowed to babysit / volunteer when there's a man in the house.
146. Can I not buy anything
147. Forbidden to approach the teacher but the second person in the third person only. " teacher can check please..."
148. Seminary on break can't go buy food.
149. I can't say " cool "
150. Aren't allowed in to the body shop.
151. Compulsory to wear a tank top under your shirt outfit too extremely hot days.
152. Should not wear a bra smooth only with stitch.
153. Aren't allowed to look at siblings of friends over the age of 9.
154. Should not wear a shirt  because it emphasizes the shape of the body.
155. Shouldn't offer drinks carried that comes home. One can only assume a bottle and a cup in the room and out.
156. Should hide with women of the synagogue when there are men.
157. Entering the cab have a coldly say immediately "turn off the radio", Forbidden to say " you can turn off the radio please?"
158. If you see the groom in street should run away from him.
159. Shouldn't exercise with pants only, must exercise with a skirt over pants gym.
160. You can't do independent assemblies.
161. Not allowed to read books.
162. Don't get to read the most books pulled ' FELDHEIM Publishers '.
163. Backpack allowed only for hikes, and only about 2 shoulders. Not allowed to wear only on one shoulder.
164. Do not sing near dad,
165. Doesn't have to go dressed sloppy

FOR BOYS AND MEN:

As stage one, for community’s benefit, we’ve gathered together several dozen hasidei Gur, strained our memories, and written down the regulations pertaining to unmarried yeshiva students (preliminary version only):

1. It’s forbidden for two students to sit at the same time on one bed.
2. It’s forbidden for two students to be alone in a room.
3. It’s forbidden to touch another student.
4. It’s forbidden to change your suit all at one time; rather one must remove half; dress – then remove the other half and dress.
5. It’s forbidden to sleep in pajamas. One must sleep in a white shirt, woolen tzitzit, and long underwear that is changed only under the blanket.
6. It’s forbidden to bath / shower at home – only in the mikveh.
7. It’s forbidden to be awake after 10 p.m.
8. It’s forbidden to take an afternoon nap in bed – only in the beis medrash or shteibel.
9. You must wear a hat during prayer.
10. You must eat with a hat.
11. One says Birchat HaMazon with a tissue under his kippa (when a hat is not available).
12. One does not speak to his aunts.
13. Yeshiva boys do not attend weddings.
14. Brothers are not present at the Mitzvah Tantz.
15. Yeshiva boys are not present at the Chuppa.
16. It’s forbidden to say the word “kallah”.
17. It’s forbidden to go to the mikveh every day.
18. Yeshiva boys do not sing “Eshet Chayil”.
19. Yeshiva boys do not wear a velvet kippa.
20. It’s forbidden to use deodorant or cologne.
21. It’s forbidden to bath with soap during the week – only on Erev Shabbat may soap be used.
22. It’s forbidden to sleep when at home on Shabbat afternoon.
23. Eyeglasses must have plastic frames only.
24. One may only use “Hawaii” shampoo.
25. One must tuck his peyote under his kippa, except when in Jerusalem, where they be left hanging loose.
26. It’s forbidden to comb one’s hair.
27. It’s forbidden to look in a mirror. One who looks in a mirror is called a “woman”.
28. It’s forbidden to enter the kitchen of the yeshiva.
29. It’s forbidden to have a Walkman or MP3 player.
30. One does not go to the mikveh after morning prayers.
31. Prayers are said standing (even those portions where one is permitted to sit).
32. It’s forbidden to lift another boy on your shoulders.
33. Even Tachanun is said standing.
34. It’s forbidden to say the words “woman” or “girl”.
35. It’s forbidden to sing non-Gur nigunim.
36. It’s forbidden to say “my mother”, “my sister”, “my aunt”.
37. It’s forbidden to say toilets or urinals – only “beis kees” or “maichen” or “asher yotzar”.
38. One is obligated to be tested on 125 pages of Talmud every year.
39. One must learn every day applied Jewish law (halacha) for an hour.
40. One writes a kvitel (note) to the Admur only together with the mashgiach (spiritual adviser) of the yeshiva.
41. It’s forbidden to wear a wristwatch. Watches are kept in one’s pocket.
42. On weekdays, only a stringlike gartel (belt) is worn.
43. One wears a white shirt with the buttons on the right side only.
44. Ones wears a plain white shirt only. Not one with a woven pattern.
45. It’s forbidden to read a newspaper (the neighbors of all the yeshivot are familiar with this regulation).
46. A weekday suit jacket has three buttons. A Shabbat suit jacket has 6 buttons in the front and two in the back.
47. On Shabbat it’s permitted to wear a thick gartel woven of 12 strands.
48. One doesn’t ask a boy who’s just become engaged the family name of his prospective in-laws – and how much more so, not the name of the kallah!
49. One does not say that “paloni almoni just had a baby girl” – only “paloni alomoni is making a kiddush”.
50. One must bid “goodbye” to the Admur (during communal gatherings) – otherwise no one will risk riding with you on the return autobus.
51. One does not cut his peyot. If they are extremely long, one may shorten them by burning the ends somewhat – but it should not look like he cut them with a scissors.
52. It’s forbidden to have a “number 1” or “number two” haircut – only a “zero” bald buzzcut.
53. One does not wear a gartel in the street – only when the yeshiva in order to separate oneself from “machshavot zarot” (strange thoughts).
54. One walks with one’s head downcast in the street in order not to see forbidden things.
55. It’s forbidden to ride a bike.
56. It’s forbidden to use even a “kosher” (non-internet) cellphone.
57. It’s forbidden to speak freely when not wearing a long jacket – only “nu?” or “uh?”.
58. One must wear one’s pants tucked into black stockings.
59. 10:00 p.m. is bedtime.
60. One must learn 5 hours during the six weeks of the shovavim (a period between Chanukah and the month of Adar).
61. One must wash his feet before 10 p.m.
62. One must recite the 3 chapters of Psalms every morning, as specified in the order of the Beis Yisroel (Gerrer Rebbe from 1948 to 1973).
63. Every day one says the chapters of Psalms that the Rebbe gave him at the time of his bar-mitzvah.
64. Once in bed at night it is forbidden to speak – only to say “uhh”.
65. It’s forbidden to go to your married brother’s house, only to your married sister’s.
66. It’s forbidden to go to the “oofroof” of one’s sister’s chosan.
67. It’s forbidden to go to the Sheva Brachot of one’s brother.
68. When attending Sheva Brachot, one leaves before the recital of the actual brachot.
69. It’s forbidden to go to the Sheva Brachot given by your relative’s in-laws family.
70. A regulation for the “advanced”: one does not say the word “copper”.
71. One does not say “X is engaged” – only “X became a chosen”.
72. It’s forbidden to attend the engagement party of one’s brother – only of one’s sister.
73. It’s forbidden to wear shoes with laces, only old fashioned chasidishe “loafer” style shoes.
74. It’s forbidden to smoke.
75. It’s forbidden to speak with the security guard of the yeshiva.
76. One calls the yeshiva’s cook “klafteh”.
77. One does not sing “Kol Chatan veKol Kallah” – only “Kol Sasone veKol Simcha”.
78. Yeshiva boys do not wear a vest.
79. One does not speak should he wake up before dawn.
80. It’s forbidden to sit on any bed but your own.
81. It’s forbidden to go to the beach.
82. It’s forbidden to go to a hotel.
83. One does not go to a Shalom Zachur.
84. One never wears boxer shorts, only “gatkes” – long underpants.
85. A chosen after his engagement must act as if he forgot that he was engaged.
86. One never says he has to take a piss – only “number one”.
87. One doesn’t go to other rebbes – only the Gerrer.
88. One always enters the yeshiva dining room wearing a hat.
89. A person who uses improper language is yelled at “fehhhh!”
90. It’s forbidden to have a casual chat on Shabbat during the breaks in the schedule of the yeshiva.
91. One doesn’t chat during Seudah Shleesheet on Shabat.
92. It’s forbidden to eat chocolate during the break in the schedule on Shabbat morning.
93. It’s forbidden to eat sunflower and pumpkins seeds.
94. Three boys are forbidden to sit together at one table.
95. It’s forbidden to take a walk in the street for no purpose.
96. It’s forbidden at communal meals to use a fork on one’s private plate; rather one uses a fork to take food from the communal plate.
97. It’s forbidden to say “the Rebbe doesn’t sleep”.
98. When one says a bracha without a hat, one puts one’s hand one his kippa.
99. Sweaters without buttons or with a zipper are forbidden. Only sweaters with buttons are permitted.
100. On Shabbat one prays in a kappotah only. Never in a flowered “dressing gown”.

·https://www.facebook.com/frumwatch/?fref=nf

"At YU, no one who committed child sex crimes went to jail, no one who covered-up the abuse was fired or forced to resign, the details of the abuse were concealed, and YU didn’t pay a dime to its victims."

Yeshiva University’s Child Molesters

In 2013, Yeshiva University was sued by 34 plaintiffs alleging that they were sexually abused when they were students there. Although the Torah does not recognize a statute of limitations, YU invoked this arbitrary secular law to get the lawsuit dismissed, arguing that the plaintiffs filed their claims too late.

Due to the scandalous revelations contained in the lawsuit and the resultant public outcry, YU hired a law firm to investigate it. YU’s Board of Trustees pledged to make public the “specific details” of the investigation. But before the report could be made public, the law firm claimed that a “Special Committee” (it doesn’t say who was on the committee)intervened and directed it not to report the details, reneging on YU’s public pledge of transparency. The result was that the law firm issued a 53-page report that said nothing about the pervasive sexual and physical abuse of YU students except, for a vague 3-paragraph summary buried on page 8.

The summary stated the obvious — that numerous students were indeed sexually and physically abused over the course of many years by a number of individuals in positions of authority. It also stated that the abuse wasn’t just limited to YU’s high school, but extended to other YU facilities that were not identified. It further stated that members of YU’s administration were aware of the abuse, and on multiple occasions did not act to protect students — and sometimes didn’t even respond to allegations of abuse.

The report did not name a single child molester known to YU and its rabbis. It did not name a single rabbi or administration official who knew about the abuse, covered-up the molesters, ignored victims, and did nothing to protect YU students. It did not identify who quashed the full report. It did not reveal how many students were molested, during what time period, or if the abuse extended beyond just the boys or if it also included girls and women at YU educational facilities.

The report did not explain why YU officials did not warn other Orthodox institutions who subsequently hired its child sex predators. It did not explain why YU has assumed no responsibility for caring for, healing, and adequately compensating students who have suffered their entire lives due to being sexually assaulted by YU staff in YU buildings. The report did not explain why no one at YU was fired over the monstrous abuse of its own students, by its own staff.

Warning the public about dangerous men with a history of harming Jewish children is a basic Torah requirement. Begging forgiveness and fully compensating victims who were abused is the least YU could have done, as this embodies fundamental Jewish concepts. Nevertheless, it seems that YU’s rabbis, Torah scholars, and officials ignored Torah law, Jewish morals, and basic human decency and did nothing.

YU was willing to pay lawyers to fight its own students to prevent them from receiving money that could have helped them recover. YU was willing to pay its investigative law firm a reported $2.5 million to issue a censored report that held no YU staff or administrators accountable for their failure to protect its students.

According to The Jewish Forward, in 2014 (the year that the lawsuit was dismissed), YU lost a reported $150 million and its credit rating was downgraded to junk-bond status. Despite YU’s desperate financial situation, it nevertheless paid president Richard Joel a compensation package of more than $2 million above his base salary. His base salary just by itself made him the highest paid president of any Jewish non-profit.

To see how disgracefully a major Torah institution and rabbinical seminary deals with sexual abuse, it’s helpful to compare YU’s actions to a secular university that had a similar abuse case.

Penn State faced allegations that popular coach Jerry Sandusky sexually abused his students for 40 years. As a result, Penn State commissioned a truly independent investigation led by former FBI head Louis Freeh. Unlike YU, Penn State’s detailed report was made public. Sandusky was sent to jail for at least 30 years, top Penn State officials who covered-up the abuse were criminally charged, fired, or resigned. Penn State will pay 32 victims more than $92 million. And the press has written scathing reports saying that Penn State didn’t do nearly enough.

By contrast at YU, no one who committed child sex crimes went to jail, no one who covered-up the abuse was fired or forced to resign, the details of the abuse were concealed, and YU didn’t pay a dime to its victims.

Instead of enriching its lawyers and president, YU could have offered that same money to its students, and taken this opportunity to show the world that rabbis, Torah scholars, and Orthodox institutions are willing to accept responsibility for their failures and show caring and compassion to defenseless kids who were victims of horrific sexual abuse.

But instead, YU chose money over morals, rabbis over victims, and cowardice over accountability.

Eric Aiken is the owner of www.protectjewishkids.com and an advocate for Orthodox victims of child sexual abuse. “The List” is the world’s largest database of Orthodox child molesters.

"Abusers do such heinous things that most people simply cannot believe that this caring, sensitive teacher, counselor, therapist, rabbi or principal can be so evil. They rely on that image because they are accomplished actors who lure their audience in, grooming them to believe their inherent and well-rehearsed persona."

How They Abuse

by Michael J. Salamon: Dr Michael Salamon, a fellow of the American Psychological Association, is the founder and director of ADC Psychological Services in … [More]
 

They take advantage of people, especially children and teens, those who are young, or impressionable and easy prey. They also take advantage of adults – yes, they know how to play to adults too.

They are accomplished liars. They know how to draw victims in with a combination of charm and threat. They can be magically captivating. They do not hide; rather they interact openly with their victims and families. 

They tend to be fearless and if caught they can be convincing in their denials. If caught on video molesting a child they can just as easily deny that it is they, despite the pictures, as they are to blame their victims. Very few are willing to acknowledge that they have a problem controlling their abusive tendencies, the first and most necessary step to address their problem.

They take advantage of the fact that the organizations they work for provide them with a pool of likely victims. And if someone reports them to their superiors at work, they believe that the desire to protect the school, camp, youth organization, whichever organization they work for, will act as cover for them – for that is the way it usually is.

They also know that if caught and confronted they can usually slip away and go to some other organization because traditionally no one is likely to warn anyone else.

Abusers are both so convincing and threatening that the idea of reporting to the authorities does not usually arise. No one can believe that such a nice person is so bad. Unfortunately, too many people are also lured in by the idea that they should not report to the police, telling rabbis instead. While rabbis may have the best of intentions, they are not trained investigators.

Abusers do such heinous things that most people simply cannot believe that this caring, sensitive teacher, counselor, therapist, rabbi or principal can be so evil. They rely on that image because they are accomplished actors who lure their audience in, grooming them to believe their inherent and well-rehearsed persona.

They threaten the people they victimize so that in most cases the offended are afraid to tell what was done to them.

They are child sexual abusers. They prey on children of all ages. Some abusers target young children. Some victimize adolescents, some target teens or older teens. Some select young adults. It has been estimated that these abusers usually harm as many as 100 people over the course of their predatory lives.

In spite of some very recent serious efforts to educate, we are still naïve about the plague of sexual abuse and how children are groomed. We still believe that we can send our children off to school, camp, seminary, or yeshiva without doing a serious investigation of the facility and teaching our children to properly protect themselves.

This is not a new phenomenon. In the last eight years, we have begun to hear more about it, not because CSA is a new trend but because some very brave individuals are finally coming forward and talking about what happened to them at the hands of their abusers. I have treated and spoken with individuals in their 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and older who were abused in a school, dormitory or camp setting.

I have written extensively about this issue and I am compelled to continue to do so. Parents are very trusting. “It won’t happen to my child,” they say. “What can happen to my daughter in seminary? She can take care of herself.” Summer camp has begun and hopefully there will not be any incidents but that is unlikely.

Soon all those students spending a gap year or more in Israel will be on their way to study and grow. If not well prepared these young adults, aged eighteen to twenty, even older, are all vulnerable. There is no doubt that some will fall into the hands of abusers.

There is talk about training vast number of educators. I have my suspicions about how effective that training may be, particularly if it is watered down to suit the needs of misplaced modesty.

We may not be able to stop all sex abusers but we can certainly do more to reduce their horrific impact. We must do a better job to train our children and ourselves with an awareness of the reality of CSA. We must do a better job of reporting to the proper, trained authorities as soon as we suspect. After all, that is the law, and it is the law for a very good reason. If we do not act swiftly and properly, we are assisting abusers to continue their offenses.

Finally, a language exists that allows us to begin to understand and tackle the problem of CSA. It barely existed 50 years ago. We should all learn the jargon; it is the minimum necessary to address this scourge.

http://blogs.timesofisrael.com/how-they-abuse/

"This study is therefore timely and particularly significant if we are to understand the future of Orthodoxy and American Jewry.”

First Large-Scale Survey Explores Motives and Experiences of Formerly Orthodox

Thousands of people have ventured from the Ultra-Orthodox (Haredi) and Modern Orthodox worlds and constructed new identities in the larger society. Often ostracized by their parents, spouses, children and communities for having gone “OTD” (off the derech – off the path), they face challenges in dealing with their families, community and, ultimately, their relationship to their Judaism. A new survey by Connecticut-based Nishma Research, of 885 formerly Orthodox U.S.
Jews, is the first large-scale survey done among this fledgling Jewish community segment.

As Mark Trencher, Nishma president and the study’s lead researcher, commented: “The goal of this survey was to give this group a voice. We wanted to better understand the experiences of those who have transitioned away from their Orthodox community of origin, or who are grappling with the related issues. The response was very enthusiastic, and many respondents provided deeply personal and poignant insights into their journey, practices, beliefs, identity, community and relationships.”

Professor Steven M. Cohen of Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institute of Religion, who served on the study’s advisory committee (comprised of Jewish world academics, researchers and providers of services to the OTD), noted: “We live in an age of enormous religious fluidity. Among Jews, the Haredi population is booming, and several studies have been done of ba’alei teshuva – Jews who move from non-Orthodox to Orthodoxy. But there is little research, if any, on Jews who have left Orthodoxy. This study is therefore timely and particularly significant if we are to understand the future of Orthodoxy and American Jewry.”
Among the study findings:

• More people feel they have been “PUSHED Off the Derech,” rather than “PULLED Off the Derech.” Asked why they left, more people cited internal conditions – such as the status of women, perceptions of hypocrisy – that pushed them out, than cited reasons related to the lure of the outside world.
• It’s hard to keep the outside world at bay; but the internet is not cited as a significant factor. Outside knowledge – obtained by reading, personal interactions or otherwise learning things (science, philosophy, Biblical criticism, etc.) that contradicted prior beliefs – has been influential. And while the Haredi community is fearful of the danger of the internet, only 2% named it as a factor in why they left.
• The status of women is a significant factor. The status of women was among the most widely cited reasons for leaving Orthodoxy. It was the top reason among Modern Orthodox and the top reason among all women. Indeed, among Modern Orthodox women, 37% cited this as a reason why they left Orthodoxy.
• Weak secular education is not a major reason for leaving. While there has been some criticism of the weak secular education in Haredi communities, only 2% mentioned it as a reason why they left.
• Almost all remain Jewish … as they define it. 95% view themselves as Jewish, with the majority (60%) labeling themselves as culturally Jewish, traditional, secular/humanist Jewish or “just Jewish.” Very few labeled themselves as belonging to any of the typical Jewish world denominations.
• But are they Jewish in practice? While few (21%) said they believe in God, the percentages that said they keep kosher (31%), light Sabbath candles (53%), have a sense of belonging to the Jewish people (61%) or an attachment to Israel (66%) are comparable to the percentages among all U.S. Jews.
• The formerly Modern Orthodox retain more traditional practices and beliefs than the formerly Haredi. For example, 78% of the formerly Modern Orthodox said being Jewish is important to them, compared to 57% of the formerly Haredi, and this discrepancy appeared across a range of practices and beliefs.
• While there is widespread rejection by families, there is also some growing acceptance over time. Respondents stated that most of their families do not understand their decisions in leaving Orthodoxy. But the percentage of family that understands grew from 15% when they left, to over 40% after 10 years.
• With their families, women have it worse. Leaving the community is tougher on women. There is a 15 percentage point difference between men and women in terms of having a positive relationship with parents and siblings after they leave, with women at the short end of the stick.
• Community connections are weak. Fewer than half feel connected to any type of Jewish community, and a majority (54%) says they feel something is missing from their community connections.
• The biggest needs are in areas of socializing. Those leaving their communities face challenges. The most often cited needs are in socializing (43%), dating and relationships (24%), and employment (21%).
• What about the “Double-Lifers”? One-third (33%) of respondents said they had left their Orthodox community in terms of their beliefs and private behaviors but have done so covertly. Still residing in the community, they are sometimes referred to as “double-lifers.” They are not ready to emerge publicly and may never do so – although 39% said it is likely they will leave the community in the future.
• How many Haredi OTD’ers are there? There are no hard data points here. While some have speculated there are 4,000 Haredi OTD’ers in the Greater NY area, it may well be much higher. For example, our 655 Haredi respondents indicated they knew an average of 9.2 of their close peers who have gone OTD or are likely to do so. Thus, we’re already talking about many thousands of people, and this is just from our respondents. Lacking hard data, we feel comfortable estimating the segment as likely well into the “5-digits” (10,000+).

Lani Santo, Executive Director of Footsteps (which has provided support to 1,200 people who have left ultra-Orthodoxy over the past decade), noted: “This survey provides concrete evidence that people transitioning out of ultra-Orthodox communities desire understanding and support. They are telling us that they want to develop their identities, build new community and lead self-determined lives, and our goal is to provide them with the space and resources they need.”

The complete summary report, “Starting a Conversation: A Pioneering Survey of Those Who Have Left the Orthodox Community” is available here.

http://ejewishphilanthropy.com/first-large-scale-survey-explores-motives-and-experiences-of-formerly-orthodox/?utm_source=Sunday+June+26%2C+2016&utm_campaign=Sun+June+26&utm_medium=email

Snake Oil Salesmens' Grip Slip-Sliding Away...

More ultra-Orthodox Men Choose to Work Rather Than Study Torah

As of 2015, only 50% of Haredi men were registered with the Education Ministry as full-time students, down from 61% in 2010.





The percentage of ultra-Orthodox men who are devoting their lives to full-time religious studies instead of work has dropped over the past five years, according to a report by the nonprofit organization Hiddush.

Only 50% of Haredi men were registered with the Education Ministry as full-time students as of 2015, down from 61% five years earlier.

The number of Haredi men studying had previously been on an upward trend.

“This was a significant achievement, but the road is still long and difficult,” said the head of Hiddush, Rabbi Ori Regev. “It’s good to see that the multi-year campaign to integrate Haredi men into the army and the workforce is starting to bear fruit.”

The organization, which works toward freedom of religion and equality, would like to see most Haredi men working, and hopes that those who choose to be full-time students are doing so based on their own desires, not because they’re blindly following the community leaders, he added. Full-time study should be only for elite Haredi students, he said.

As of 2015, the number of ultra-Orthodox men who were studying full-time totaled 70,000. These men receive financial assistance from the Education Ministry.

Despite the improvement, “having 50% of Haredi men in yeshivas and not serving the country or working is still foreboding disaster for Israel’s future and economy,” said Regev.

Between 2005 and 2010 the number of Haredi men studying had expanded by 51%. If this pace had continued through 2016, there would have been 104,000 full-time students being funded by the Education Ministry as of this year, he noted.

Hiddush’s report is based on Education Ministry figures received under the Freedom of Information Act.

Many ultra-Orthodox men choose to study full-time in yeshivas instead of working. The community has a high rate of poverty.

Moti Bassok

Haaretz Contributor
http://www.haaretz.com/israel-news/business/1.726553

After 10 long years of merciless beatings...Happy to report "The Bloggers/Leitzonei Hador" got rabbi to open his mouth...

Call to Action

 

The Novominsker Rebbe, Rav Yaakov Perlow, issued a call for action in response to the festering scourge of child abuse and molestation. As a result of his seminal address at the recent Torah Umesorah convention, several groundbreaking initiatives have been launched to ensure that our children are safe at all times.

Torah Umesorah is preparing to train hundreds of principals, rabbeim and mechanchos across the country. This training will provide them with tools not only to prevent instances of child abuse and molestation from occurring within their schools, but also to recognize symptoms among students indicating that they may have been molested outside the school setting. (Statistics show that perpetrators are rarely strangers; generally, they are people the child knows and trusts.) The training program is slated to begin this fall.

In addition, a training program for thousands of summer-camp counselors is now being rolled out. The program, endorsed by Rav Elya Brudny, rosh yeshiva, Mir Yeshiva in Brooklyn, will consist of short, animated video lessons, followed by quizzes. The quizzes will enable camp directors to ascertain that all counselors understand the dos and don’ts of relating to and protecting their charges, and that they are able to identify warning signs and respond appropriately. The counselor training program, endorsed also by Dr. David Pelcowitz and Rabbi Yakov Horowitz, will make summer camp the special, cherished experience that it should be. As Rabbi Perlow stated at the convention, “We must ensure that predators are not able to disturb our children; we have no sympathy for the perpetrators.”

These and other initiatives will generate increased awareness of the problem and greater sensitivity to warning symptoms, and will likely result in more people contacting trusted community organizations that specialize in addressing child abuse and molestation. “We are deeply sympathetic to the victims,” Rabbi Perlow said at the convention. Gedolei Yisroel are making this issue the highest priority.

“Our staff are already reporting a sharp increase in calls from community members looking for guidance and assistance,” said Rabbi Zvi Gluck, director of Amudim Community Resources. “We are now in the process of setting up a crisis line. The days of looking away, pretending that these problems don’t exist, or pushing them to the side, are behind us; we have to take a strong, positive stance to protect and empower our children.”

To assist victims of abuse and molestation, a group of concerned donors established a fund to subsidize trauma therapy. The fund, named ASAP, is currently assisting 250 victims, with new applications arriving daily.

With one out of every five children in our community likely to be victimized, this serious threat to our families has the potential to destroy generations. More initiatives are on the way, as the Torah community unites to combat this intolerable situation.

Public Beware

https://yated.com/call-to-action/

If you haven’t read (or heard of) the Newsweek expose on abuse coverups in the Orthodox community, it’s time you climbed out from under that cozy rock and joined the rest of us in facing this disturbing reality. Sexual abuse is no longer a secret, and the religious world needs to pick up the pace...

Sexual Abuse & Where the Torah Stands

 

Why won’t the Rabbinical Council of America (RCA) require rabbis to ban child sex offenders from Orthodox institutions?

• Why Jewish child molesters are your problem

As global psychological sophistication moves ever forward, the religious Jewish world is one small step behind — carefully weighing Torah values, always desperately trying to reconcile halacha with the current ideals of Western culture. Orthodoxy is currently in the lime-light for a very specific issue, one that is causing a storm in even the most insular religious communities. If you haven’t read (or heard of) the Newsweek expose on abuse coverups in the Orthodox community, it’s time you climbed out from under that cozy rock and joined the rest of us in facing this disturbing reality. Sexual abuse is no longer a secret, and the religious world needs to pick up the pace.

I’d like to give a round of applause for… The Internet. Despite “kosher” phones and filters, even the Chareidi world is an active participant in public opinion, and is much more influenced by Western culture. Aish.com has upped their voice in social media, black hats frequent Facebook, and Chabad blogs are available on every topic you could imagine. 

We are starting to see case after case emerging from these communities, with organizations and advocates rising at an equally remarkable speed. The shift has been nothing short of miraculous — bringing justice and long-awaited validation to the countless victims of abuse within the religious world. And yet, the resistance that advocates have to face, seems unimaginable. Ask any advocate in the world of sexual abuse, and they will tell you about hate mail, threats, or even worse, complete apathy and disdain from various individuals in the religious world.

Over the last few years we watched Meyer Seewald and the Jewish Community Watch take the religious community by storm, destroying the webs of lies and abuse that sexual predators had carefully woven, using the Orthodox system, thinking that they were unbreakable. We watched Manny Waks bring down the Chabad Yeshiva Centre in Melbourne, forcing them to take public responsibility for their horrendous role in the abuse of dozens of children. The rise of Tzedek, Magen, the Israeli Lo Lishtok (Don’t Be Silent), and many others, has made a huge statement that many in the religious world are ready to take a stand against sexual abuse.

Last week, a huge case was exposed, and this time not by Newsweek, but by a Chareidi Beis Din in Ramat Bet Shemesh. “Rabbi” Meir Pogrow was labeled a “rasha” in a psak from the Beis Din, signed by extremely renowned and universally respected Rabbis of the Chareidi community. His prestige and power as a “brilliant” Torah scholar brought him no refuge, and his community has now completely shunned him, going so far as to “forbid” members from communicating with him in any way.

Here comes the “but.”

There is a force that is quiet, but still effective, rearing its ugly head in the face of this incredible progress. They are the naysayers, the doubters, and the defenders. They are covering their ears and closing their eyes. They are busy worrying about Loshon Hora and halachic technicalities that may or may not indicate the guilt of a said-predator. There is always backlash when the religious community embraces a value or a movement that is seen as “goyish,” and this is not an exception. There could not be a more important reason for us to unite and clarify that sexual abuse is against the Torah — there is no gray area, this is black and white. Pun intended.

The more involved that I become in this cause, the more evil I am exposed to, which in turn fuels my growing passion for it. Why was Malka Leifer, wanted by Australian police for 74 counts of child-sex offenses, helped to flee to Israel by the very community that she betrayed? And why has our Israeli court system allowed her to evade the justice of standing trial by acquitting the request for her extradition? Why did it take Pogrow’s community years to publicly denounce him, when victims had painstakingly come forward so much earlier? Why won’t the Rabbinical Council of America (RCA) require rabbis to ban child sex offenders from Orthodox institutions?

There is a blogger who claims to be the “Chareidi Response,” who has described in meticulous detail, why technically Malka Leifer wasn’t breaking halacha “even if” she is guilty of her alleged crimes. The resistance to change in the religious world is bad enough, but to try to use Torah to justify abuse, is too much to bear. This is personal. This is our Torah. These are our children. It doesn’t matter which denomination we are, or how “observant” we are, because if we believe that our core values are rooted in Torah, then we can’t watch it be distorted and twisted in order to defend horrific behavior.

My wish and plea is for all Jews to pick a side. The right side. The side that says “NO” to abusers and “YES” to victims. Our loyalty should lie unequivocally with the abused, with no hesitation, and certainly no justification for the abuser. I was feeling rather hopeless, seeing the steady stream of accusatory questions and doubts in the Chareidi world about sexual abuse. My hope was restored by a Facebook comment. Genendy Radoff, a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, in response to the blog defending Malka Leifer wrote:

“This blog is important as it gives insight into how someone who is an intelligent talmid chacham can molest a child without remorse. The blog writer says many times, he ‘thinks like a Jew.’ The sad truth is, the author of this blog thinks like a Jewish child molester. My grandfather, who was a Rosh Yeshiva and molested me, was also a respected talmid chacham. I imagine his rationalizations were similar to the ones on this blog. A close chareidi friend recently reported her husband for molesting their daughter. He insisted he didn’t do anything against Halacha so it wasn’t so bad. Hashem created man on the sixth day and Shabbos only after that to teach us something very important. You must be a whole person first in order to absorb Torah in the way it was intended. Learning Torah can not make an emotionally and psychologically limited person healthy and whole. The person has to come first. First man. Then Shabbos.”

http://blogs.timesofisrael.com/sexual-abuse-where-the-torah-stands/

"The more strongly people endorsed binding values, the more strongly they considered any victim to be contaminated — regardless of the nature of the crime."

Who Blames the Victim?

Gray Matter

 

By LAURA NIEMI and LIANE YOUNG JUNE 24, 2016

IF you are mugged on a midnight stroll through the park, some people will feel compassion for you, while others will admonish you for being there in the first place. If you are raped by an acquaintance after getting drunk at a party, some will be moved by your misfortune, while others will ask why you put yourself in such a situation.

What determines whether someone feels sympathy or scorn for the victim of a crime? Is it a function of political affiliation? Of gender? Of the nature of the crime?

In a recent series of studies, we found that the critical factor lies in a particular set of moral values. Our findings, published on Thursday in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, show that the more strongly you privilege loyalty, obedience and purity — as opposed to values such as care and fairness — the more likely you are to blame the victim.

"Moral Foundations Theory

 

 In my article entitled Political Divide, I introduced Jonathon Haidt’s work and the theoretical framework that attempts to explain the current pervasive and seemingly intractable political acrimony within the United States. Haidt and his colleagues offer the Moral Foundations Theory, the implications of which, suggest that this divide is a result of a moral relativism of sorts – whereas one’s moral composition essentially drives one’s political affiliation. Despite the perspective from each of the polar extremes, individuals in the opposite group are not in fact amoral, instead, Haidt et al., (2009) claim that they have different valuations of five universal morals. According to Haidt, the five universal morals include: (a) harm/care (strong empathy for those that are suffering and care for the most vulnerable); (b) fairness/reciprocity (life liberty and justice for all); (c) ingroup/loyalty – (tribalism, patriotism, nationalism); (d) authority/respect (“mechanisms for managing social rank, tempered by the obligation of superiors to protect and provide for subordinates” Haidt, 2008); and (e) purity/sanctity (“related to the evolution of disgust, that makes us see carnality as degrading and renunciation as noble” Haidt, 2008)."

These two sets of values have been the object of much scholarly attention. Psychologists have found that when it comes to morality, some people privilege promoting the care of others and preventing unfair behaviors. These are “individualizing values,” as they can apply to any individual. Other people privilege loyalty, obedience and purity. These are “binding values,” as they promote the cohesion of your particular group or clan.

Binding and individualizing values are not mutually exclusive, and people have varying degrees of both. But psychologists have discovered that the extent to which you favor one relative to the other predicts various things about you. For example, the more strongly you identify with individualizing values, the more likely you are to be politically progressive; the more strongly you identify with binding values, the more likely you are to be politically conservative.

Our animating insight was that these two clusters of values entail different conceptions of victims. Proponents of individualizing values tend to see a dyad of victim and perpetrator (a victim is hurt, a perpetrator does the hurting). Proponents of binding values, however, may see behaviors as immoral even when there is no obvious victim — for example, the “impure” act of premarital sex or the “disloyal” act of flag burning — and may even feel that doing the right thing sometimes requires hurting others (as with honor killings, to pick an extreme example). So we hypothesized that support for binding values would correlate with a greater tendency to blame victims.

We conducted several studies, involving 994 research participants. First we examined how their moral values related to their tendency to stigmatize victims versus to see victims as injured. We provided minimal descriptions of victims of various crimes — rape and molestation, stabbing and strangling — and asked the participants how much they considered the victims as “injured” or “contaminated.”

While we expected that all participants would be more likely to view sexual-crime victims than non-sexual-crime victims as contaminated (which is indeed what we found), we also found, surprisingly, that the more strongly people endorsed binding values, the more strongly they considered any victim to be contaminated — regardless of the nature of the crime.

Furthermore, the more people saw a victim as contaminated, the less they saw that victim as injured. Throughout, we controlled for other variables and found that it was moral values — binding values, in particular — and not political orientation, gender or religiosity that determined the results.

In another study, participants read descriptions of specific cases of rape and robbery and rated both the victim and the perpetrator on how “responsible” they were for the outcome, as well as how much a change in their actions could have changed things. We found that the more strongly people endorsed binding values, the more they strongly they attributed responsibility to victims and the more they saw victims’ behaviors as influencing the outcome. We found the opposite pattern for people endorsing individualizing values.

Can anything be done to change people’s perceptions of victims and perpetrators? In another study, we explored whether nudging people to focus on perpetrators versus victims could affect people’s moral judgments. We did so by placing either the perpetrator or the victim in the subject position in a majority of sentences in descriptions of sexual assault (e.g., “Lisa was forced by Dan” versus “Dan forced Lisa”). We then asked the participants to assign percentages of blame to the victim and perpetrator.

Consistent with our previous findings, the more participants endorsed binding values, the more blame they assigned to victims and the less blame they assigned to perpetrators. But we also found that focusing their attention on the perpetrator led to reduced ratings of victim blame, victim responsibility and references to victims’ actions, whereas a focus on victims led to greater victim blaming. This was surprising: You might assume that focusing on victims elicits more sympathy for them, but our results suggest that it may have the opposite effect.

Victim blaming appears to be deep-seated, rooted in core moral values, but also somewhat malleable, susceptible to subtle changes in language. For those looking to increase sympathy for victims, a practical first step may be to change how we talk: Focusing less on victims and more on perpetrators — “Why did he think he had license to rape?” rather than “Imagine what she must be going through” — may be a more effective way of serving justice.

Laura Niemi is a postdoctoral associate in psychology at Harvard. Liane Young is an associate professor of psychology at Boston College.

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/06/26/opinion/sunday/who-blames-the-victim.html?emc=edit_tnt_20160624&nlid=32999454&tntemail0=y

Why do so many Orthodox Jews choose to leave Orthodoxy?

 The formerly Orthodox American Jews: The stricter they were, the farther away they run 

by Shmuel Rosner

 

 

 

 

885 formerly Orthodox Jews responded to a survey published today by Nishma Research.

It is not a scientific sample of the formerly Orthodox. But it is still the best available survey of such people, one from which we can learn a little bit about their lives and decisions. It is still a somewhat melancholic read – not because it is better to be Orthodox and hence sad that people choose to leave Orthodoxy, but rather because leaving something is often a sign of crisis and a generator of more crisis. Thus, the people who participated in this survey are ones who had to face a crisis, or are still in a state of crisis.

Take, for example, the relationships between the formerly Orthodox and their still Orthodox families. The study highlights the fact that “respondents’ relationships with their family were more positive than negative, especially with children and younger siblings.” Yet the reality for many of these formerly Orthodox men and women is still complex. 57% of respondents say that their relationships with their fathers are very positive or somewhat positive, but 19% say “mixed,” 11% “somewhat negative,” and 13% “very negative.” Relationships with their mothers are slightly better. 62% define them as “very” or “somewhat” positive.

But these definitions are the average of many types of Orthodox people. It’s the average of the combined group of the formerly modern-Orthodox, the formerly Yeshivish-Orthodox, and the formerly Chasidic-Orthodox. This average doesn’t reveal the fact that for a formerly-Chasidic Orthodox it is apparently much less likely to have good relations with her father (49% “very” or “somewhat” positive). It doesn’t reveal the much easier path of the formerly modern-Orthodox, whose relations with their families seem to be less complicated – 69% have positive relations with their fathers, 74% with their mothers.

The easier path means a lesser crisis for the formerly Modern-Orthodox. 65% of them feel that their families “accept them as they are,” compared to 53% of former-Yeshivish, 55% of former-Chabad, and 41% of former-Chasidic. A lesser crisis means less alienation and hence, the survey reveals an irony: the stricter the group from which the “former” Jew emerges, the less the “former” is inclined to keep some Orthodoxy in his or her life.

Only 29% of former-Chasidic keep Kosher after they choose to leave. Of the former Modern-Orthodox, 36% keep Kosher. Asked whether “it would upset them if a child of theirs intermarried,” 46% of former Modern-Orthodox said yes, compared to 32% of former Yeshivish and 26% of former Chasidic. The more insular you were, the farther away you wish to travel. 17% of former modern-Orthodox still say they are “traditional,” compared to just 6% and 7% of former Chasidic and Yeshivish. 78% of former Modern Orthodox say that being Jewish is important for them, compared to 56% of former-Yeshivish and 49% of former-Chasidic.

The Pew study of American Jews from three years ago showed that there is “a high rate of attrition from Orthodox Judaism, especially among older cohorts.” In other words: many Orthodox Jews become formerly Orthodox along the way, which makes studying their ways important. According to Pew, “among those 65 and older who were raised as Orthodox Jews, just 22% are still Orthodox Jews by religion. And among those ages 50-64 who were raised Orthodox, just 41% are still Orthodox Jews by religion. In stark contrast, 83% of Jewish adults under 30 who were raised Orthodox are still Orthodox.”

Why do so many Orthodox Jews choose to leave Orthodoxy? The new study gives us more detailed clues than previous, more general studies of American Jews. For the former-Chasidic and former-Yeshivish, the top reason for leaving was “influence of outside knowledge, such as reading or learning things that contradicted what had been believed.” 15% of the former-Chasidic had “doubts” and “lose faith.” Former-Chabad complain about the lack of secular education as a reason for leaving (10%), about doubts (10%) and about “wanting more control in life” (12%). The former Modern-Orthodox are different: their top reason is “the role and status of women” in Orthodoxy. Theirs – and this is also generally the reason given by women who choose to quit Orthodoxy.

Men say they left because of new knowledge they acquired and because of intellectual doubts (37% combined). Their motivations – or the motivations they share with the researchers – were grounded in thought. Women say they left because of societal reservations: because of the role of women, because of judgmentalism, and because of community hypocrisy (20%, 9%, 12%).

The research argues that “more people feel they have been “pushed off” rather than “pulled off.” Namely, they cite internal conditions – such as the status of women, perceptions of hypocrisy – that pushed them out, rather than cite reasons related to the lure of the outside world. I wonder what this means: it could mean that Orthodoxy is not attuned enough to the needs of its members, or that those who left feel more comfortable saying that it was Orthodoxy’s “fault” and not their “fault” that they ended up leaving.

As they leave Orthodoxy, they tend to also leave the community (70%), and they need support (the Haredis more than the Modern Orthodox). They wish for additional support (67%). They are – as we have said – transitioning and going through a crisis. That is, except for those who choose to live a double life: “Those who are no longer ‘believers’ but still live in the community are an interesting group.” the study says. An interesting group indeed – and to some degree one that evokes even more sympathy than the other groups. 33% of respondents to the survey, who no longer feel a part of Orthodoxy, have yet to completely sever their ties with the Orthodox community. Most of them think that they will never leave (61%).

They have higher levels of participation in visible practices – for obvious reasons. More of them, compared to other groups, still say they “believe in God” (37%). Their “relationships with their family are virtually the same as those of all others.” This probably means that their families know who they really are. Not just the group is interesting – the decision to give them a voice in a study about the formerly Orthodox is interesting too. It raises the possibility that the researchers – much like formerly Orthodox men do, but not like formerly Orthodox women – see Orthodoxy as an intellectual state of mind more than as a social situation. A perception worthy of debate.

http://www.jewishjournal.com/rosnersdomain/item/the_formerly_orthodox_american_jews_the_stricter_they_were_the_farther_away