To our readers, friends and others...I invite you to respond to the Jewish Press editorial. Well written comments will be posted in my headliner and included in my response to the J.P.in a few days.
Please use logic, common sense and well reasoned arguments, the world media will be reading your responses. You are welcome to use your names; in matter of fact I would encourage rabbis, lay leaders, medical professionals, attorneys and all people of good will to comment.
Disclaimer: Just because someone chooses to comment on this blog, that does not mean that you agree with or endorse any or all of my writings and opinions.
I do believe that all fair minded people will agree that there is no place in our yeshiva system for sexual predators and their protectors...and that a sex abuse registry system for our schools, an independendent panel of professionals to investigate claims of abuse, and a zero tolerance policy for these crimes are long overdue.
I do apologize to the thousands of people that have e-mailed me and posted comments that as of yet I was not able to read, publish and respond to.
I do find it very curious that Yeshiva Torah Temimah, Lipa Margulies and Yudi Kolko have not found the time to come out with a simple written statement denying the allegations against them.
To all that this does concern:
Although as a concerned parent I have monitored this blog for a while, I have held back from posting until now.
Truth, you are a liar and misleader, and if all this innuando about Kolko turns out accurate, your are as evil in my mind as the molestors themselfs.
As a significant contributor to TT, (Appelgrad had me on speed dial-Margo has come to my house in the past year-I have 2 boys there) I had a phone conference with Rabbi Margolis a few days after the letter.
He actually asked me "what would you do". I said to him "In ten years you never aked my advice, why now?" He said he's never been in such a tough position.
He did admit hearing rumors years ago. He also admitted to a few people coming foward in the past, but nothing "serious" in the past 10 years. He also layed on the Rabbi Kolko sob story. Don't get me wrong Rabbi Kolko was mine and my sons' favorite Rebbi. But my childs safety supercedes any sob story or personal tastes.
At no point did he completely deny that Rabbi Kolko was or is, a child Molestor. He even stated that the yeshiva is set up, so that no Rebbi should ever be allowed to be alone with a boy. Implying in my mind that there was concerns with Kolko and maybe at some point other Rebbeyim.
All in all, the conversation left me with a sick taste in my mouth. One of my sons is graduating, but the other I am removing from the Yeshiva at the end of the year. Three other parents in my sons class are removing their kids as well. Must of us were unhappy before this debacle anyway.
Oh, icing on the cake unfortunately, I found out last week, a distant cousin of mine punched Rabbi Kolko in the mouth a few summers ago. As I hear now, he has for years accused Kolko of molesting him. I believe his name is public now.
Anyway, sorry about my spelling and grammer, I am also a TT graduate. I think this problem is prevelent in every yeshiva, but a man with so much accusations around him (especially abuse)should be removed. With the safety of our children the saying applies in my mind. "Where there is smoke, there is fire".
Again I wanted to reiterate that the "Truth" is lying. Rabbi Margolis hedged himseld and did not give me or other parents an assuring denial of the accusations.
This whole incident is a Chillul Hashem and hope this matter concludes shortly.
--
Posted by Anonymous to Un-Orthodox Jew at 2/26/2006 09:30:10 PM
EVERY SIGNATURE MATTERS - THIS BILL MUST PASS!
CLICK - GOAL - 100,000 NEW SIGNATURES! 75,000 SIGNATURES HAVE ALREADY BEEN SUBMITTED TO GOVERNOR CUOMO!
EFF Urges Court to Block Dragnet Subpoenas Targeting Online Commenters
CLICK! For the full motion to quash: http://www.eff.org/files/filenode/hersh_v_cohen/UOJ-motiontoquashmemo.pdf
Saturday, February 25, 2006
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Preventing Sexual Abuse - A Public Service Message
Air-Time
Most of the material on this blog is useless. I know it. You know it. I write it, you read it, and we both move on. But today I am going to write about sexual abuse.
I have come across a number of blogs over the past few days that are dealing with sexual abuse. The Unorthodox Jews are in the middle of trying to get a yeshiva to fire a rebbi who has been abusing boys for the past thrity years. And Dave had a great post about how the orthodox community has been looking the other way when it comes to sexual predators. Angry Soul has an entire blog talking about his experience being sexually abused over a seven year period. According to Angry Soul, his abuser, a counselor in camp, admitted to abusing over 100 kids during his teenage years.
There are other blogs I have seen talking about sexual abuse, but I haven't seen anyone talking about how to protect your kids from being abused.
As many of you know, I am not a therapist. I have never been sexually abused, and while I do know peple who have been abused, I have never had a discussion about that aspect of their lives with them.
Still, I am a parent, with three kids to protect, and many of you are parents as well, with kids who need to be protected.
Statistically, in the US, something like 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 7 boys are sexually abused in some manner at some point in their lives, which means it a pretty prevelent problem, and not one that as a parent you can afford to ignore.
I have a client, the Self Esteem Shop, which specializes in mental health books. They have an extensive section on sexual abuse, both in terms of prevention and recovery, for children of all ages, and for adults as well. I write their catalogs, and as their copywriter, I have flipped through many of these books, and read quite a few of the kids books from cover to cover.
This comes from the Child Advocacy Center.
Protecting your child from sexual abuse:
Let your child know that he or she can tell you anything and you will always be supportive.
Teach your child that no one, not even a teacher or a close relative, has the right to touch him or her in a way that feels uncomfortable. Teach your child that it is OK to say, "No, get away," and to tell a trusted adult about the incident.
Don't force kids to kiss, hug or sit on a grown-up's lap if they don't want to. This gives them control and teaches them that they have the right to refuse.
Always know where your child is and whom he or she is with.
Tell your child to stay away from strangers who hang around playgrounds, public restrooms and schools.
Be alert for changes in your child's behavior that could signal sexual abuse, such as sudden secretiveness, withdrawal from activities, refusal to go to school, unexplained hostility toward a favorite baby-sitter or relative, or increased anxiety. Some physical signs of abuse include bedwetting, loss of appetite, venereal disease, nightmares and complaints of pain or irritation around the genitals or anus.
If your child has been sexually abused, report it to the police or a child protection agency immediately.
If your child is a victim of sexual abuse, don't blame him or her. Listen and provide safety.
You can talk to your children about sexual abuse without ever using the term "Sexual Abuse." Use phrases like safe touches, and make sure to tell kids that they can always come to you to talk.
As I mentioned above, I write catalogs for the Self Esteem Shop, and here are a few titles I have read through. The prices are the current prices at the Self Esteem Shop's web site, selfesteemshop.com
Preschool Age
Always Be Careful - This safety manual teaches preschool age children (ages 3-5) the ABC's of good and bad touches and personal safety. $3
Andy/Annie - These books, were written for young children. Andy/Annie is confused when a person she knows touches her private parts. Issues include feeling alone, disclosure, and changes in character. Andy is for boys, Annie is for girls. $2.50
It's My Body - A book to teach young children how to resist uncomfortable touch. $5.95
Grade School
My Body is Private - This book teaches kids that their body is their own personal space, and no one should touch them without their permission. $5.95
Sam Speaks Out - When Sam is inappropriately touched by a neighbor, it makes him feel sad and act out. He tells a friend, and she helps him find someone who can help him with his problem. Soon, Sam is back to his old self. 4.95
A Very Touching Book - Using humor, children learn about their body parts as well as privacy, their private parts, and the difference between good and bad touches, including what to do in case of a bad touch. 12.95
Red Flag Green Flag People - This personal safety manual teaches early elementary age children the difference between good and bad touches, and teaches what to do in the event of a bad touch. Facilitators guide available. Appropriate for children ages 4-10. For some reason this book is not on their web site. It is the follow up
book to Always Be Careful, which I mentioned in the preschool section.
For Parents -
Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse - Janie Hart-Rossi shows parents how to protect their children from sexual abuse. She begins with the facts on sexual abuse, an eye opening experience for many parents. She then offers some key phrases for children, so they can resist uncomfortable touches, and gives specific activities so you can reduce the likelihood of your child ever getting molested. Companion to It's My Body. 7.95
posted by Air Time
Most of the material on this blog is useless. I know it. You know it. I write it, you read it, and we both move on. But today I am going to write about sexual abuse.
I have come across a number of blogs over the past few days that are dealing with sexual abuse. The Unorthodox Jews are in the middle of trying to get a yeshiva to fire a rebbi who has been abusing boys for the past thrity years. And Dave had a great post about how the orthodox community has been looking the other way when it comes to sexual predators. Angry Soul has an entire blog talking about his experience being sexually abused over a seven year period. According to Angry Soul, his abuser, a counselor in camp, admitted to abusing over 100 kids during his teenage years.
There are other blogs I have seen talking about sexual abuse, but I haven't seen anyone talking about how to protect your kids from being abused.
As many of you know, I am not a therapist. I have never been sexually abused, and while I do know peple who have been abused, I have never had a discussion about that aspect of their lives with them.
Still, I am a parent, with three kids to protect, and many of you are parents as well, with kids who need to be protected.
Statistically, in the US, something like 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 7 boys are sexually abused in some manner at some point in their lives, which means it a pretty prevelent problem, and not one that as a parent you can afford to ignore.
I have a client, the Self Esteem Shop, which specializes in mental health books. They have an extensive section on sexual abuse, both in terms of prevention and recovery, for children of all ages, and for adults as well. I write their catalogs, and as their copywriter, I have flipped through many of these books, and read quite a few of the kids books from cover to cover.
This comes from the Child Advocacy Center.
Protecting your child from sexual abuse:
Let your child know that he or she can tell you anything and you will always be supportive.
Teach your child that no one, not even a teacher or a close relative, has the right to touch him or her in a way that feels uncomfortable. Teach your child that it is OK to say, "No, get away," and to tell a trusted adult about the incident.
Don't force kids to kiss, hug or sit on a grown-up's lap if they don't want to. This gives them control and teaches them that they have the right to refuse.
Always know where your child is and whom he or she is with.
Tell your child to stay away from strangers who hang around playgrounds, public restrooms and schools.
Be alert for changes in your child's behavior that could signal sexual abuse, such as sudden secretiveness, withdrawal from activities, refusal to go to school, unexplained hostility toward a favorite baby-sitter or relative, or increased anxiety. Some physical signs of abuse include bedwetting, loss of appetite, venereal disease, nightmares and complaints of pain or irritation around the genitals or anus.
If your child has been sexually abused, report it to the police or a child protection agency immediately.
If your child is a victim of sexual abuse, don't blame him or her. Listen and provide safety.
You can talk to your children about sexual abuse without ever using the term "Sexual Abuse." Use phrases like safe touches, and make sure to tell kids that they can always come to you to talk.
As I mentioned above, I write catalogs for the Self Esteem Shop, and here are a few titles I have read through. The prices are the current prices at the Self Esteem Shop's web site, selfesteemshop.com
Preschool Age
Always Be Careful - This safety manual teaches preschool age children (ages 3-5) the ABC's of good and bad touches and personal safety. $3
Andy/Annie - These books, were written for young children. Andy/Annie is confused when a person she knows touches her private parts. Issues include feeling alone, disclosure, and changes in character. Andy is for boys, Annie is for girls. $2.50
It's My Body - A book to teach young children how to resist uncomfortable touch. $5.95
Grade School
My Body is Private - This book teaches kids that their body is their own personal space, and no one should touch them without their permission. $5.95
Sam Speaks Out - When Sam is inappropriately touched by a neighbor, it makes him feel sad and act out. He tells a friend, and she helps him find someone who can help him with his problem. Soon, Sam is back to his old self. 4.95
A Very Touching Book - Using humor, children learn about their body parts as well as privacy, their private parts, and the difference between good and bad touches, including what to do in case of a bad touch. 12.95
Red Flag Green Flag People - This personal safety manual teaches early elementary age children the difference between good and bad touches, and teaches what to do in the event of a bad touch. Facilitators guide available. Appropriate for children ages 4-10. For some reason this book is not on their web site. It is the follow up
book to Always Be Careful, which I mentioned in the preschool section.
For Parents -
Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse - Janie Hart-Rossi shows parents how to protect their children from sexual abuse. She begins with the facts on sexual abuse, an eye opening experience for many parents. She then offers some key phrases for children, so they can resist uncomfortable touches, and gives specific activities so you can reduce the likelihood of your child ever getting molested. Companion to It's My Body. 7.95
posted by Air Time
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Hey Lipa & Yudi-The Match Only Satan Could Have Made
Hey Lipa,
Stop sending your gofers my way looking to screw over the victims once again.
Hey Lippy boy, I got news for you; scores of victims of all ages have come forward with their parents. So you must be thinking...aha God is on my side, after all I call myself rosh yeshiva, and the assholes in my school wait until I mumble shema, while really what I'm doing is counting ALL the victims of sexual abuse that may be coming forward to destroy me.
So Lip, if your lawyers are telling you there's nothing to worry about, I got news for them; there are recent victims who have come forward...get it Lip, no statute of limitations to protect you against recent victims.
I just thought I'd let you know that my train has left the station...and this is one conducter you can't screw over.
Sleep Well!
Stop sending your gofers my way looking to screw over the victims once again.
Hey Lippy boy, I got news for you; scores of victims of all ages have come forward with their parents. So you must be thinking...aha God is on my side, after all I call myself rosh yeshiva, and the assholes in my school wait until I mumble shema, while really what I'm doing is counting ALL the victims of sexual abuse that may be coming forward to destroy me.
So Lip, if your lawyers are telling you there's nothing to worry about, I got news for them; there are recent victims who have come forward...get it Lip, no statute of limitations to protect you against recent victims.
I just thought I'd let you know that my train has left the station...and this is one conducter you can't screw over.
Sleep Well!
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